Chapter 2
40278: He consummated the marriage with her and
found that she was not a virgin even though she has
never committed any immoral action
Question:
I am a Muslim woman, and I fear Allaah in all my
deeds. I got married _ praise be to Allaah _ to a man who is
good in all ways; he treats me well and I treat him well,
our relationship was excellent in all ways, love,
respect, harmony and love for one another's families. But
then things started to go wrong. These days my husband and
I found out that I was not a virgin, but I am certain that
I am innocent because no one ever touched me before him.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
If your husband is wise and religiously committed,
and he trusts you a great deal, then what he should do is
to believe you when you say that you are innocent of
any wrongdoing, especially since the breaking of the
hymen may be caused by many things, not necessarily
by committing the sin of fornication.
This is if we accept what you have discovered about
your not being a virgin. It may be that intercourse has
taken place between you but the hymen was not broken, and
so there was no bleeding, because of the nature of the
hymen. It may be that the hymen is flexible and cannot be
broken by intercourse, and requires medical intervention, as
is well known to the experts in this field.
The hymen is simply a physical sign which cannot
be considered proof of whether the woman is a virgin or
not or whether she has committed an immoral act or
not. Hence we find that in court, usually the absence of
the hymen is not regarded as grounds for making
accusations against the woman, because it may be broken for
many reasons.
So the fact that the hymen is present is not a
positive indication that a woman is a virgin, and its absence is
not a positive sign of the opposite.
We advise you to refer to a female doctor to make
the matter clear, because there may be many reasons why
the hymen is broken.
We hope that your husband will understand this
matter and will not be hasty in judging you. You should be
aware that one of the aims of the Shaytaan is to cause
division between husbands and wives, because of the great
evil that results from that affecting families and
individuals, as we see in the hadeeth of Jaabir who said:
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: `Iblees placed his throne on water
then he sends out his emissaries, and the closest of them
to him in status is the one who causes the most
fitnah (tribulation). One of them comes and says, `I did
such and such,' and he says, `You have not done much.'
Then another of them comes and says, `I did not leave
him alone until I caused division between him and his
wife,' and he draws him close to him and says, `How good
you are.'" Muslim, 5023.
So he should close this door to the Shaytaan and
avoid thinking about this matter, so long as this matter is
not definitive and you are certain that nothing bad happened.
We ask Allaah to guide him and to reconcile
between you. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
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40233: Her friend keeps company with men and
commits sins, and she refuses to accept advice. What is to be done?
Question:
I am a university student. I have a friend who does
not pray regularly. She is stubborn and does not accept
advice, and she listens only to songs. She has a bad friend
whom she refuses to keep away from. She does not go
home during vacations unless this friend also goes
home. Through circumstances at the university she has
gotten to know a group of young men, claiming that she is
helping them. She corresponds with them and talks to them.
When she goes out she has to adorn herself and put on
perfume, even though she knows the ruling on that. We have
tried to advise her but she refuses to take out advice. What
can I do to help her?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Studying in a mixed environment is haraam, and it
causes a great deal of mischief in society. What the sister says
in her question is only a small part of the results of
forbidden mixing.
We advise everyone who wants to protect himself
and not to fall into that which Allaah has forbidden to
keep away from these mixed places as much as
possible, whether that is for study or for work, because of the
things involved that go against sharee'ah and because of the
evils to which they may lead.
Secondly:
What the questioner has mentioned about her friend
is very unfortunate; we ask Allaah to guide her and
bring her back to the right path. Your duties towards her are
to offer sincere advice and guidance, and to remind her
of Allaah and that death is real, and that this world does
not last.
Allaah has created Paradise for those who obey Him,
and He has created Hell for those who disobey Him. If
she responds to the advice then praise be to Allaah. If
she insists on committing sin and following the path of
the Shaytaan, then Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"The duty of the Messenger [i.e. Our
Messenger Muhammad whom We have sent to you, (O mankind)]
is nothing but to convey (the Message)"
[al-Maa'idah 5:99]
"And remind (by preaching the Qur'aan, O
Muhammad), for verily, the reminding profits the believers"
[al-Dhaariyaat 51:55]
"So remind them (O Muhammad) — you are only
one who reminds.
