Chapter 3
20798: She wants to run away from her father who hits her
Question:
I would be grateful if u answer my problem.my 16
year old female cousin lives currently in the us with her
parents & older brother.as due to the country's law no one
can hurt her,but her family is planning to go to their
homeland for a visit & she is sure that her father will hit her &
her mother,as he did before,or marry her of without
her consent.her father's side of the family will do nothing
& her brother joins in hitting her.i or my family can
do nothing to stop this.she is so sure that they will abuse
her that she plans to runaway prior to their departure,live
with a female friend & never return.i told her that this is
against our relegion but she wiling to take the risk of living
on the street than being alone with her father.if i tell my
family she will never trust me.only u can tell me what a
muslim girl is to do.please reply before its to late.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible for your cousin to run away from
her family and live with another family, because that
involves disobeying her parents and upsetting them and
damaging their reputation. Moreover her living with a strange
family will pose a great danger to her and her
religious commitment.
No matter how badly she is treated by her family,
that cannot compare with what she is planning to do.
No woman follows this course but she goes astray and
loses her religious commitment. That is the punishment
for disobeying her parents that comes in this world,
before the Hereafter. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "Two things for which the
punishment is hastened in this world: injustice and disobedience
to parents."
Narrated by al-Haakim and classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', no. 2810.
She may come to regret it at the time when regret will
be to no avail, when her father or mother dies angry
with her.
So she must go back to her family and honour her
father and treat him kindly. If he causes some annoyance let
her bear it with patience and seek reward. She
should understand that the fire of this world is not like the
Fire of the Hereafter, and that no matter what hardships
she endures in this world, if she earns the pleasure of
Allaah and enters Paradise, she will indeed have succeeded,
and no matter what comforts of this life she enjoys, if
she then incurs the wrath of Allaah and enters His Fire,
she will indeed be doomed.
She should regard the harm that her family does her
as being like a sickness that cannot be warded off. She
does not know, perhaps she may suffer diseases and pains
that are many times worse than that harm, as a
punishment for her disobedience and her living with someone
other than her family.
She should strive to make du'aa' and turn to Allaah,
asking Him to guide her parents and her brother, and to help
her to find a righteous husband.
If her parents insist on marrying her to someone who
is not suitable for her, she may refer the matter to
the sharee'ah court; the same applies if her father refuses
to marry her to a compatible man who comes to
propose marriage to her.
She does not have the right to arrange her own
marriage without the permission of her wali (guardian). If she
does that her marriage is invalid because the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There is
no marriage except with a wali." Narrated by Abu
Dawood, 2085; al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Ibn Maajah, 1881, from
the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash'ari; classed as saheeh
by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Any woman who gets married without
the permission of her wali, her marriage is invalid,
her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If the
marriage has been consummated, the mahr is hers because she
has allowed the man to be intimate with her. If there is
a dispute, then the ruler is the wali of the one who has
no wali." Narrated by Ahmad, 24417; Abu Dawood,
2083; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Jaami', no. 2709.
The point is that you should strive to advise your
cousin of what we have said here. If she insists on running
away from her family, you have to tell them about that, so as
to prevent this great evil from happening, even if that
leads to her not trusting you in the future. Denouncing evil
is obligatory upon the one who is able to do it, and
what you do will be good for her.
Her father should also be advised and reminded of
Allaah, and warned against mistreating his children
unlawfully. This is the kind of wrongdoing which will be
darkness on the Day of Resurrection.
And Allaah knows best.
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34151: His wife is weak in religious commitment _
what should he do?
Question:
I am a young man, thirty years old. Before I got married
I was not committed, but now _ praise be to Allaah _
I have been blessed with guidance. I got married to a
girl who graduated from the Faculty of Islamic Studies and
I was happy about that because I thought that she
would help me to obey Allaah. But after getting to know her,
I found out that she is a very ordinary girl and she is
not committed at all, and she has many negative
qualities, such as:
She cannot denounce any evil action, whether major
or minor. Rather she even does some evil actions such
as watching TV, gossiping, and doing few acts of
worship. But she also has some good qualities, such as being
good and patient, and she performs all her wifely duties
and takes care of the house.
What upsets me is that I wanted someone who
would help me to be more committed by marrying a woman
who was religiously committed, but I found that the one
who I thought was religiously committed needs someone
to help her.
This is my problem. I hope that you can help me find
a solution. Thank you very much.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The problem that you describe is one that is faced by
many young men who thought that their wives could learn
and make da'wah, and that they would strive hard in
worship and help their husbands to be religiously-committed,
no matter how much the husband fell short in that. But
in fact the wife cannot be influenced by anybody as
much as her husband. So if the husband does not set a
good example, the wife's commitment will soon become
weak. This is what usually happens. This does not mean
that there are not good situations in which the woman is
the example who leads her husband along the path
of guidance.
The fact that you have found out that your wife is
an ordinary girl does not mean that you have failed, and
it should not be a cause of regret. Rather that should be
a motive for you to seek the reward for calling her
to guidance.
What you have mentioned of her good qualities will
help you to achieve that, in sha Allaah.
So you should be the one who calls her, reminds her
and advises her… fill her free time with beneficial things
such as tapes, books and magazines. Do not give up on
rebuking her if she gossips or watches TV, but do that in a
gentle, compassionate and loving manner.
