Chapter 4
6053: A young girl living in a corrupt society fears that
she may go astray
Question:
I am 15 years old and i have embraced islam 4-5
years ago. one of my parents is so called muslim but he
doesnt practice the religion. i run in problem all the time .
sooner or later i will become sick of following rules so i'll
just go out and have fun(go dancing start dating etc.)
i know it is wrong but i realise that after i do it. I am
not sure if i want to be religious any more, but then
something keeps coming back and telling me that i should be
a muslim. i am having hard time deciding what to do.
its hard for me to stay muslim because i live in non
muslim society and the muslims i know are not really muslims .
do you have any suggestions ?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Your problem is a sensitive and serious problem that
has to do with adhering to Islam and following its rules.
Whilst we understand your problem and feel your suffering
from afar, we want to remind you of the following points:
Firstly, this "something" that you say comes to you
and tells you that you have to be a Muslim could be one
of the angels, because the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "The Shaytaan has some
hold over the son of Adam and the angel has some hold
over the son of Adam. As for the hold of the shaytaan, it
is reminding him of evil and disbelieving the truth. As
for the hold of the angel, it is reminding him of
goodness and believing the truth. Whoever find the latter, let
him know that it is from Allaah, so let him praise
Allaah. Whoever finds the former, let him seek refuge with
Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan." Then he
recited (interpretation of the meaning): "Shaytaan
(Satan) threatens you with poverty and orders you to
commit Fahsha (evil deeds, illegal sexual intercourse,
sins); whereas Allaah promises you forgiveness from
Himself and bounty…"
[al-Baqarah 2:268].
(Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 2914; he said it is a
ghareeb hasan hadeeth).
"Shaytaan" here refers to Iblees or one of his troops.
"A hold" (literally, touch) means coming close and
having an effect. Here it refers to what happens in the heart as
a result of the influence of the devil or angel.
"Reminding him of evil" such as Kufr (disbelief), immorality
and wrongdoing. "Disbelieving the truth" means denying
the rights of Allaah or the rights of creation, or
denying something that has been proven to be truesuch
as Tawheed, Prophethood, Resurrection, the Day of Judgement and Paradise and Hell. "As for the hold of
the angel, it is reminding him of goodness" such as
prayer and fasting. "And believing in the truth" such as the
Books and Messengers of Allaah. "Whoever finds that"
means in himself, or notices or recognizes it, i.e., the hold of
the angel. "Let him know that it is from Allaah" means it is
a great blessing and wonderful mercy that has come to
him because Allaah commanded the angel to touch him.
"Let him praise Allaah" for this great blessing, because it
has qualified him to be guided by the angel to this
goodness. "Whoever finds the former" means the hold of
shaytaan. "Then he recited" means the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) he quoted the aayah
(interpretation of the meaning): "Shaytaan (Satan) threatens you
with poverty" means he scares you with it to stop you
spending in good ways. "and orders you to commit Fahsha
(evil deeds, etc.)" means sins.
In the light of this great hadeeth, you can now
understand your situation. The "something" that is bringing
you goodness is bringing you a blessing from Allaah, so
give thanks and praise to Allaah for it. The other one who
is coming to entice you to go out and dance and form
illicit relationships with evil, dirty people is from the
Shaytaan, so seek refuge with Allaah from that every time he
tempts you with these evil dangers.
Secondly, do not worry about there being so many
lost souls around you, do not let these hordes of kaafirs
who are drowning in the sea of their reckless desires and
sins distract you from the purpose for which you were
created. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And if you obey most of those on the earth, they
will mislead you far away from Allaah's path"
(al-An'aam 6:116)
"And most of mankind will not believe even if you
desire it eagerly" (Yoosuf 12:103)
O young Muslim woman, what is the value of life if
a person lives only to follow his or her own desires,
steeped in vice, dancing and singing, getting drunk and
causing uproar, engaging in illicit sexual conduct and
behaving like an animal? Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"They are like cattle, nay even more astray; those!
They are the heedless ones" (al-An'aam 6:179).
Thirdly, as you are living in a negative atmosphere
filled with so many kuffaar and Muslims who do not adhere
to their religion and who may not know anything about
Islam other than its name, and surrounded with trials
and temptations as you are, you have to cling to Allaah
and adhere to His sharee'ah (laws), turn to Him and
pray always to Him to protect you from sin and help you
to adhere to your religion. Always repeat this du'aa':
"Yaa muqallib al-quloob thabbit qalbi ala
deenak (O Controller of the hearts, make my heart adhere firmly to
Your religion)." Because your mother, the Mother of
the Believers `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with
her) narrated from her husband, your Prophet
Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that he
used to recite this du'aa' (Yaa muqallib al-quloob thabbit
qalbi ala deenak) frequently. She asked, "O Messenger
of Allaah, we believe in you and in what you have
brought. Do you fear for us?" He said, "Yes, for people's
hearts are between the fingers of Allaah and He turns them
as He wills."
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2066. He said, this is a
hasan hadeeth).