22. You are not a dictator over them"
[al-Ghaashiyah 88:21-22]
"O you who believe! Take care of your ownselves. If
you follow the (right) guidance [and enjoin what is
right (Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to
do) and forbid what is wrong (polytheism, disbelief and
all that Islam has forbidden)] no hurt can come to you
from those who are in error" [al-Maa'idah
5:105]
Try to look for righteous friends who can help you
to adhere to the truth. Beware of sitting with bad companions, for Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"And it has already been revealed to you in the
Book (this Qur'aan) that when you hear the Verses of
Allaah being denied and mocked at, then sit not with them,
until they engage in a talk other than that; (but if you
stayed with them) certainly in that case you would be like
them. Surely, Allaah will collect the hypocrites and
disbelievers all together in Hell"
[al-Nisa' 4:140]
And Allaah is the Source of strength. Islam
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27265: His brother only treats his parents in a
harsh manner, and he is afraid that he has been bewitched
Question:
I am concerned about my eldest brother's
behavior towards his family (mother, father, brothers and
sister) There is a great change in his behavior, he doesn't
talk with anyone, says hurtful things to his parents, and
resents them, while he is nice to others. I am suspecting his
wife for doing some magic on him, please advise if my
gut feeling is right, then what is the solution. Please do advise.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has obliged sons to honour their parents and
He has forbidden them to disobey them. We have
discussed some of their (parents') rights in the answer to
question no. 5053.
What you have said about your brother's treatment of
your parents is an evil action and is a major sin. You have
to advise him and remind him of what Allaah has
enjoined upon him towards his parents and relatives.
It is not permissible for you to accuse others of
practicing witchcraft against your brother. The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned us
against suspicion, and told us that it is the falsest of speech.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Beware
of suspicion, because suspicion is the falsest of speech;
do not spy on one another, do not pry into others' affairs,
do not hate one another; be brothers." Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 4849; Muslim, 2563.
So you have to look for the reasons why your brother
is doing this to you. There may be causes that you can put
a stop to and help him to overcome.
If there is no apparent reason, there is nothing wrong
with asking someone whose religious commitment and knowledge you trust to recite ruqyah for him and find
out what is going on. If he finds out that he has
been bewitched, then you have to treat him with remedies
that will remove that sihr (magic), remedies that are
proven in the Qur'aan and Sunnah.
Whatever the case, such a situation requires
deliberation and wisdom in your dealing with him. Whether he
is disobeying his Lord by treating his parents badly or
he has been bewitched, he is sick, and the sick person
needs to be treated kindly in order to find the most
suitable remedy for his condition.
We ask Allaah to set the affairs of all the Muslims
straight. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
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23362: She is upset by her husband's many guests
who come all the time
Question:
My husband likes to invite people all the time in our
house. this causes me a great deal of inconvenience and
upsets me as it takes out of our private time as a couple. to
what extent we are obliged to our guests? and what is our
rights and responsibilities towrads our guests in islam?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It was narrated that Abu Shurayh al-`Adawi said: I
heard with my own two ears and I saw with my own two
eyes when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) spoke and said: "Whoever believes in Allaah
and the Last Day, let him honour his neighbour;
whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him honour
his guest as he is entitled." It was said, `What is
his entitlement, O Messenger of Allaah?" He said, "[The
best treatment] for one day and one night; and hospitality
is for three days, and anything after that is charity
bestowed upon him. And whoever believes in Allaah and the
Last Day, let him, speak good words or else remain
silent." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5560; Muslim, 69. This
version was narrated by al-Bukhaari.
The guest has rights, as the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said. There should be no
doubt about this matter. If guests come without being
invited, they should be honoured, as the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said.
Yes, if they are bad friends or are those who have
nothing better to do and impose themselves on others all the
time, then they should be treated in a manner that befits
them, because they annoy the people with their actions.
But if it is your husband who is inviting a lot of people
to your house, then in this case you should speak to him in
a gentle manner, and come to an agreement about how
to invite people, so that he will not invite anyone
without speaking to you first, and you can agree to reduce
the number of invitations in a suitable manner.
You _ may Allaah bless you _ should not express displeasure to your husband when the guests are
there, because this is something that will make matters
worse and will not solve the problem. You have to be
patient, because patience is the key to finding a way out.
Strive to create a calm atmosphere in your house,
with good words and kind treatment. Some husband may
resort to inviting a lot of friends over in an effort to relax,
because their wives may not be good at creating an
atmosphere that suits their husbands, so that makes them look for
this atmosphere with their friends. So try to understand
your husband's nature so that you can create a
suitable atmosphere that will make him happy and relaxed,
which is what is he is looking for with his friends.