Try to make her join an organization for memorization
of Qur'aan, or get her to attend public lectures with you,
or to form ties with some righteous families. These are
the best ways in which you can help your wife to
strengthen her faith.
Perhaps what you mention about her not
worshipping much is related to your own shortcomings in that
regard, or to your neglecting to get her to join in. Try to help
her and remind her of the virtue of naafil prayers, the
reward for praying qiyaam al-layl and fasting. Do as many
of these acts of worship with her as you can.
Be the qawwaam (leader; protector and maintainer)
of your wife, prevent her from doing haraam things
or doubtful things.
Ask of Allaah, saying, "Our Lord! Bestow on us
from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes,
and make us leaders of the Muttaqoon (the pious)"
[al-Furqaan 25:74 _ interpretation of the
meaning].
We ask Allaah to set your affairs and the affairs of all
the Muslims straight.
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21052: Whispers from the Shaytaan
Question:
A waswasa is disturbing that maybe the rules of
shirk which apply in this world do not apply in the
universe. Somewhere else in the universe there might be a
place where the dead can hear and help, where going to
the graves is a form of worship etc. Please help me with
to fight this waswasa.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
One of the means that the Shaytaan uses to
misguide people is by casting doubts and whispers (waswaas)
into their hearts. The Messenger of Allaah peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) has warned us against some
of these things. It says in the hadeeth: "The Shaytaan
comes to any one of you and says, `Who created such and
such? Who created such and such?' until he says, `Who
created your Lord?' If that happens to you, seek refuge with
Allaah and give up these thoughts." Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, no. 3277
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) taught us two important things:
1 _ To turn to Allaah and seek His protection, and
to beseech Him, for He is the most Generous:
"And if an evil whisper comes to you from
Shaytaan (Satan), then seek refuge with Allaah"
[al-A'raaf 7:200 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
2 _ To put a stop to this matter and turn away from it,
and to keep ourselves busy with other, useful things.
The companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) came to him complaining about
the doubts and waswaas that they were suffering. In
Saheeh Muslim it is narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah
be pleased with him) said: "Some of the companions of
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) came to him and said, `We find in our
hearts things that none of us dares utter.' He said, `Do you
really find that?' They said, `Yes.' He said, `That is clear
faith.'" (2/153).
What is meant by his saying `That is clear faith' is
that their hatred of that waswasah and their rejecting it was
a clear sign of faith.
The Shaytaan only whispers to people of faith; as for
the kaafir he comes to him however he wants and does
not limit himself to waswaas, rather he toys with him
however he wishes.
The belief concerning which there can be no doubt is
that the entire universe, from its heights to its depths, is in
a state of submission to Allaah and no one in the
universe possesses any power. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"Say: (O Muhammad to polytheists, pagans) Call
upon those whom you assert (to be associate gods)
besides Allaah, they possess not even an atom's (or a small
ant's) weight either in the heavens or on the earth, nor
have they any share in either, nor there is for Him any
supporter from among them.
Intercession with Him profits not except for him
whom He permits"
[Saba' 34:22-23]
This crafty enemy is keen to misguide people and to
make them doubt. The more you seek the help of Allaah,
learn about your enemy and be prepared to face him, the
more you will be victorious over him. If you know your
true enemy, the following are the weapons at your disposal.
Firstly:
Adherence to the Qur'aan and Sunnah in word and
deed, and keeping away from the paths of misguidance, for
on every path there is a devil calling people to it. So
you should follow the beliefs, words, acts of worship and
laws that have come from Allaah and abstain from that
which He has forbidden. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"Enter perfectly in Islam (by obeying all the rules
and regulations of the Islamic religion)"
[al-Baqarah 2:208]
Silm (translated here as Islam) refers to Islam.
Muqaatil interpreted it as doing all kinds of good and
righteous deeds.
Whoever gives up any part of Islam has followed in
some of the footsteps of the Shaytaan.
Adhering to the Qur'aan and Sunnah in word and
deed expels the Shaytaan annoys him greatly. Muslim
narrated from Abu Hurayrah: "When the son of Adam recites
a verse of sajdah and prostrates, the Shaytaan
withdraws weeping, saying, `Woe to me, the son of Adam
was commanded to prostrate, and he prostrated, so
Paradise will be his; I was commanded to prostrate and I
disobeyed, so Hell will be mine.'" Narrated by Muslim, no. 133.
Secondly:
Seeking refuge with Allaah from all kinds of evil
and turning to Him. Islam teaches us to seek refuge with
Allaah in certain situations, such as the following:
When entering the washroom: "Allaahumma inni
a'oodhu bika min al-khubthi wa'l-khabaa'ith (O Allaah, I
seek refuge with You from the male and female devils)."
When one is angry: "A'oodhu Billaahi min
al-Shaytaan ir-rajeem (I seek refuge with Allaah from the
accursed Shaytaan)."
When having intercourse: "Bismillaah
Allaahumma jannibna al-shaytaan wa jannib al-shaytaana
ma razaqtana (In the name of Allaah, O Allaah, keep
the Shaytaan away from us and keep the Shaytaan away
from that which You may bless us with)."
When stopping in a place: "A'oodhu bi
kalimaat-Allaah il-taammah min sharri ma
khalaqa (I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allaah from the evil of that which
He has created)."
When hearing the braying of a donkey: "A'oodhu
Billaahi min al-Shaytaan ir-rajeem (I seek refuge with Allaah
from the accursed Shaytaan)."