Fourthly, try to look for other Muslim women so that
you can remind one another of the truth and encourage
one another to be patient. Do whatever you can to call
your parents to the way of truth, for how many young
people have been the cause of their elders being guided!
Finally we ask Allaah to guide you in the ways of
peace and to make you steadfast on the path of Islam and
to bless you with the sweetness of faith. We entrust you
to the care of Allaah, for those who are under His care
will never be lost.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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21510: My wife is not beautiful!!
Question:
I have been married for a few years. During the first
two years I was happy with my marriage and I loved my
wife, but after that I started to feel that I disliked my wife.
That is not because of religion, because she is
religiously committed and has a good character, praise be to
Allaah. Rather it has to do with her beauty, because she is
not beautiful enough to keep me chaste and make me
lower my gaze. I am afraid of mistreating her because I do
not feel happy with her and sometimes I frown at her for
no reason. The problem is that I cannot marry another
wife because I am not financially able. I thought of taking
a loan in order to marry but then I would be living in
poverty because of the loan. I have thought a lot about
divorcing her and letting her go in kindness and replacing her
with another, but I have children from her and she loves me
a lot. I have thought about this a great deal and it
is disturbing my sleep, because I do not know what to
do. What should I do, may Allaah reward you.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
My dear brother, I appreciate your confidence in me
and I ask Allaah to make us and you strong and steadfast,
and to guide us. With regard to your question, I offer
the following comments:
1 _ The problem you have is not with regard to
marrying a second wife, or divorcing your wife. The problem,
as you mention, is a financial problem. So long as you
are not able to marry another wife, then you should keep
the wife with whom Allaah has blessed you.
2 _ Whenever you are able and have the financial
means, and praise be to Allaah that He has permitted
plural marriage to you… In my opinion that is easier for a
woman to bear than divorce, especially since you have
children from her.
3 _ Try to look at the matter from a different angle.
You may find many positive things in her, and beauty is
not everything, believe me. How she behaves and treats
you… and many things which are ultimately more important
than appearance. For with time you will get used to
her appearance, and how she behaves will be what matters…
4 _ Imagine that you find a very beautiful woman
and marry her… then she starts to treat you in an arrogant
or impolite manner… or she treats you and your
family badly… what would you do?!
5 _ You should be objective and not burden yourself
with more than you can bear. Look at the matter from
different aspects. "it may be that you dislike a thing and
Allaah brings through it a great deal of good" [al-Nisa' 4:19
_ interpretation of the meaning]. And remember the
advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him): "Look for one [a wife] who is religiously
committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may
you prosper]!"
May Allaah help you, protect you and make you
steadfast in following the path of goodness and truth.
Answered by Ahmad al-Muqbil (www.islam-qa.com)
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21598: Her husband's mother dislikes her _ what
should she do?
Question:
I have done my nikah a few months ago and will do
the marriage ceremony soon insha'allah in order to
live together. My husband's family is not religious at
all. Unfortunately, I found out, after the fact, that my
in-laws are not happy about our marriage and because of that
my relationship with my in-laws, especially my
mother-in-law, is not in good terms. My husband is their only
son and he loves them very much. I am afraid that my
mother-in-law's dislike towards me might affect my
relationship with my husband in the future. What can I do to
prevent this? Is there any dua'a?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. There is no problem that cannot
by solved by anyone, as stated in the question. For
every problem there is a solution, but the problem is not
in finding the solution, rather it depends on the one who
is going to implement the solution. Many of those who
go through difficult circumstances and ask for a
solution imagine that the person they are asking is able to
take away the problem, but this is not correct. Rather all that
a human being can do is to suggest the best possible
ways of reaching the desired result, but the person must
still make the effort to solve his problem _ this is
very important and essential.
With regard to what you asked about:
Firstly:
This dislike that they are showing may be based
on incorrect ideas about you, so perhaps it is only
temporary and may disappear if you try hard to be pleasant to
them. I say this because we cannot be sure of what may
happen in the future. How often has a girl have been disliked
by her husband's family in the beginning, then as they got
to know her and saw her good manners and good
attitude, they changed their minds about her and
their condemnation turned to praise and their hatred to
love. So do not worry about what may happen, just be
cheerful and optimistic about your future with your husband.
Secondly:
You must show your best attitude towards your
husband's family, who have the right to be treated in a good
manner by you because they are the family of your husband.
Pay a great deal of attention to his parents, and take care
of his mother as if she were your own mother. If she
comes to your house, try to meet her with a friendly and
smiling face, and do not pay too much attention to your
husband whilst she is there with you, because this may stir
up feelings of jealousy, which are very strong in
human beings.
Thirdly:
Turn to Allaah and make du'aa', and ask Him to help
you to treat them well and to soften their hearts and
make them love you. Realize that no matter how hard you
look for a solution, help is ultimately in His hand. So turn
to Him with all sincerity. May Allaah send blessings
and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon his family.