We ask Allaah to set things straight between you, and
to help you to do that which He loves and which
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11458: Their father is active in da'wah but they
are complaining about his bad treatment of his family
Question:
My father goes with jamaat etc, and spends a lot of
time in markez and mosque. But when he is home he is
only arguing with his family. Especially his wife, he treats
her as the lowest thing on earth, and he never lkistend to
her. He evenmade her break contacts with her side of
the family, and she is very hurt and cries a lot. In his eyes
he is better than her family etc. He never listens to any of
us. He says what he says is right and that Islam agrees
with him. This is not right because Islams shouldnt agree
with anyone, we should agree with Islam. And Islam does
not teach to not listen to your wife and argue and not
treat your wife in a right way. We do not know what to do, it
is like he is terrorising us. He neve speaks to any of us in
a normal way, its only like get me this or get me that,
and else he will only but comment us for anything, like
why are you holding a pen like that, the strangest things.
But the most is that he is hurting my mum, by acting like
this, and she is already ill. I am desperate, and so is my
family, we dont know what to do. Please help us as son as
you can, please.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The Muslim must develop a good attitude and commendable conduct. He has to avoid the things
that incur the wrath of Allaah, and say only that which is
best. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And say to My slaves (i.e. the true believers of
Islamic Monotheism) that they should (only) say those words
that are the best. (Because) Shaytaan (Satan) verily, sows
a state of conflict and disagreements among them.
Surely, Shaytaan (Satan) is to man a plain enemy"
[al-Isra' 17:53]
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "The believer does not slander,
curse, or speak in an obscene or foul manner." Narrated by
al-Tirmidhi, 1977, from the hadeeth of `Abd-Allaah
ibn Mas'ood. Classed as saheeh by Ibn Hibaan, 1/421;
al-Haakim, 1/57; al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Jaami', 5381.
It was narrated that Abu'l-Darda' (may Allaah be
pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Allaah hates
the obscene, foul-mouthed person." Narrated and classed
as saheeh by al-Tirmidhi, 2002.
Al-San'aani said:
This hadeeth tells us that swearing and cursing are
not characteristics of the true believer, but an exception
is made in the case of cursing kaafirs, drinkers of
alcohol and those whom Allaah and His Messenger cursed.
Subul al-Salaam, 4/198.
So the believer has to develop the attitude described
in the Qur'aan, and the attitude exemplified by the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him),
especially towards his family. The Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "The best of
you is the one who is best to his family."
Al-Shawkaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Here we are told that the best of the people are those
who are best towards their families because the family are
the ones who most deserve to cheerfulness, good attitude
and kindness; benefits should be brought to them and
harm warded off from them. If a man is like that then he is
the best of people, but if he is the opposite then he is
the worst type. People often make this mistake, so you see
a man who, when he meets his family he treats them in
the worst and most unkind manner, and when he
meets strangers who are not part of his family, he is gentle
and polite and kind to them. Undoubtedly a person who
is like that is deprived of divine support and is going
astray from the straight path. We ask Allaah to keep us safe
and sound.
Nayl al-Awtaar, 6/360.
The group with whom your father is going out is
well known for having and promoting good characteristics,
so the basic principle is that he is like that too, and that
he fears Allaah. We say to you _ if what you say about
your father is true _ that this is a test, and you have to be
patient and pray that Allaah will guide him to the best of
attitudes and characteristics.
Patience undoubtedly brings a great reward. His wife
must also be patient and put up with her husband's
annoyance, and obey him with regard to that which Allaah
has permitted. If he is forbidding her to visit her relatives
for a legitimate shar'i reason, then he has the right to do
that, but if there is no legitimate reason then she has to
obey him, but he is sinning, and the wife will be rewarded
in sha Allaah.
More advice may be found in the answer to question
no. 482. We advise you to look at that, and we advise
both husband and wife to read the answer to question
no. 10608, which explains the rights of each spouse over
the other.
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13436: Is there any hadd punishment or expiation
for masturbation?
Question:
I would like to know.Due to masturbation I broke
my hymen.Does this makes me a zaniya.Do i have to
be punished with hundred lashes or is there any
other punishment for this in our religion.And if there is
please let me know and I also want to know can I marry a
chaste person after indulging in masturbation so
many times.Please answer in accordance with Quran
and Sunnah.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
The secret habit (masturbation) is haraam, as we
have explained in the answer to question no.
329. You have to repent from this action and give it up, and regret
what you have done, and resolve not to go back to it.
There are many punishments for the sinner in this
world, let alone the punishment that he deserves in the
Hereafter. We have already mentioned some of these
punishments in the answer to question no.
23425. So hasten to repent sincerely before you are no longer able to do so, and
before you feel regret at the time when regret will be to no avail.