When starting to read Qur'aan: "A'oodhu Billaah
il-samee' il-`aleem min al-Shaytaan ir-rajeem (I seek
refuge with Allaah, the All-Hearing, All-Knowing, from
the accursed Shaytaan)."
After starting to pray: "A'oodhu Billaah il-samee'
il-`aleem min al-Shaytaan ir-rajeem wa min hamzihi
wa nafakhihi wa nafthihi (I seek refuge with Allaah, the
All-Hearing, All-Knowing, from the accursed Shaytaan,
from his madness, his arrogance and his poetry)."
The best words with which we may seek refuge
with Allaah are al-Mi'wadhatayn i.e., Soorat al-Falaq
and Soorat al-Naas. It was narrated from `Uqbah ibn
`Aamir (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Do you
not see the verses that were revealed to me tonight, the
like of which have never been seen? Qul `aoodhu bi Rabb
il-falaq and Qul `aoodhi bi rabb
il-naas."
Narrated by Muslim, 814.
Thirdly:
Keeping busy with dhikr, for this is the greatest thing
that may protect a person. In the hadeeth it says that
Allaah commanded Yahya (peace be upon him) to enjoin
five things upon the Children of Israel, one of which was:
"I command you to remember Allaah, for this is like a
man who is being pursued by the enemy, then he comes to
a strong fortress and saves himself from them. Similarly
a man cannot save himself from his enemy except by
means of dhikr."
Narrated by al-Haafiz Abu Moosa al-Madani in
al-Targheeb fi'l-Khisaal al-Hameedah wa'l-Tarheeb min
al-Khilaal al-Murdiyyah. Ibn al-Qayyim said: Shaykh
al-Islam used to regard this hadeeth highly, and I heard
that he used to say: "The evidence for its being sound is
quote clear." al-Waabil al-Sayyib, 60.
Fourthly:
Adhering to the main body of the Muslims (the
jamaa'ah) by living in a Muslim land and choosing righteous
friends who will help him to do good. The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever
among you wants to attain the best part of Paradise, let him
adhere to the main body of the Muslims, for the Shaytaan is
with the one who is alone but he is farther away from two."
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2254. Al-Qaari' said: its
isnaad is saheeh. Al-Mubaarakfoori said: The entire hadeeth
is either saheeh or hasan. Tuhfat
al-Ahwadhi, 6/320.
Fifthly:
Opposing the Shaytaan, for he may come in the form
of someone offering sincere advice, so we must go
against him. For if he were really good he would be good
to himself first, but he has caused himself to be doomed
to Hell. So if he comes to you whilst you are praying,
and says, "You are showing off (so cut your prayer
short)," then make your prayer lengthy. If he says, "You
have broken your wudoo'," say, "You are lying". If he says
to you that the dead can hear you and benefit you or
harm you, tell him, "You are lying." When you eat, be
different from him and eat and drink with your right hand,
and take food with your right hand. This even applies to
taking a siesta, as it says in the hadeeth: "Take a siesta for
the devils do not take a siesta."
Narrated by Abu Na'eem with a saheeh isnaad.
Saheeh al-Jaami', 4/147.
Even with regard to a piece of food that falls to the
ground, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Pick it up and do not leave it for the Shaytaan…"
Narrated by Muslim, 12, al-Adaab.
Sixthly:
Repenting and seeking Allaah's forgiveness.
According to the hadeeth the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "The Shaytaan said to the Lord
of Glory: `By Your Glory O Lord, I will keep trying
to misguide Your slaves so long as their souls are in
their bodies.' The Lord said, `By My Glory and Majesty, I
will continue to forgive them so long as they ask
My forgiveness.'"
Narrated by Ahmad in al-Musnad and classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', 2/32
So man should always be in a state of repentance
and turning to Allaah. They have an example in their
father Adam (peace be upon him):
"Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves. If You
forgive us not, and bestow not upon us Your Mercy, we
shall certainly be of the losers"
[al-A'raaf 7:23 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
These are some of the means that will help you to
ward off this waswaas. We ask Allaah the Almighty, by
His most beautiful names and sublime attributes to grant
us refuge from the madness of the devils and from their
traps and whispers. Praise be to Allaah the Lord of the Worlds.
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20607: Family problems caused by husband's brother
Question:
I have a brother in law who is always at my house on
the phone with my husband or pulling my husband to go
out with him he can't seem to do anything without him,
its gotten to the point where I cant stand to see him
anymore. I feel he puts thoughts into my husbands head and
he takes him away from his responsibilities to me and
our three sons we have an active life with the three boys
and I always get the short end I love to do things for them
all but sometimes I'd like my husband to be with us
but usually this means his brother will tag along or
he'll constantly call untill he reaches us. I've had major
fights with my husband because he thinks its ok to say no to
me because I will understand and forgive him but his
brother will pout for a long time. I think he should be
more committed to us and not his brother if he wants us
to survive as a family. As a muslim women, am I asking
for to much or does his brothers feelings come first?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The husband has to understand that Allaah has
enjoined upon him to take care of his children, to bring them
up properly and to look after their affairs. He has
also enjoined upon him to treat his wife in a good and
kind manner. Allaah will question him about every
shortcoming with regard to these duties on the Day of Resurrection.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and
your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men
and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern
(and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the
Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they
are commanded"
[al-Tahreem 66:6]
"and live with them [women] honourably"
[al-Nisa' 4:19]
Secondly:
The husband should not allow into his life anything
that may come between him and his taking care of his
family, such as working continually, or allowing friends
or relatives to take all his time or interfere in his
family's affairs.