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22877: He feels that his faith is weak and that worship
is burdensome
Question:
I have been a religious person for several years, but for
a few months I have been feeling that my mind and
heart are devoid of faith and will power. This matter
is tormenting me and I said to myself that perhaps this is
a touch from the Shaytaan or something like that, and
it will go away when Ramadaan comes. But it has not
gone away and I find it very difficult to pray qiyaam al-layl.
I have tried to read more Qur'aan despite this
waswaas and the distress it is causing me. My situation has
started to affect me socially, at work, in the family and in
my religion. Now I am living in torment because of this
and I cannot find the faith which I feel has been taken
away from me. I feel that I will have a bad end and that
my faith will never return to me and that a seal has been
placed over my heart. When I go to the mosque to pray, which
I have not stopped doing, I feel that I am not like the
other worshippers and I envy them for their faith. I also feel
put off by religion and often I cannot listen to the Qur'aan
or hadeeth, or listen to tapes, except with great
difficulty. This is tormenting me because I do not want this, and
I want to be like I was, a believer who loves the
religion because it is the truth, but I feel that I cannot control
my mind or my feelings. I have started to think about my
sins which I believe are the cause of this, and I have started
to remember many sins which I had forgotten, as if they
are appearing before me one after the other. Until now I
am living with this torment, misery and distress. I do not
know what has happened to me and what the solution and
the remedy is. Will my faith come back to me or is this a
bad end and a punishment from Allaah? Finally, please
do not forget to make du'aa' for me.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
My brother, have great hope in Allaah, and do not let
the Shaytaan cause you to despair of the vast mercy of
Allaah which He has guaranteed for His believing slaves.
What you are telling yourself about this being a sign that
you will die following something other than that which
Allaah wants is only insinuating whispers (waswaas) from
the Shaytaan and his deviant ideas by means of which
he wants to tempt the slaves of Allaah and lead them
away from their religion. So he comes to a righteous slave
and whispers to him that his good deeds are of no avail,
or that he is doing them not for the sake of Allaah but
to show off to people, so that they will think he is good.
All of these are the usual ways with which the Shaytaan
tries to trick the slaves of Allaah, especially those who
show signs of being righteous _ of whom I think that you
are one, although I do not praise anyone before Allah _
to hinder their efforts.
We seek refuge with Allaah from him.
You need to increase your hope and trust in Allaah
Who forgives all sins, and who accepts the slave who
seeks His protection and refuge, for He is the Most
Merciful, the Oft-Forgiving and the Most Loving.
You should increase your good deeds, such as
reading Qur'aan, giving charity, remembering Allaah
(dhikr), upholding the ties of kinship, etc. The weakness
which you feel also happens to others, for it is something
natural. How many people were examples followed by others
and had a great deal of drive and ambition, then they lost
their drive and ambition for a long time, then it came back
to them by the grace of Allaah. Remember the words of
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him): "Everybody has his time of energy, and every time
of energy is followed by a time of lethargy. But if a
person tries to follow a moderate path, then I have hope for
him, but if he becomes one who is pointed out (in the
street), then do not think anything of him." (Narrated by
al-Tirmidhi, 2453; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in
Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1995).
What is meant by "Everybody has his time of energy"
is eagerness for a thing, energy and the desire to do good.
What is meant by "every time of energy is followed by
a time of lethargy" is tiredness, weakness and lack
of movement.
"But if a person tries to follow a moderate path"
means that the one who has energy does his deeds in
moderation and avoids going to extremes when he is feeling
energetic and avoids being negligent when he is feeling lethargic.
"Then I have hope for him" means, I have hope that
he will be successful, for he can continue following a
middle course, and the most beloved deeds to Allaah are
those which are continuous.
"but if he becomes one who is pointed out (in the
street)" means, if he strives hard and goes to extremes in
doing good deeds so that he will become famous for his
worship and asceticism, and he becomes famous and people
point him out to one another,
"then do not think anything of him" means, do not
think that he is one of the righteous, because he is showing
off. He did not say, "do not have hope for him," as
an indication that he has already fallen, and he will not
be able to make up for what he has missed out on.
[From Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi]
Think about this hadeeth, and relate it to your
own situation and the situation of others: you will see a
clear similarity. This hadeeth clearly states that man
goes through a stage of incomparable eagerness and great
focus and ambition, then suddenly he becomes weak and
loses that focus and eagerness and ambition. When he
reaches this stage, he must strive even harder to do
obligatory duties and avoid haraam things. If he does that, then
there is the hope that he will succeed and progress, but if
he falls into haraam things and stops doing obligatory
things, he will be lost and doomed.
So you must turn to Allaah a great deal, seek
His forgiveness and ask Him to make you steadfast until
death. I also advise you to keep away from haraam things.
May Allaah forgive your sins and make things easier for you.