If Allaah honours you by enabling you to repent, you
will be forgiven for this sin, and it will be as if it
never happened. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "The one who repents is like the
one who did not sin." Narrated by Ibn Maajah; classed as
hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah, 3427.
Secondly:
Breaking the hymen as a result of this action is not
zina, and no hadd punishment or expiation (kafaarah)
is required.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was asked about masturbation and he replied:
With regard to masturbation, the basic ruling is that it
is haraam according to the majority of scholars, and the
one who does it should be given a ta'zeer punishment, but
it is not like zina. And Allaah knows best.
Al-Fataawa al-Kubra, 3/439.
Thirdly:
If it is obvious that the hymen has been broken as a
result of masturbation, then you have to tell your fiancé
what happened to you, without giving any details that may
cause you embarrassment. It is sufficient for him to know
that this happened without any fornication, because the
hymen may be broken because of exercise, being beaten,
falling or being sick.
You will never be exposed if you repent to Allaah and
are sincere in your repentance, for Allaah is the
Concealer and loves concealment.
And Allaah knows best.
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27152: Her uncle sexually abused her and this has
affected her psychologically
Question:
My uncle(mother's brother) used to come to my
house once in a while. i have been molested by him when i
was about 12. That time i didn't know how to handle it.
i couln't tell it to my mother as i was scared. After i
crossed 15 he stopped. this has been troubling me for a long
time. i never mentioned about this to anyone. sometimes i
cry thinking about it. is their any dua that would help
me here. one thing i know is i didn't commit any sin
here expect for not telling my parents. and Allah knows
how much this incident has affected my soul..
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Undoubtedly what your uncle did is a crime that
deserves punishment in this world and torment in the
Hereafter. Many people's religious conscience has been
weakened by what they see and read, which provokes their
desire, so they fulfil their desires in ways that Allaah
has forbidden. One of the most abhorrent and evil
examples of that is incest between a man and his mahrams
(female relatives to whom marriage is forbidden), which
is deserving of a severe punishment in the Hereafter.
Your mistake was not telling anyone in your family
so that they could put a stop to what this uncle was
doing. But because that is in the past and has now ended,
and you hated the situation from the outset, there is no sin
on you now.
You have to try to forget the evil thing that he did,
and learn a lesson from it for the future, for yourself and
your children. We advise you to pray to Allaah and ask Him
to relieve you of your worry and take away your
distress. Some du'aa's that have been narrated in the Sunnah
are as follows:
(a) It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said: The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say:
"Allaahumma inni a'oodhu bika min al-hamm
wa'l-hazn wa'l-`ajz wa'l-kasal wa'l-bukhl wa'l-jubn wa dala'
al-dayn wa ghalbat al-rijaal (O Allaah, I seek refuge
with You from distress, grief, incapacity, laziness,
miserliness, cowardice, the burden of debt and from
being overpowered by men)."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6008.
Ibn Hajar said:
The interpretation of these things is: "distress" means
bad things that the mind imagines are happening at
present; "grief" for what has happened in the past; "incapacity"
is the opposite of ability; "laziness" is the opposite of
being energetic; "miserliness" is the opposite of
generosity; "cowardice" is the opposite of courage.
Fath al-Baari.
(b) It was narrated that `Abd-Allaah ibn Mas'ood
said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "There is no-one who is afflicted
by distress and grief, and says: `Allaahumma inni
`abduka ibn `abdika ibn amatija naasyati bi yadika, maada
fiyya hukmuka, `adlun fiyya qadaa'uka. As'aluka bi kulli
ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu
fi kitaabika aw `allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista'tharta bihi fi `ilm il-ghayb `indaka an taj'al
al-Qur'aana rabee' qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa' huzni
wa dhihaab hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of
Your slave, son of Your maidservant; my forelock is in
Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed
and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every
name belonging to You which You have named Yourself
with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of
Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of
the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur'aan the life
of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure
for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety),' but Allaah
will take away his distress and grief, and replace it with
joy." He was asked: "O Messenger of Allaah, should we
learn this?" He said: "Of course; everyone who hears it
should learn it."
Narrated by Ahmad, 3704; classed as saheeh by
Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah
al-Saheehah, 199.
So do not give in to the pain of the past and forget
yourself. You have to keep yourself busy with acts of obedience
to Allaah, such as memorizing Qur'aan, reading books
of knowledge and the biographies of the righteous salaf,
and look for good friends.
We ask Allaah to bless you with that and more.
And Allaah is the Source of strength.