Nowadays the Muslim cannot find enough time to do
all the things that Allaah has enjoined upon him, so how
can he waste his time with other things at the expense of
these duties?
Thirdly:
The wife should not try to come between her
husband and his family. She should not complain about him
visiting them or their visiting him, unless he is giving that
priority over the duties that Allaah has enjoined upon him.
The father should not give anyone priority over
his children, whether that is his brother or any other
relative. Hence there is no need to cause a split and break the
family ties between your husband and his brother, or
between the children and their paternal uncle, because that
will have a far-reaching effect on their relationships with
other people and with their relatives.
Fourthly:
We advise you to be kind and gentle towards
your husband, and to show him that you have nothing
against his relationship with his brother. Do not cause
your children to dislike him.
If you see any shortcoming on your husband's part
with regard to his shar'i duties towards you, then
denounce that and remind him in a manner that is better,
without being too harsh. You can do that by hinting rather
than stating it bluntly, unless there is a need for that.
We have seen similar cases in some families where
the wife had another member of her family staying with
them for some reason. So we think that the husband's
treatment of his family will get better if he sees his wife treating
his family in a better manner.
And Allaah knows best.
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26192: Her sister does not pray and does not
behave properly
Question:
What should i do of my younger sister. She does not
offer any prayers, she is always telling lies and
fighhting.The whole house is sick and tired of her.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We appreciate your getting in touch with us, and we
ask Allaah to guide us and protect us from the evil of
our own selves.
With regard to your sister's situation, it is the same in
the case of many young people these days. We ask Allaah
to guide them and us. Our duty towards them _ as it
seems to be _ is as follows:
Firstly: we should turn to Allaah and ask Him to
guide them, for He is the controller of the hearts. Perhaps
a du'aa' from the heart will be the cause of her
happiness in this world and in the Hereafter.
Secondly: you should stop dealing with her on the
basis that she is a child or that she does not know what is in
her best interests. People _ especially in adolescence _
like the people around them to make them feel that they
are important; they do not like people to treat them as if
they are still children.
Thirdly: try to get her in touch with righteous
young women, and keep her away from her friends who are
not good, even if that means changing her school. That
should be done without her realizing what is going on,
because otherwise she may become more stubborn which
will make the problem worse.
Fourthly: You should not look at her with
disapproval only, rather you should express your approval of
good things that she does and you should give her gifts if
she does good things.
Fifthly: you could advise her via a person whom she
likes, such as a teacher or friend, etc.
Sixthly: You should try to give her tapes or
books containing teachings in an indirect manner, such as
putting them near her or listening to the tape in the car whilst
she is riding in it.
With regard to her not praying, this is an extremely
serious matter. The status of prayer in Islam is that of a
foundation on which the entire structure rests. Hence the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said,
"The covenant that stands between us and them is
prayer; whoever does not pray is a kaafir." (Narrated by
al-Tirmidhi, 2621; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 2113)
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "Between a man and shirk and
kufr stands his giving up prayer." (Narrated by Muslim, 82).
So you have to advise her and preach to her and guide
her to the right way; for this purpose you may
combine encouragement and threat, gentleness and strictness;
if the matter requires some harshness sometimes, there
is nothing wrong with using it.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Teach your children to pray when they are
seven years old, and hit them if they do not pray when they
are ten, and separate them in their beds." (Narrated by
Abu Dawood, 495; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Saheeh Abi Dawood, 466.
This strictness and harshness is only in her best interests.
We ask Allaah to set the affairs of the Muslims
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30901: A righteous young man is overwhelmed with
worry and anxiety. What is the remedy?
Question:
There is a young man who is suffering from
psychological distress, depression and worry, and he does not know
what is the cause. Please note that he prays qiyaam al-layl
and fasts a great deal, and he prays (the five daily
prayers), but sometimes he sleeps and misses a prayer. He
attends Islamic classes and reads books, and he is trying
to memorize the Qur'aan, and he listens to Islamic
tapes. Despite that he is suffering from depression and
worry. Please also note that this young man loves his
paternal aunt a great deal and was always helping her, and
the aunt is in good health.
I hope that you will answer me as soon as possible so
that this young man can be helped. Thank you very much.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We are happy to see your concern for this young man
and your eagerness to find an effective remedy to offer him
in the hope that Allaah will benefit him thereby. By
doing that you are strengthening the ties of Islamic
brotherhood. We hope that Allaah will reward you for that.
You have explained this young man's situation, and
we will reply in the following points:
1 _ In this dunya (this world _ the name in Arabic
carries connotations both of that which is close and that which
is base and vile), a man's life is not consistent, rather
his circumstances will vary between that which he likes
and that which he does not like. The wise man, when he
thinks about this world, will realize that he needs to develop
an optimistic outlook and put an end to worries and
distress that could disturb him and cause him stress.
What the Shaytaan wants to do is to cause the
Muslim grief and stress. Being introverted and thinking
constantly about pain and sorrow gives the Shaytaan a
great opportunity and may cause the worries and stress
to multiply. Looking forward to a happy life and
being optimistic is one of the means of feeling content and
at peace. It is known that this world is a mixture of ease
and hardship, joy and sorrow, hope and pain, so why should
a person help the dark side to prevail over the bright side?