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21149: Wife's family making the husband have
doubts about his wife
Question:
One of my friends came to me to ask my opinion about
a problem that he is facing. He says that there was a
big argument between him and his wife's family, so his
wife's family started making him have doubts about his
wife and telling him that she had been betraying him from
the first day of marriage until now (approximately
fifteen years). All of this was done by hints, not stated
bluntly, but these were obvious hints that were made
repeatedly. They got other people to help them in that so that he
would divorce her, and now he is suffering from
waswaas (whispers from the Shyatan). It should be noted that
they have children and that the wife prays regularly,
always on time. This has led to strong rumours circulating
among people and the husband is living in isolation; no one
visits him, not even his brothers, because of these
rumours. When he confronted his wife she denied it
vehemently and did not speak to him for several days, even
though when the disputes between him and her family
grow intense, she behaves in a manner that causes him to
have doubts about her and there are times when the
husband believes these rumours and times when he thinks that
they are untrue. He often thinks of divorce because she
has caused him problems in his social life and at work
and with his brothers. It should be noted that the husband
has never seen or heard his wife speak to any stranger
(non-mahram man). What is your opinion? May Allaah
help you to do that which is good for this ummah.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. It is obvious that there has been
a misunderstanding between this man and his wife's
family, and that they want him to divorce her. It is essential
to find out the wife's point of view. If she wants a
divorce then he has to try to change her mind by tackling the
cause of the problem. Otherwise he may divorce her, and
perhaps Allaah will compensate each of them with someone
who is better than the other. He should however,
avoid discussing the issue of her betraying him. But if his
wife does not want a divorce then he should treat his wife
well and seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed
Shaytaan, and he should not pay any attention to the doubts for
which he has no proof. The Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said that there is gheerah
(protective jealousy) that Allaah loves and there is gheerah
which Allaah hates. The gheerah that Allaah loves is
gheerah which is cause for doubt, and the gheerah that Allaah
hates is gheerah when there is no cause for suspicion.
Shaykh Sa'd al-Humayd (www.islam-qa.com)
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62839: Whispers from the Shaytaan and the remedy
for them
Question:
Because I am suffering from waswasah (whispers
from the Shaytaan), sometimes I do not answer my wife
when she tries to speak to me, because of this waswasah
or because I believe she is the cause of this waswasah.
Does the fact that I do not answer her count as a talaaq
(divorce)? If I speak to her angrily does that count as a talaaq?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Not answering your wife does not count as a talaaq,
neither does speaking to her angrily.
No matter how much you may think of divorce, or
intend and resolve to do it, talaaq (divorce) does not take
place until and unless you utter the words of talaaq. That
is because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "Allaah has forgiven for my ummah
that which is whispered to them and which crosses their
minds, so long as they do not act upon it or speak of it."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6664; Muslim, 127)
Based on this, according to the scholars if a man
thinks of talaaq, that does not mean anything unless he
speaks of it.
Indeed, according to some scholars, if a person is
suffering from waswaas his talaaq does not count even if he
utters it, so long as he did not have the intention of
talaaq. Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on
him) said:
"The talaaq of a person who is suffering from
waswaas does not count even if he utters the words, if that was
not done deliberately, because this utterance
happened because of waswaas, not because of his will or
intention. Rather it was forced upon him because of the strength
of the waswaas and his lack of self-control. The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said,
`There is no divorce under compulsion.' So this divorce
does not count, because he did not really want to do that.
This was something that was forced upon him with no
intention or choice on his part to do that, so this does not mean
that talaaq has occurred."
(Fataawa Islamiyyah, compiled by Shaykh
Muhammad ibn `Abd al-`Azeez al-Musnad, 3/277)
We advise you not to pay any attention to these
whispers, and to ignore them, and to do the opposite of what
they are calling you to do. For these whispers (waswaas)
come from the Shaytaan to cause grief to those who
believe. The best way to deal with them is to remember Allaah
a great deal (dhikr), to seek refuge with Allaah from
the accursed Shaytaan, to keep away from sins and
wrong actions which are the means by which Iblees gains
control over the sons of Adam. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"Verily, he [the Shaytaan] has no power over those
who believe and put their trust only in their Lord (Allaah)"
[al-Nahl 16:99]
It is worth quoting here what Ibn Hajar al-Haythami
(may Allaah have mercy on him) said about dealing
with waswasah in his book al-Fataawa al-Fiqhiyyah
al-Kubra, 1/149. This is what he said:
"He was asked about the problem of
waswasah (insinuating whispers from the Shaytaan), and
whether there is a remedy for it.
He replied by saying that there is an effective remedy
for it, which is to ignore them completely, no matter
how frequently they may come to mind. When these
whispers are ignored, they do not become established, rather
they go away after a short time, as many people
have experienced. But for those who pay attention to them
and act upon them, they increase until they make him
like one who is insane or even worse, as we see among
many of those who have suffered from them and paid
attention to them and to the devil whose task it is to insinuate
these whispers, whom the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) warned us against when he
said, "Beware the whispers with regard to water (i.e.,
wudoo') which is caused by a devil called al-Walhaan" _
because that causes a person to go to extremes with regard to
doing wudoo', as was explained in Sharh Mishkaat
al-Anwaar.