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33651: Dealing with the fitnah (temptation) of women
Question:
I have read the words of the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him), "I have not left behind me
any fitnah (temptation) more harmful to men than
women." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5096; Muslim, 2740.
My question is: how can I save myself from this temptation, when I see it everywhere _ in the street,
on TV, on the internet, at work…?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has created man in a world of trials and tests,
and He has made Paradise the abode of His friends
and beloved ones, who preferred His pleasure over their
own and preferred obedience to Him over their
physical comfort. And He has made Hell the abode of those
among His slaves who disobey Him and preferred their
own whims and desires to the pleasure of their Lord.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Such is the Paradise which We shall give as
an inheritance to those of Our slaves who have
been AlMuttaqoon (the pious)"
[Maryam 19:63]
"But as for him who feared standing before his
Lord, and restrained himself from impure evil desires and lusts.
Verily, Paradise will be his abode"
[al-Naaz'i'aat 79:40-41]
And He says concerning the people of Hell
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Then, there has succeeded them a posterity who
have given up AsSalaat (the prayers) [i.e. made their
Salaat (prayers) to be lost, either by not offering them or by
not offering them perfectly or by not offering them in
their proper fixed times] and have followed lusts. So they
will be thrown in Hell"
[Maryam 19:59]
And He says (interpretation of the meaning):
"That shall be their recompense, Hell; because
they disbelieved and took My Ayaat (proofs, evidences,
verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) and My Messengers
by way of jest and mockery"
[al-Kahf 18:106]
"Then for him who transgressed all bounds, (in
disbelief, oppression and evil deeds of disobedience to Allaah).
And preferred the life of this world (by following his
evil desires and lusts),
Verily, his abode will be Hellfire"
[al-Naazi'aat 79:37-39]
So the Muslim must strive to worship Allaah and
keep away from that which angers Allaah, for Allaah will
not cause the reward the one who does good to be lost:
"As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We
will surely guide them to Our paths (i.e. Allaah's religion
— Islamic Monotheism). And verily, Allaah is with
the Muhsinoon (good-doers)"
[al-`Ankaboot 29:69 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
One of the fitnahs (temptations) with which we are
tested is the fitnah of women, as the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "I have not left behind
me any fitnah (temptation) more harmful to men
than women." There follow some of the methods by which
we can avoid this temptation. We ask Allaah to set the
affairs of the Muslims straight.
1 _ Faith in Allaah.
Faith in Allaah and fear of Allaah provide a safety
valve and protect a person against committing haraam
actions and following his own whims and desires.
If the believer becomes aware that Allaah is
always watching and if he ponders the meanings of His
names and attributes, such as the All-Knowing, the
All-Hearing, the All-Seeing, the Watchful, the Reckoner, the
Preserver, the All-Encompassing, that will generate fear of Him
in secret and in public, and will put a stop to
disobedience towards Allaah, and will reduce the strength of desire
that leads many people to commit haraam actions.
2 _ Lowering the gaze and avoiding looking at
haraam things
The gaze can generate bad thoughts in the heart,
which then lead to ideas and then to desires, then to will
and resolve, and then inevitably to doing haraam things.
Think about the meaning of this verse which makes a
connection between the first steps towards haraam and the end
result. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from
looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts
(from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily,
Allaah is AllAware of what they do"
[al-Noor 24:30]
Ibn Katheer said: "This is a command from Allaah to
His believing slaves, to lower their gaze and avoid looking
at that which is forbidden to them so that they only look
at that which they are permitted to look at. If it so
happens that a person's gaze accidentally falls upon
something haraam, he should turn his gaze away from it quickly.
3 _ Warding off evil thoughts
Bad thoughts pose a danger to the heart… If a
person dwells on them and does not push them away, they
will develop into an idea, then into will and resolve, then
this will inevitably lead to haraam actions. Beware of
dwelling on passing thoughts; rather what you must do is to
ward them off and crowd them out with good thoughts.
The treatment, then, is to ward off these passing
thoughts and keep yourself busy with beneficial thoughts.
4 _ Marriage
It was narrated that `Abd-Allaah ibn Mas'ood said:
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let
him get married, and whoever cannot, let him fast, for it
will be a shield for him." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5065.
5 _ Fasting for those who cannot afford to get
married
_ because of the hadeeth quoted above, in which it
says, "…and whoever cannot, let him fast, for it will be a
shield for him." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5065.
Al-Qurtubi said:
The less a person eats, the weaker his desire
becomes, and the weaker his desire is, the less sins he commits.