Wisdom dictates that if a man cannot make
optimism prevail, then at the very least he should think in a
balanced and objective manner.
Secondly:
Feelings of stress and that life is too hard do not control
a man's mind unless there are reasons that provoke
these kinds of feelings. Rather they are indicative that
the relationship between a person and his Lord is not
sound. The more a man turns to Allaah and focuses on Him,
the more he will feel a sense of peace and comfort, to
an extent that no one knows except Allaah. Hence those
who know Allaah, are close to Him and fear Him are
the happiest of people, to such an extent that one of
them said, in a well known expression: "If the kings and
the sons of kings knew what joy we have, they would
fight us for it with the sword." This is also what is
expressed in the Qur'aan, as Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"Whoever works righteousness — whether male or
female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of
Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life
(in this world with respect, contentment and
lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward
in proportion to the best of what they used to do
(i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)"
[al-Nahl 16:97]
But feeling stressed is a kind of wake-up call that alerts
a person to check on his relationship with his Lord,
because sins may have the effect of making a person feel
scattered and unfocused. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"But whosoever turns away from My Reminder
(i.e. neither believes in this Qur'aan nor acts on its
teachings) verily, for him is a life of hardship, and We shall
raise him up blind on the Day of Resurrection"
[Ta-Ha 20:124]
There is a great deal of goodness in the young man
whom you are asking about, for he is a person who is keen
to seek knowledge, and he does naafil acts of worship
such as fasting, and he upholds ties of kinship with his
aunt. However you must draw his attention to the fact that
he has to check on his relationship with Allaah, for
there may be some sin that is preventing him from
achieving this sense of happiness, some sin that he has
committed with regard to the rights of Allaah or the rights of
others. So encourage him to repent and seek forgiveness a
great deal, especially since you said that he sometimes
sleeps and misses the prayer _ this is a serious matter
although many people take it lightly.
Thirdly:
It may be that this test of this person through
disasters and calamities is something that has been decreed
by Allaah for him in order to raise him in status, if he
persists in obeying what Allaah has commanded, which is to
be patient and accept whatever Allaah decrees.
Everything that Allaah decrees for a believer is good for him and
his affairs, both spiritual and worldly. The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for all his
affairs are good, and that applies to no one except a believer.
If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for
it and that is good for him, and if something bad happens
to him, he bears it with patience, and that is also good
for him." (Narrated by Muslim, 2999)
If something bad happens to a believer, he either bears
it with patience or panics. If he is patient he earns a
great reward and accepts the will and decree of Allaah,
because he knows that it comes from Allaah, so he feels
content with it and accepts it. So what reason is there to
panic and feel stressed?
On the contrary, if he is not patient and he reacts to
what befalls him of sin with panic and anger, and worry
and stress, he will lose the reward that Allaah has
promised to those who are patient. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"Only those who are patient shall receive their reward
in full, without reckoning"
[al-Zumar 39:10]
Fourthly:
He should sincerely turn towards Allaah and call
upon Him (du'a'), beseeching Him to relieve him of
this waswaas (whispers from the Shaytaan) and seeking
refuge in Him a great deal from the accursed Shaytaan. For
it annoys the Shaytaan to see a believing slave feeling
peace of mind and contentment, so he whispers to him to
distract him from that and make him fearful and confused.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) taught us a du'aa' by which we may ward off worries
and distress. Ahmad (3528) narrated that `Abd-Allaah
ibn Mas'ood said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"There is no-one who is afflicted by distress and
grief, and says: `Allaahumma inni `abduka ibn `abdika
ibn amatija naasyati bi yadika, maada fiyya hukmuka,
`adlun fiyya qadaa'uka. As'aluka bi kulli ismin huwa
laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika
aw `allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista'tharta bihi fi
`ilm il-ghayb `indaka an taj'al al-Qur'aana rabee' qalbi
wa noor sadri wa jalaa' huzni wa dhihaab hammi (O
Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of
Your maidservant; my forelock is in Your hand, Your
command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me
is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You
which You have named Yourself with, or revealed in Your
Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You
have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You,
that You make the Qur'aan the life of my heart and the
light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a
release for my anxiety),' but Allaah will take away his
distress and grief, and replace it with joy." He was asked:
"O Messenger of Allaah, should we learn this?" He said:
"Of course; everyone who hears it should learn it."
(Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah
al-Saheehah, 199)
Fifthly:
Try to suggest that he change something in his
daily routine, to allow himself the opportunity to do
different kinds of permissible things that will relieve him
of boredom and renew his energy. There is nothing
wrong with travelling for leisure purposes or to relax, so long
he does not go to extremes. Even better than that is if he
can travel for the purpose of `Umrah and to visit the
Prophet's mosque, because a change of scene can be very beneficial.
Sixthly:
He has to keep away from places that he feels make
his worry and distress worse, or that stir these feeling up
again. He should avoid reading novels that tell sad stories,
and he should try not to sit with people who are worried
and distressed, even if his intention is to console them.
On the contrary, he should try to read useful books that
will take him away from these worries. If he feels
stressed and upset, he should not isolate himself or think
constantly about his problems in this situation.
Finally:
Our advice to this young man is that he should raise
his head and look forward, and view the future with
optimism and the certainty that he will succeed. I say to him:
You have a great deal of potential for success and
high achievement, and a lot is to be expected of someone
like you. We hope that these troubles and worries will be
lifted from you. May Allaah make things easy for you and
relieve you of your distress and worry.