In al-Saheehayn there is a report which supports
what has been mentioned above, which is that whoever
suffers from waswaas should seek refuge with Allaah and
turn away from the waswaas. So think about this
effective remedy which was taught by the one who does not
speak of his own whims and desires to his ummah,
and understand that whoever is deprived of this is
deprived of all goodness, because waswasah comes from
the Shaytaan, according to scholarly consensus, and
the accursed one (the Shaytaan) has no other desire than
to make the believers go astray, make them confused,
make their life a misery, cause them distress to the extent
that they leave Islam without realizing it.
"Surely, Shaytaan (Satan) is an enemy to you, so
take (treat) him as an enemy"
[Faatir 35:6 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
According to another hadeeth, the one who suffers
from waswasah should say, "Aamantu Billaahi wa bi
rusulihi (I believe in Allaah and in His
Messengers)." Undoubtedly, whoever thinks of the paths of
the Messengers of Allaah, especially our Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) will find that his
path and his law is easy and clear, with no hardship in it.
"… and has not laid upon you in religion any hardship"
[al-Hajj 22:78 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
Whoever ponders this and believes in it sincerely,
the problem of waswasah and listening to the Shaytaan
will go away. In the book of Ibn al-Sunni it is narrated
via `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her),
"Whoever suffers from this waswaas, let him say
`Aamantu Billaahi wa bi rusulihi (I believe in Allaah and in His
Messengers)', three times, and it will go away from him."
Al-`Izz ibn `Abd al-Salaam and others mentioned something similar to the above. They said: the
treatment for waswasah is to believe that this is an idea from
the Shaytaan and that Iblees is the one who is bringing
these thoughts to his mind, and he should strive to fight
him. Then he will have the reward of the mujaahid,
because he is fighting the enemy of Allaah. If he does that,
then the Shaytaan will flee from him. This is what
mankind has been tested with from the beginning of time,
and Allaah has given him (Iblees) some power over man as
a test for him, so that Allaah may show the truth to be
true and falsehood to be false, even though the
disbelievers may hate that.
In Muslim, hadeeth no. 2203, it is narrated that
`Uthmaan ibn Abi'l-`Aas said: "The Shaytaan was interfering
with my prayer and recitation of Qur'aan. He [the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ] said:
`That is a devil called Khanzab, so seek refuge with Allaah
from him and spit drily to your left three times.' I did that,
and Allaah took him away from me."
This hadeeth proves the point we are making, which
is that waswasah can only overpower the one who is
ignorant and confused and does not know what's what. But
the one who has knowledge and understanding will
the Sunnah and keep away from bid'ah. The worst of
the innovators are those who follow waswaas, hence
Maalik (may Allaah have mercy on him) narrated that his
shaykh al-Rabee' _ who was the imam of the people of his time
_ was the fastest of the people in relieving himself and
doing wudoo'.
Ibn Hurmuz used to be slow in relieving himself and
in doing wudoo', and he used to say "I have a problem,
do not follow my example."
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said
that one of the scholars thought it was mustahabb for the
one who was affected by waswasah with regard to his
wudoo or prayer to say Laa ilaaha
ill-Allaah, for when the Shaytaan hears dhikr (remembrance of Allaah) he
slinks away, and Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah is the best of dhikr,
and the most effective remedy for warding off waswasah is
to remember Allaah a great deal.
We ask Allaah to take away the waswasah that you
are suffering and to increase us and you in faith,
righteousness and piety.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
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21356: Should he leave home because of his sisters'
bad behaviour?
Question:
My life has fallen into a great difficulty. my sisters
have behaved badly. because of this, my father does not
want to stay with us so is living in pakistan. but my
sisters have got round my mother and they will not repent
for their evil ways. my iman has become a joke for
them. they have haram relationships. in their ignorance
they taunt me that i will marry my cousin and they say it
is illegal. i feel evil all around me. i am slowly becoming
an outcast in my family just as my father became. i am
losing my mind. i have no inner peace and when i do it
doesnt last. i feel helpless. every day is a difficulty for me. i
have conditioned myself to cope with the terrible situations
in my family. i feel stressed. i cannot concentrate
on anything.
please brother can you give me some advice - should
i leave home? should i stay with my father in
Pakistan? please can you tell me if Allah is testing me or
cleansing me of my sins.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Your father made a grave mistake when he left the
house and went back to his own country. Allaah has
entrusted him with something and he has neglected that trust.
What he should have done was to stay with his children in
order to discipline them, look after them and take care of
their affairs. Perhaps it is your father's leaving that made
your sisters' behaviour even worse.
So we advise you, first of all, to convince your father,
as a matter of necessity, to come back to his wife
and children, so that he can take care of them and
discipline them, or for all of them to join him in Pakistan _ even
if that is done by force or by trickery _ and perhaps
that would be better, because your staying in that land
where there is kufr, evildoing and moral laxity is what is
affecting your sisters' attitude and behaviour.