6 _ Keeping away from bad companions.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "A man will follow the way of his close friends,
so let each one of you look at who he takes as a close
friend." Narrated by Abu Dawood, 8433; classed as hasan by
al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 4046.
7 _ Keeping away from places of
temptation.
It is obvious that we are living in a society that is
filled with temptation _ media of all types, magazines,
flirting in the marketplaces, satellite TV, the internet, etc…
So you have to flee from all of these in order to keep
your religious commitment sound.
8 _ Do not make your houses graves.
Make your house a reminder of obedience, not of sin. If
a room is connected to sin for example, that will make
a person commit sin repeatedly, because every time
he enters that room he will remember the sin and may
be provoked to commit the sin again. So he should make
his room and his house a reminder of obedience to
Allaah, so when he enters he sees the Mus-haf which he
reads, and he remembers praying qiyaam al-layl for Allaah,
and the regular Sunnah prayers that he offers in this
room. Doing a lot of acts of worship in your house will make
a connection in your mind between the house and
doing good deeds, so you will do more and will think less
of sin, and the calls of desire will grow less.
9 _ Trying to make the most of your time in
worshipping and obeying Allaah.
Time is one of the great blessings that Allaah has
bestowed upon His slaves, but there are many who are not
making the most of it. It was narrated that Ibn `Abbaas (may
Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Two
blessings which many people do not make the most of: good
health and spare time." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6412.
See also question no. 3234.
10 _ Remembering the blessings of the Hereafter.
Particularly appropriate in this context is
remembering al-hoor al-`iyn and their attributes, whom Allaah
has prepared for those who are patient and steadfast
in avoiding sin. This can help the Muslim to look at
these transient haraam pleasures which only lead to regret
and loss.
We ask Allaah to help us to avoid temptation, both
obvious and hidden. Praise be to Allaah the Lord of the Worlds.
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27107: She is married to a Muslim and hijab is putting
her off Islam
Question:
My husbad is Muslim and has talked frequently
about me becoming Muslim myself. I just have one
concern... the women being covered. Why do they need to
cover themselves and only reveal what is odinarily revealed.
I am American, we reveal almost the entire body here.
I just want to get an understanding.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
There can be no doubt that Allaah only enjoins that
in which there is wisdom, but in some cases the
wisdom behind some rulings may be hidden from people, and
in some cases it may be quite obvious _ such as
the prohibition on alcohol which clouds the mind and
hinders people from the remembrance of Allaah and from
prayer [cf. al-Maa'idah 5:91].
The wisdom behind the prescription of hijab is one of
the most clear, because it is a covering for woman and
guards their chastity, and it prevents the foolish from
making approaches and harassing them. How often has a
woman's hijab prevented the devils among mankind
from harrassing her? How often have unveiled women made
a display of their beauty and charms, which has led to
their being harrassed by the foolish? Concerning this,
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and
the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils)
all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely
except the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be
better, that they should be known (as free respectable
women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever
OftForgiving, Most Merciful"
[al-Ahzaab 33:59]
This verse gives the complete answer to your
question, because Allaah mentions here the command to
His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) to tell his wives and daughters and the believing
women to wear hijab, and it mentions the wisdom behind
that, which is so that they may be protected and not
exposed to annoyance.
When women go out showing most of their bodies _
as the questioner mentions _ this is one of the greatest
causes of crime and corruption of men's morals, and of the
spread of immorality. It is also degrading for woman, as we
see women becoming cheap products for business-owners
and advertisers, who show woman half-naked and devoid
of modesty in order to attract customers and market
their products.
A woman's body belongs to her and is not to be
shared with people. When she gets married it belongs to
her husband and she should not let anyone else have a
share in it. What does a woman want when she shows her
body and exposes her charms to onlookers? Does she just
want them to look and stare, and what is the affect of that
on rapists and the foolish? How are you going to stop
them from getting what they want by attacking you and
trying to rape you. Are you going to show some meat to
the hungry and then try to stop them from eating it?
In a modern study it was shown that:
65% of female workers are exposed to sexual
harassment in their place of work in some European countries.
18% of women in America have been raped or been subjected to attempted rape at some stage in their lives.
More than half of victims were under the age of 17.
Kitaab Ihsaa'aat, Diraasaat, Arqaam (p. 140).
Islamic sharee'ah brought that which is best for men
and for women, and for the family and society. It does
not impose restrictions on women as some enemies of
Islam claim. Islam allows women to work, seek
knowledge, engage in business, testify in court, uphold the ties
of kinship, visit the sick, and so on, but it has set
limits regarding her going out in order to protect her and
to prevent the foolish from harassing her.