And Allaah knows best.
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10276: A new Muslimah wants to study but cannot
Question:
There is a muslim sister who just finished high
school last year. and she moved overseas away from her
mother to her brother in another country. however she
became muslim and the rest of her family is not muslim
or followers of any belief.
she used to wear hidjab but now she does not wear
it properly. there is no excuse for it but she wishes she
could get a job that has no problem with her hidjab. and that
her brother would not push her to take it off. she has a
job, but wants to go to college and get a degree in
teaching. That is a problem. Because in her mother's country,
the government loans involve high interest. and the
country she is in now, has loans without interest, but she
must wait two whole years before she can even apply for
such a loan. she does not want to waste her time. she met
a pious taxi driver who told her she should not be in
such an environment; she should marry as soon as
possible. her brother would never let her leave the house and
he has a very strong influence. she feels like going back
to her mother's country to study but she does not desire
a loan with riba. what do you advise her to do.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Praise be to Allaah Who has guided you to Islam. This
is a great blessing that cannot be matched by any
other blessing on earth.
Secondly:
Undoubtedly the committed Muslim who is new in
Islam will face some difficulties and problems, especially
when they come from a way of life which has to be
changed when one enters Islam. As a result, the new Muslim
may face some difficulties with his family and the society
in which he lives.
Thirdly:
The new Muslim must look for committed and
righteous friends who can help him, teach him and give him
advice so that he will not be affected by the atmosphere
around him, and so that the Shaytaan or bad friends cannot
make him slip or go back to his former ways.
Fourthly:
I advise this Muslim sister to fear Allaah and to
wear proper Islamic hijab. She may face some difficulties
but Allaah will help her and will protect her if He knows
that she has a sincere and pure intention.
Fifthly:
I advise her not to go to university because that will
lead her to doing some things that are forbidden in
sharee'ah, such as dealing with riba (interest) _ as mentioned in
the question _ or taking off her hijab or mixing freely
with men.
Sixthly:
I advise her to look for a Muslim husband who will
keep her chaste and under whose protection she can live,
as that Muslim taxi driver mentioned to her. She should
seek the help of Allaah to achieve that. And she should
strive to learn Islam so that she can call others to Allaah
and save whoever she can among her family, relatives
and society from dying in shirk. This is the best and
most important of deeds. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"And who is better in speech than he who [says:
`My Lord is Allaah (believes in His Oneness),' and then
stands firm (acts upon His Order), and] invites (men) to
Allaah's (Islamic Monotheism), and does righteous deeds,
and says: `I am one of the Muslims'"
[Fussilat 41:33]
I ask Allaah to make you steadfast in Islam and to
guide your family.
And Allaah knows best.
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21865: He is afraid of meeting people
Question:
I am a young Muslim man. I feel afraid of people
in general, and this makes me introverted to the extent
that sometimes I may be entitled to something but I do
not ask for it because I am afraid. I usually avoid
people because I am scared they think badly of me. Is there
any solution? Does this mean my faith is weak?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Faith becomes weaker as a result of neglecting
obligatory duties and doing haraam things. So long as you are
doing your duty towards Allaah and heeded His
prohibitions, your introversion and keeping away from people, and
your fear of them, will not harm you. But if your fear
keeps you from doing any obligatory duty then you will
have committed sin thereby, for example, if your fear
stops you attending prayers in congregation in the mosque,
or stops you denouncing any evil action that you
could change by speaking out or taking action, or stops you
from offering advice that you should offer to those who
need it.
You should not give in to these fears or accept them,
rather you should look for the causes and try to deal with
them. It may help you to know that created beings have no
power to bring benefit to themselves or to ward off harm,
rather if the nation were to gather together to benefit you in
some way, they could not do so unless Allaah has decreed
that for you, and if they were to gather together to harm
you in some way, they could not do that unless Allaah
has decreed that for you. The pens have been lifted and
the pages have dried.
Everything is in the hand of Allaah, and He is the
One Whom you should fear and put your hopes in.
The criticism of people has no value and carries no weight;
it is sufficient for the believer to attain the pleasure of
Allaah even if all the people are displeased with him.
Whoever adheres to the command of Allaah and
persists in doing so, is the most honoured of people, for
Allaah has decreed honour for His believing slaves. As
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"But honour, power and glory belong to Allaah, and
to His Messenger (Muhammad), and to the believers,
but the hypocrites"
[al-Munaafiqoon 63:8]
The effects of this honour should be manifested in
the believer's words and actions, in all circumstances.
He should speak up for the truth, offer sincere advice,
remind people and teach them. His approval and anger should
be for the sake of Allaah, and he should only get angry
when the limits of Allaah are transgressed.
This is what a person will be able to do when he
becomes aware of his role in life, for he is commanded to
worship Allaah and to convey and spread His religion as much
as he can. This means that he should mix with people
and bear any annoyance they cause with patience,
especially close relatives. According to a hadeeth narrated by
al-Tirmidhi, 1307 and Ibn Maajah (4032) from Ibn
`Umar, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "The believer who mixes with people and bears
any annoyance they cause with patience, is better than
the believer who does not mix with people and does not
bear any annoyance they cause with patience." (This
hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Jaami', no. 6651).
Perhaps you can start to get to know some
righteous friends with whom you can feel comfortable and
secure, who can help you to overcome your feelings of fear
of people, and this will help you to find the
sincere brotherhood, good treatment, clear goals and
sincere intentions that you are missing in the people around you.