Secondly:
Your mother, likewise, has to fear Allaah with regard
to her daughters and not give them free rein. Now she
has taken on a heavy burden of responsibility, especially
since your father has left. So she should not take things
lightly with regard to her daughters. Your mother has to
realize the seriousness of what your sisters are doing and
the damage their actions may do to all of you in this
world, and the sin which will be upon them in the Hereafter
and upon those who approved of their actions or who
allowed them to do that and made it easy for them to do
evil actions.
Thirdly:
You have to be patient and to give thought to every
action before you do it. Staying with them is not entirely
good, and leaving them is not entirely good. Rather the
matter depends on the effects of your staying and the effects
of your leaving. If your staying in the home will affect
your religious commitment and your sanity, and make you
fall into sin, then we advise you to leave. If your leaving
will make their behaviour worse and your staying will
not affect your religious commitment and sanity, then it
is haraam for you to leave, because your leaving may
make the sin worse, which would mean that you were
neglecting your responsibility and being careless about that
which has been entrusted to you.
Fourthly:
Perhaps this is a test from Allaah for you, to expiate
for your bad deeds and to raise you in status, not a
punishment. Hence we advice you to be patient, not to make any
hasty decisions, to make du'aa' and to beseech your Lord
to guide your sisters to be good and chaste. We advise
you to look for means of guiding them such as getting
them married, looking for good sisters for them to mix
with, moving house, and so on. Perhaps when Allaah sees
that you are sincere, He will help you and will guide
your sisters and your mother, and will unite the family
in religious commitment and goodness. For He is able to
do that and He is the Guide to the Straight Path.
We will tell you the following story, from which you
may learn a lesson:
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: I used to call
my mother to Islam when she was a mushrikah. I called
her one day and she said something about the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
that I did not like to hear. So I went to the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
weeping, and said, "O Messenger of Allaah, I have been
calling my mother to Islam, but she refuses. I called her
today and she said something about you that I did not like
to hear. Pray to Allaah to guide the mother of Abu
Hurayrah." The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said, "O Allaah, guide the mother of
Abu Hurayrah." I went out feeling optimistic because of
the du'aa' of the Prophet of Allaah (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him). When I came home and
reached the door, I saw that it was slightly ajar. My mother
heard my footsteps and said, "Stay where you are, O
Abu Hurayrah!" and I could hear the trickling of water.
She took a bath and got dressed, and put on her
headcover, then she opened the door and said, "O Abu Hurayrah,
I bear witness that there is no god except Allaah, and I
bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger!"
I went back to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him), and I came to him weeping
with joy. I said, "O Messenger of Allaah, rejoice, for
Allaah has answered your prayer and guided the mother of
Abu Hurayrah." So he praised Allaah and said good words.
I said, "O Messenger of Allaah, pray to Allaah to make
my mother and me beloved to His believing slaves, and
to make them beloved to us." The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said,
"O Allaah, make this slave of Yours _ meaning Abu
Hurayrah _ and his mother beloved to Your believing slaves,
and make the believers beloved to them." So there are
no believing people who hear of me even though they do
not see me, but they love me.
Narrated by Muslim, 2491
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
Search Inside This Book At Google Book Search - (280 pages)
3793: Are there social classes in Islam?
Question:
What is the structure of the Islam social class?
How does it work? And to what extent does it exist?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Human societies have known all kinds of class
systems. In some societies there is a class of princes, a class
of warriors, a class of farmers and a class of slaves,
and based on this there is a lot of oppression, abuse
and trampling on people's rights. But the sharee'ah or law
of Allaah does not recognize such systems at all. Islam
gives equal rights to all, rich and poor, noble and ignoble.
The basic principle on which people are differentiated in
Islam is mentioned in the Holy Qur'aan, in Soorat
al-Hujuraat (interpretation of the meaning):
"O mankind! We have created you from a male and
a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that
you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable
of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has al-taqwa
[i.e., is one of the muttaqoon or pious]. Verily, Allaah is
All-Knowing, All-Aware"
[al-Hujuraat 49:13]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "O people! Verily your Lord is One and your
father [Adam] is one. An Arab is no better than a non-Arab,
and a non-Arab is no better than an Arab; a red man is
no better than a black man and a black man is no better
than a red man _ except if it is in terms of taqwa
(piety)…" (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 22391;
al-Silsilat al-Saheeh, 2700).
This is the principle on which society is based in
Islam. This is the global human society which mankind is
trying to attain through its far-fetched ideas, but is failing to
do so, because they are not following the one straight
path that will lead them there, the way to God, may He
be glorified, and because they are not standing under the
one banner that could unite them, the banner of God, may
He be exalted.