We say to the questioner:
Many western women, when they think about it and
come to know the reality of Allaah's laws concerning
women, do not hesitate to declare their Islam and enter into
the religion of the Prophets and the righteous.
In Islam, women are protected and looked after. That
is not in return for her staying in the home only, rather
that is because she plays a great role, which is taking care
of her husband and raising and caring for children. This
is an important role, because the soundness or
corruption of society depends on the extent to which mothers
are successful in their raising and teaching of their children.
One of the largest British insurance companies
carried out a study on one million housewives, which
produced amazing results. This study showed that the average
full-time housewife spends 19 hours per day meeting the
needs of her family, because she is the one who is raising
the children, teaching them, looking after family
members when they fall sick, and is responsible for the
household budget.
In addition to that _ looking at what the houswife's
value from a purely materialistic point of view, far
removed from any emotional criteria _ a woman who stays at
home is the most valuable thing the family can have.
Op. cit., p. 118, 119
It has become clear to many wise women the
serious danger posed by the false freedom that they are
enjoying and they have finally realized where this path will
lead them. It is stated in another study that:
80% of American women think that the freedom
that women have gained in the last 30 years is the reason
for the promiscuity and violence that are prevalent nowadays.
75% feel worried about the loss of values and
the disintegration of the family.
80% have great difficulty in combining their responsibilities at work with their responsibilities
towards their husbands and children.
87% said that if the clock was turned back they
would consider the demands for equality as a social
conspiracy against the United States and they would resist those
who raise the banner of equality.
op. cit., p. 147
All it needs is for you to think about the matter a
little, and look at real life, and you will see that hijab
spares women from evil, harm and crimes. Islam has closed
the door to such evils with its laws, including the
requirement for women past the age of puberty to wear hijab.
Finally we would like to congratulate you on the fact
that Allaah has granted you a Muslim husband, so that
you will be able to see Islam in practice from him and
his Muslim relatives, which may encourage you to enter
Islam and which may remove the barrier of fear about
entering this great and purely monotheistic religion. Also note
that entering this final religion, which Allaah wants for
all people, is a great honour of which you may be
deprived if you delay and death then overtakes you. So hasten
to enter Islam, with submission to the will of Allaah,
with eagerness and delighting in this blessing of Allaah.
You should note that if you fall short in your
observance of hijab because your human weakness or you
feel embarrassed in front of your people, this is regarded as
a sin. That should not prevent you from doing the
great good deed which will lead you to Paradise and save
you from Hell, namely embracing Islam. You should also
note that the Shaytaan (Satan) is the enemy of all the sons
of Adam, and he is the one who is stirring up these
doubts in order to prevent you from entering this religion,
so that he can increase the number of those who will
follow him to Hell. So be strong and courageous in making
the decision that will lead to eternal happiness, by
Allaah's leave. We ask Allaah to help you and to give you the
will power to enter Islam as our sister in Islam, and to
share this blessing. We thank you for your confidence in us.
And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight path.
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20927: She is jealous because her husband cares
more about his sister than her
Question:
I never used to quarrel with my husband before.i
love him very much.i have 5 month old baby.i'm very
worried now thats why i'm requesting your kind suggesion.
my husband has a sister she with her husband and
three children resides near our flat.whenever i my husband
his sister and her husband goes out to buy things my
husband and she will go together without minding me and
her husband.she used to call my husband everyday in
his office.she want him to ask her oppinion in every
matters.so sometimes i feel very bad and quarrel with my hus.i
know thats not good for a mulim woman so i used to ask him
to forgive me. she used to tell him things like her
daughters periods and all.she used to complaint her husband in
most of the matters.is it correct. i want to know whether a
man has more responsibility for his sister (who got
married and an earning husband)than his wife?
please give your valid oppinion.may allah bless
you&may your every good wishes come true.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
The relationship between a man and his family
should not get in the way of his relationship with his wife
and children. The smart wife is the one who is keen for
her husband to develop a strong relationship with his
own family and for there to be friendship and love
between them. She should not be an obstacle in the way of
the happiness of her husband's family.
The smart wife is wise in her dealings if she sees
some shortcomings in the way he treats his children and
wife, and she is wise if she sees him exaggerating in his
concern for his family at the expense of his wife and children.
So she makes him aware of his mistake by hinting, not
by stating it bluntly, and she advises him without hurting
his feelings, and shows him the right way without
making him feel that he is wrong, letting him feel that she
loves his family and cares for them.