We also advise you to go to a doctor who specializes
in treating psychological illness, perhaps he could help
you to solve your problem.
We ask Allaah to help you and give you strength.
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21898: She is a new Muslim and is complaining about
her husband
Question:
I am a woman, who al-Hamdulillah, Allah guided to
the straight path of Islam.
I do my best to follow Allahs deen, but I need some
advise on some problems in relation to my husband.
I must tell you that the situation in our marriage
is somewhat strained. Only a few months ago I came to
the point when I asked my husband for a divorce because
he neglected his Salaat even though he had been told
about his duties, and he also had developed a bad habit
of threatening with divorce and actually throwing me out
of the house when he lost his temper. But when he
realised that I was actually going to leave him, he repented
and changed his ways, so I withdrew my question and
returned. But there is still some tension between us. This is
mostly due to the fact that as it is today, my husbands eeman
is weaker than mine. I do not think I am perfect, and I
know I also make mistakes. But I constantly see my
husband doing things that are wrong (both things haram
and makruh), and I cannot restrain myself and not speak
to him about it. This is for example like using bad
language in front of our daughter, or biting and kissing her in
places where she should rather learn shyness, etc. When I
tell him that it is not good to do these things, and
sometimes I am able to give evidence from Qur'an and Sunna,
he will either say that he knows this, and then continue
with what he is doing, or become angry and tell me to
mind my own business. This is a source of irritation for
both me and my husband, and we are losing patience with
each other. My question is: What is my test from Allah
here? Is it not my duty to inform or remind him of what is
right when I know it? Or should I be patient with him and
wait till he finds out for himself, because he has started
to read Islamic books. The reason I need some advise
on this issue, is that my husband is getting quite
annoyed with these reminders, and I am losing patience
and becoming angry when he doesen't listen. Please try
to give some advise, and please show the evidence
from Qur'an or Sunnah that you lay to ground for your advise.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We praise Allaah for having blessed you and guided
you to obey Him and please Him, and that your husband
has been guided to change the way he treats you. We
hope that this will give you hope that your husband will
improve and mend his ways, in sha Allah.
You should note that a righteous woman can change
many of her husband's attitude and habits, if she goes
about doing so in a wise and kindly manner, without being hasty.
Some husbands are put off by repeated advice from
their wives, especially if that is in the presence of their
children, because they may see that as an affront to their dignity
or a belittling of their character.
Hence you should pay proper attention to that, and
choose the right moment to advise him from time to time.
You should also be kind and loving towards him when
offering advice, in the hope that he will respond. Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Invite (mankind, O Muhammad) to the way of your
Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine
Revelation and the Qur'aan) and fair preaching, and argue with
them in a way that is better"
[al-Nahl 16:125]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Kindness is not present in a thing but it
makes it beautiful, and it is not missing from a thing but it
makes it ugly." (Narrated by Muslim, 2594, from the hadeeth
of `Aa'ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her).
The husband is the most deserving of people to be
treated kindly, because of his status and position.
We advise you to use various means to accomplish
your mission, such as giving him some tapes and books,
or bringing them home and leaving them near him,
turning to Allaah and asking Him to put things right between
you and to open your husband's heart so that he will know
the truth and act in accordance with it.
And Allaah knows best.
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20088: He fears for the future
Question:
I have faced this problems a couple month ago. I
was sick actually, I went to see a doctor but they said I was
in a good health. I do not know how to explain. But
shukran, I am better now.
I think of death everyday every minutes, this really
scared me eventhough I pray to Allah, I think of an accident
and how they died, and we do not know our future that
is what I think of my self and my family. I pray to Allah
to live in piece in this world and to think of HIM every hour.
I have a head-ache after that, I can't work as before. I
feel that I am in a different world.
Sometimes I ask myself why some of the people
died with such tragic. Are they bad or what?
Hope your answer will help me feel better and live
happily with my family.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
My dear brother, how often we fail to look at things
with a balanced view. How often we find problems in our
daily lives that stem from the extremes of either concern
or negligence. The one who seeks happiness and success
in this world has to have a balanced approach without
letting the one outweigh the other. In this manner he
can strengthen his heart with faith and find peace of mind
in doing that which he is required to do. What you
are complaining of does not stem from ignorance of the
root of the matter, rather it stems from the fact that you
are focusing more on fear and the causes of fear and you
are forgetting about being optimistic and not paying
anyu attention to it.
You know that death is an inevitable reality that will
come to every living thing, and no one will be spared that,
no matter how noble his status before Allaah. Allaah said
to His Prophet, the noblest of all creation (interpretation
of the meaning):
"Verily, you (O Muhammad) will die, and verily, they
(too) will die" [al-Zumar 39:30]
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Everyone shall taste death. And only on the Day
of Resurrection shall you be paid your wages in full.
And whoever is removed away from the Fire and admitted
to Paradise, he indeed is successful. The life of this world
is only the enjoyment of deception (a deceiving thing)"
[Aal `Imraan 3:185]
And the poet said:
Every son of a female, no matter how long he lives,
Will one day be carried on the bier.
The positive kind of fear of death is that which make
a person check himself and watch himself, and
bring himself to task for bad deeds. This fear is that which
makes a man keep away from sin and persist in praying
for forgiveness and repenting. As for the kind of fear
that makes a person panic, expect the worst and feel
helpless, and discourages him from taking any action and
prevents him from doing his duties, this is a negative
and blameworthy kind of fear. The one who feels this has
to strive hard to rid himself of it and put a stop to it.