People live on this earth connected by all kinds
of relationships, all of which carry some weight or have
some attraction in their lives… these include lineage,
power, wealth, etc. From these stem other connections,
practical, economic, etc., where people have different positions
and levels of status with regard to one another. So some
people have more status than others in worldly terms…
Then Islam comes and says: "the most honourable of you
with Allaah [God] is that (believer) who has al-taqwa [i.e.,
is one of the muttaqoon or pious]" so it ignores all the
values that carry weight in people's lives, and replaces them
all with this new value that is derived directly from
the Revelation and is the only one that is recognized in
the standards of God. This is piety and consciousness of
God, which is manifested in the worship of God lone, with
no partner, no son, no equal… obeying what He
commands and avoiding what He forbids, seeking His pleasure
and Paradise, and fearing His punishment and Hell-fire.
Allaah is All-Seer of His slaves.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
Search Inside This Book At Google Book Search - (280 pages)
23317: Problem of forgetting appointments
Question:
I am a young mother of two young children.
I have found that since i have had my children my
memory has gotten very bad. Subhanallah I forget so much.
So many people ask things of me and i say yes to
them and have full intention of doing it for them however
i simply forget. I know that this is a problem also for
most of the sisters these days also.
I was told by my maternal nurse that it is normal
when women start having children. can it also be because
of sins? Will i be in sin for not keeping my word?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Perhaps your forgetfulness _ or your weak memory _ is
a result of giving birth, as your doctor said. This is
not something to worry about. Or this forgetfulness may
be caused by sin, because sins result in punishments
that affect the heart and the body. Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim
(may Allaah have mercy on him) mentioned more than
sixty punishments for sin in his book al-Daa'
wa'l-Dawa'.
So if a person feels that he is losing some blessing,
he should hasten to repent to Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"That is so because Allaah will never change a
grace which He has bestowed on a people until they
change what is in their ownselves"
[al-Anfaal 8:53]
If a person makes a promise then forgets it
unintentionally, there is no sin on him, because Allaah has forgiven
this ummah for what they forget, as is indicated by the
texts. For example, the last two verses of Soorat
al-Baqarah (interpretation of the meaning):
"Our Lord! Punish us not if we forget or fall into error"
[al-Baqarah 2:286]
And Allaah has said: "I have done that."
(Narrated by Muslim)
There are also means that will help you to
remember appointments, such as using a diary (in book or
electronic form) to record appointments by day and date. This is
a means which is proven to work. How many people
forget their appointments, but they organize them by using
these reminders.
Another means is using an electronic alarm clock or
a mobile phone to remind you of the time of an appointment… and other modern means that are available.
There are also audio reminders on which you can
record appointments and it will speak to remind you of
the appointment.
Each person must pay as much attention as possible
to this matter, because breaking promises is one of the
signs of the hypocrites, as it says in the hadeeth: "There
are four characteristics, whoever has them is a pure
hypocrite, and whoever has one of them has one of the attributes
of hypocrisy until he gives it up: when he speaks, he
lies; when he makes a pledge he betrays it; when he makes
a promise he breaks it; and when he disputes he resorts
to obscene speech." (Narrated by Muslim, 53)
Keeping appointments is one of the signs of the
people of faith.
Similarly those who miss appointments for a reason
such as that mentioned in the question should explain
their reasons to the other party involved, so that he will not
be offended. We ask Allaah to protect us and you from
all kinds of evil. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
Search Inside This Book At Google Book Search - (280 pages)
12734: How can she tell her non-Muslim mother that
her husband is going to take a second wife?
Question:
what is the best way to tell my non muslim mother,
who is very critical of islam, that my husband is about to
take on another wife?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. There is nothing wrong with
you happening to mention to your mother whilst you
are talking to her that your husband is thinking of taking
a second wife, and telling her that he has valid reasons
for doing so, such as not having any children from you,
or that he is not satisfied with one wife, and so on. That
will be like an introduction for her if she knows. But do
not tell her about the matter now, less that open the door
to problems for you that you can do without. If she finds
out about that in the future, then you can explain to her,
one way or another, that Islam is the religion of justice
and does not approve of injustice on anyone's part, and
that in a plural marriage there are many great benefits
which the countries which claim to be civilized cannot
attain. (See question no. 12528). Even if she is not convinced
at first, she will become convinced as the days and years
go by. But you should not express too many objections
about this matter in front of her, because by doing so you
will provoke her to criticize Islam. Rather you have to
show her that you accept this and approve of it, and show
her that it is not affecting your relationship with your husband.
Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
Search Inside This Book At Google Book Search - (280 pages)
20161: Resisting sexual desires
Question:
I am a young married girl of twenty-one,my desires
rule over me and leave me restless, confused, frustrated
and resentful, tell me o honorable sir how to get rid of
evil desires in islam ?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Sexual desire is something that has been created in
man and it cannot be got rid of. Getting rid of it is not
something that is required of the Muslim; rather what is required
of him is to refrain from using it in haraam ways, and to
use it in the ways that Allaah has permitted.
The problem of desire in a young woman may be
solved by taking two steps.