A woman should not think that her husband's care for
his family will make him fall short in his duties towards
her and his children. There is a difference between a
husband falling short in his duties towards his wife and
children and his loving his family. What makes a man care for
his family is his love for them, not his negligence
towards his wife and children.
Secondly:
Your husband has rights and you have duties. Each
of you should do that which is enjoined upon him or her
by sharee'ah. Sharee'ah cannot make a man stop loving
his family because he has got married, and we cannot
ask him to suppress his feelings for the sake of his wife
and children. They were his family before he got married
and they will remain his family after he gets married.
You have to try hard to deal with your own feelings,
and advise your husband when he falls short in his
duties towards you and his children. You do not have the
right to denounce him for his love for his sister or his
family. There is the fear in such situations that the man will
say, "I can find a thousand wives but I cannot find
another brother or sister." So beware of making the matter
reach that state.
At the same time we advise the husband to be pay
attention to his wife's feelings and to take care of his wife
and children. We also advise the sister to give her
brother similar advice.
Islam enjoins doing that which is in the interests of
all concerned, so that they may share in building the
family, not destroying it. All of us must do the duties that
Allaah has enjoined upon us, without exaggeration or neglect.
And Allaah is the Guide to the straight path.
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33713: She has the bad habit of nail biting
Question:
This is one question which i think will help many of
your clients..im a nail biter, and a chronic one too. no
matter how hard i try, i havent been able to give up this
awful habit.
Ive heard that nail biting is deeply disliked in Islam,
but nobody has been able to give me any substantive
reasoning to prove this.
Can you please guide me here?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The doctors say that the phenomenon of nail biting
among children is connected to psychological problems. If
you have had this problem since you were small, then
we advise you to consult a psychologist whom you trust
with regard to his religious commitment and knowledge.
From the point of view of sharee'ah:
Islam brought the best of attitudes and habits, and
forbids bad attitudes and habits. This habit _ nail biting _
is disliked by most people and they regard it as a bad
habit. This is in addition to the physical harm that it may
do, because of the dirt that collects under the fingernails
and the damage that this may do to the nails and teeth.
Hence you should make yourself stop this habit. That
may be difficult in the beginning, but you will get used to
it and it will become a habit after that. This is the case
with all good attitudes that a person can make himself do
until they becomes a habit and second nature for him. As
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said, "Knowledge comes by learning and patience comes
by making oneself be patient." classed as hasan by
al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', 2328.
And Allaah knows best.
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39214: Possession and the illusions and facts that
are connected to it
Question:
I have been suffering from jinn possession for nearly
two years, and am not cured. What is strange is that I can
feel them in my body and can control them to some
degree, such as when I hear Qur'aan, I feel pain from them
starting in my stomach but I am able, by Allaah's leave, to
make them stop moving.
I believe that they will never leave unless Allaah wills
it. So I pray to Allaah and I do not go and look for
someone to perform ruqyah by reciting Qur'aan. Praise be
to Allaah, I am righteous by the grace of Allaah,
but sometimes I commit some sins. What is the reason
for that? What advice can you give?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. There are some facts and
some illusions connected to the issue of jinn possession,
and among most people nowadays the illusions outweigh
the facts. The Sunnis are unanimously agreed that the
jinn can dwell in the bodies of humans, but that does not
mean that everyone who has epilepsy is possessed by the
jinn, because epilepsy may have physical causes. The
pains etc. that many people feel in their bodies cannot
be ascribed for certain to the actions of the jinn, rather
they may be illusions or something imaginary.
So you should not pay any attention to the whispers
of the Shaytaan that make you think that he has done
this and that you can control it. This is one of the ways
in which the Shaytaan deceives the Muslim and makes
him think that he can control him, and that he has powers
that in fact he does not possess. This may lead to
bad consequences as has happened to many people.
You have to keep on treating yourself with ruqyah,
for the Book of your Lord is available to you. Recite from
it and treat yourself with ruqyah. Whether you are
possessed or not, you will undoubtedly benefit from this
reading and ruqyah.
For more information please see question no.
3476.
If you go to someone who is known for using ruqyah
as prescribed in sharee'ah and is also righteous and
keeps away from deviance and myths, there is nothing
wrong with that and it may be a means of your being
healed from this problem.
You have to seek the help of Allaah and pray to Him
and beseech Him to prevent the plots of the devils
among mankind and the jinn from harming you. Man is
always in need of his Lord, and Allaah is Able to rid you of
these thoughts, illusions and facts that are harming you.
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