Perhaps this is what the questioner is feeling, and he thinks
that this waswasah (whisper from the Shaytaan) is a
warning of danger and a sign that the end is near. But this is
not the case. All it is, is a whisper from the accursed
Shaytaan, to cause distress to the believer and to make his life
a misery, and there is nothing real behind it. This is
why, when you went to the hospital for tests, they showed
that you are in good health, which should make you feel
better and give you peace of mind. Perhaps we can help you
by telling you how to get rid of this waswasah (whisper
from the Shaytaan), in the following ways:
1 _ Firmly implanting in your heart the belief that
whatever Allaah wills happens, and whatever He does not will
does not happen. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And you cannot will unless (it be) that Allaah wills
the Lord of the `Aalameen (mankind, jinn and all that exists)"
[al-Takweer 81:29]
Death is nothing but the decree of Allaah which the
son of Adam has no way of warding off or avoiding.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Say (O Muhammad ): `I have no power over any
harm or profit to myself except what Allaah may will. For
every Ummah, there is a term appointed; when their term
comes, neither can they delay it nor can they advance it an
hour (or a moment)'" [Yoonus 10:49]
"Wheresoever you may be, death will overtake you
even if you are in fortresses built up strong and high"
[al-Nisa' 4:78]
As this is the case, then fear of death will not delay it
or bring it forward, all you will get from your fear of
death is misery and worries. Your appointed time will
never come until Allaah wills it, at the time that is known
to Him, and you can never bring it forward, whether
you fear death or not, whether you think about how your
end will be or not. This is contrary to the life of peace,
stability and tranquility that Allaah wants for the believers.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Whoever works righteousness — whether male or
female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of
Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life
(in this world with respect, contentment and
lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward
in proportion to the best of what they used to do
(i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)"
[al-Nahl 16:97]
2 _ Remembering the kindness and mercy of
Allaah towards His believing slaves, for He is
Loving, Compassionate and Forgiving, the One Whose
mercy prevails over His wrath, Who blesses the sinner
with abundant forgiveness. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"Why should Allaah punish you if you have thanked
(Him) and have believed in Him. And Allaah is Ever AllAppreciative (of good), AllKnowing"
[al-Nisa' 4:147]
The believer is promised Paradise when he dies. There
is nothing standing between him and Paradise but
death. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "There is no person who bears witness that there
is no god but Allaah and that Muhammad is His slave
and Messenger, but Allaah will forbid him to the
Fire." (Narrated by Muslim, 47).
3 _ Always putting your trust in Allaah in all your
affairs, and knowing that this trust (tawakkul) will ward off
the whispers of the Shaytaan and put an end to them.
Once you have resolved to do that, then do not look back.
If you feel that these whispers are overwhelming you
again, then turn to Allaah and seek refuge in Him. Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And if an evil whisper comes to you from
Shaytaan (Satan), then seek refuge with Allaah. Verily, He is
All-Hearer, All-Knower"
[al-A'raaf 7:200]
4 _ Lift your head high and look forward; start your
daily life with steadfastness and certainty, and approach all
your actions with energy and peace of mind. How many
good things there are in this world that fill hearts
with contentment and tranquility and fill the heart with
hope and certain faith.
With regard to your question, what is going to happen
to you and your family in the future,
Subhaan-Allaah (glory be to Allaah)!
Are you the one who created them? Are you the one
who grants them provision? Are you the one who taking
care of their needs?
No, it is Allaah Who does all that, Who is more
merciful towards them than you are. Have complete trust
that Allaah will never cause them to be lost, may He
be glorified and praised. This matter is not up to you at
all. If all the people thought in this way no one would
have any peace of mind. But praise be to Allaah Who
has guaranteed provision for everyone. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And no moving (living) creature is there on earth but
its provision is due from Allaah. And He knows its
dwelling place and its deposit (in the uterus or grave). All is in
a Clear Book (AlLawh AlMahfooz — the Book of
Decrees with Allaah)"
[Hood 11:6]
So cast these thoughts away from your mind.
5 _ You should make a lot of du'aa' asking Allaah to
dispel this waswaas (whispers from the Shaytaan) from you.
Pray to Him with all humbleness, expressing your
weakness and need of Him. And rest assured that He will
certainly answer you. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad)
concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by
My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the
supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator
or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me,
so that they may be led aright"
[al-Baqarah 2:186]
With regard to those who die as a result of accidents,
the fact that they die in this manner does not mean that
they are bad at all. Rather people who are counted among
the righteous may die in this manner. Think about this
hadeeth which will help you to resolve this matter. The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "The martyrs are five: those who are stabbed,
those who die of a stomach disease, those who drown,
those who are crushed by falling walls, and those who die
in battle for the sake of Allaah." (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, no. 615).
Look at those who die by drowning, or by fire, or who
are crushed by falling walls. Are these not frightening
things? But that does not indicate that they are bad, rather
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) called them martyrs (shuhada'), which is
the utmost honour. The way in which a person dies does
not indicate that he is bad, but Allaah in His wisdom
decrees that some people should die in this manner. Perhaps
that is in order to raise them in status in Paradise, or to
expiate for some of their sins, or for some other reason that
we do not know.
We ask Allaah to guide you to good deeds and
positive thinking.
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