The first step is to reduce and weaken the things that
may provoke desire in a person. This may be achieved in
a number of ways, including the following:
1 _ Lowering the gaze and refraining from looking at
that which Allaah has forbidden. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze
(from looking at forbidden things), and protect their
private parts (from illegal sexual acts)"
[al-Noor 24:31]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Do not follow one glance with another, for the
first is allowed but not the second." There are many
sources of haraam looking, such as looking directly at young
men and thinking about their attractive looks, or looking
at pictures in magazines and movies.
2 _ Avoiding reading stories and novels which focus
on the sexual aspect, and avoiding reading internet
websites which deal with such topics.
3 _ Keeping away from bad company.
4 _ Avoiding thinking about desire as much as
possible. Thinking in and of itself is not haraam, but if one
thinks about it for too long, that may lead a person to
haraam actions.
5 _ Spending one's time in useful pursuits, because
spare time may lead one to fall into haraam things.
6 _ Avoiding as much as possible going to public
places where young men and women mix.
7 _ If a girl is tested with studying in a mixed
environment, and cannot find any alternative, she has to remain
modest, serious and dignified, and should avoid sitting with
young men and speaking to them as much as possible. She
should restrict her relationships to friendships with
righteous female classmates.
The second step is:
To strengthen the factors that will prevent one acting
in accordance with one's desires. This is achieved in
a number of ways, including the following:
1 _ Strengthening the faith in one's heart and
strengthening one's relationship with Allaah. This may be achieved
by remembering Allaah a great deal, reading
Qur'aan, thinking of the names and attributes of Allaah, and
doing a lot of naafil prayers. Belief strengthens the heart
and soul, and it helps one to resist temptation.
2 _ Fasting, as taught by the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he said: "O young
men, whoever among you can afford to, let him get
married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in
guarding one's chastity. Whoever cannot afford it, then let him
fast, for it will be a shield for him." This is addressed to
young men, but it also includes young women.
3 _ Strengthening one's resolve and willpower, for
this will make a young woman able to resist and control
her desires.
4 _ Remembering what Allaah has prepared for
righteous young women. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Verily, the Muslims (those who submit to Allaah in
Islam) men and women, the believers men and women
(who believe in Islamic Monotheism), the men and the
women who are obedient (to Allaah), the men and women
who are truthful (in their speech and deeds), the men and
the women who are patient (in performing all the duties
which Allaah has ordered and in abstaining from all that
Allaah has forbidden), the men and the women who are
humble (before their Lord Allaah), the men and the women
who give Sadaqaat (i.e. Zakaah and alms), the men and
the women who observe Sawm (fast) (the obligatory
fasting during the month of Ramadaan, and the optional
Nawafil fasting), the men and the women who guard their
chastity (from illegal sexual acts) and the men and the
women who remember Allaah much with their hearts and
tongues. Allaah has prepared for them forgiveness and a
great reward (i.e. Paradise)"
[al-Ahzaab 33:35]
5 _ Thinking about the lives of righteous women
who guarded their chastity, such as Maryam, whom
Allaah praises in the Qur'aan (interpretation of the meaning):
"And Maryam (Mary), the daughter of `Imraan
who guarded her chastity. And We breathed into (the sleeve
of her shirt or her garment) through Our Rooh [i.e.
Jibreel (Gabriel)], and she testified to the truth of the Words
of her Lord [i.e. believed in the Words of Allaah: "Be!"
and he was; that is `Eesa (Jesus), son of Maryam (Mary) as
a Messenger of Allaah], and (also believed in) His Scriptures, and she was of the Qaanitoon (i.e.
obedient to Allaah)"
[al-Tahreem 66:12]
And thinking about the immoral, fallen women,
and comparing between the two types, for there is a
huge difference between them.
6 _ Choosing righteous companions and spending
time with them, so that they can help one another to obey
and worship Allaah.
7 _ Comparing the effects of immediate fulfillment
of desire when a girl responds to haraam, which is
followed by loss of pleasure and all that is left is regret and
sorrow, with patience and striving against one's whims
and desires, and realizing that the pleasure of conquering
one's whim and desires is far greater than the pleasures
of enjoying haraam things.
8 _ Seeking help by calling upon Allaah and asking
Him for help. The Qur'aan tells us the lesson to be
learned from the story of Yoosuf (peace be upon him):
"He said: `O my Lord! Prison is dearer to me than that
to which they invite me. Unless You turn away their
plot from me, I will feel inclined towards them and be one
(of those who commit sin and deserve blame or those
who do deeds) of the ignorant'
So his Lord answered his invocation and turned
away from him their plot. Verily, He is the AllHearer,
the AllKnower"
[Yoosuf 12:33 _ interpretation of the meaning]
Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh (www.islam-qa.com)
Search Inside This Book At Google Book Search - (280 pages)
22704: How to be successful in life
Question:
How to obtain success and prosperity in this world
and hereafter.What kind of success or prosperity that
islam want the ummah islam gain in this world.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. Peace of mind,
contentment, happiness and freedom from worries and anxiety…
these are what everyone wants, and these are the ways in
which people can have a good life and find com | 
