Chapter 6

11519: If she marries him, his first wife will leave him

Question:

I'm a single mother. There is a brother asked me to get married, but he already has a wife. I said no for a while but, I prayed stakhara and I found myself saying yes to the brother. There are a lot of gossip going on in the community about us talking. People tell me there are a lot of single brothers out there why a married man? Than , people say if you want to marry her than get married or leave her. He's trying to make his wife understand that he does want to get married. It might take time for her to understand even though she said that she will leave if he does get married. I lost my best friend from all this fitnah. I would feel guilty if I did marry him and his wife left because she wouldn't be able to handle it. I might not handle it. Allah(swt) knows best. Should I be patient and wait for the brother to try to solve things with his wife or should I just forget him and marry a single brother?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah. The issue of marriage is a personal matter which concerns you alone. You are not responsible for whatever happens between him and his first wife.

If you have several options, then choose that which is the best. But if you only have the choice between marrying him and remaining single, then I think that marrying him is better.

Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh (www.islam-qa.com)

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7205: Is it permissible to use birth control because one is afraid to have children due to the corruption of society?

Question:

Is it permissible to use birth control so that a person has a child every five years, because he sees the corruption in society and would not be able to raise a lot of children close in age in this overwhelmingly corrupt society?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-`Uthaymeen, may Allaah preserve him, who replied:

So long as this is the intention, then it is not permissible to do this, because it reflects a lack of trust in Allaah with regard to the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said "Marry the one who is loving and fertile…"

But if the birth control has to do with the condition of the woman _ because she cannot cope with repeated pregnancies _ this may be permissible, but it is better not to do it.

Question: Do you mean that it is more important to pay attention to the woman's condition than to the corrupt nature of society?

Answer: Of course, because there is no certainty that one's children will be corrupt; they may be righteous people who will bring benefits to society. And Allaah knows best.

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-`Uthaymeen (www.islam-qa.com)

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2247: He has breasts which resembles those of a woman

Question:

A person has breasts which resemble a woman's breasts. Is it permissible for him to have surgery to reduce them?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

We asked Shaykh `Abd-Allaah ibn `Abd al-Rahmaan al-Jibreen the following question:

A person has breasts which resemble a woman's breasts. Is it permissible for him to have surgery to reduce them?

He (may Allaah preserve him) replied as follows:

Praise be to Allaah.

You must try to lose weight, then the fat around the breast will be reduced.

If what you have is not a result of fat (and it is causing you trouble), and you can do an operation to reduce it without any harm involved, that will be OK.

Shaykh `Abd-Allaah ibn `Abd al-Rahmaan al-Jibreen (www.islam-qa.com)

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3234: Resisting the temptation of women

Question:

This question is not really to get a ruling on whether what I'm doing is wrong. It's a question on how to get rid of my problem. I can't stop talking and going out with girls.
When a girl starts flirting with me it's like I can't tell her no. It is like my brain stops functioning. I usually end up going out with the girl and may be kiss but elhamdullilah I have never been further. I know what I do is wrong; and believe me I feel guilty after every date, but I don't know what to do. Please help me. I'm weak when it comes to women and I don't know what to do. I pray 5 times a day, and I fast, and I try to be good but when it comes to women I can't control myself. Thank you for your help. Salam

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spoke the truth when he said, "I am not leaving behind any fitnah (trial, temptation) more harmful to men than women." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4706).

He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also said: "This world is sweet and dazzling, and Allaah has you put in charge of it to see how you will do and what you will do, so beware of this world and beware of women, for the first fitnah (temptation, trial) that befell the Children of Israel was concerning women." (Reported by Muslim, 4925).

You have to deal with two things, one now and one in the future. As far as your past misbehaviour is concerned, you must repent sincerely to Allaah right now, and do good deeds to expiate for your bad deeds, as was reported in the hadeeth of Ibn Mas'ood (may Allaah be pleased with him), who said that a man kissed a woman [who was unlawful for him]; he came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him about it, [saying, "I met a woman in the garden, and I embraced her, touched her and kissed her]. [Here I am, judge concerning me as you wish."] [He started asking how he could expiate for this, and (the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)) did not say anything]. Then Allaah revealed the words (interpretation of the meaning): "And perform al-salaah at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds…" [Hood 11:114]. The man asked, "O Messenger of Allaah, is this just for me?" He said, "It is for all of my ummah (reported by al-Bukhaari, 495; additional material in brackets is from the reports of al-Tirmidhi, Ahmad, Muslim and Ibn Maajah, in that order), so do a lot of acts of worship and good deeds, so that Allaah may accept your repentance."

As far as the future is concerned, you are not permitted at all to go to places where there is corruption and free mixing, where you are likely to meet women. You say that you cannot control yourself, so why do you go to places where you spend time chatting informally with women, and then say that you cannot resist? What you say is completely unacceptable. If you avoid the places and things that lead to evil, and do not expose yourself to it, you will protect yourself from falling into sin. Fear Allaah, for Allaah is watching you to see how you will do and what you will do. Beware of going to places that will lead you into haraam things. Remember that the more you indulge in haraam activities, the more difficult it is to retreat, so nip it in the bud. Stick to righteous company, and keep away from evil things and evil people. Do everything that will help you to remain chaste, such as hastening to marry and lowering your gaze. I ask Allaah to protect you from the temptation of women. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

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7722: His father is a very angry person who swears a lot, and there are a lot of arguments in the house

Question:

I am a God fearing Muslim and I need some advise. My father is a very angry person. He yells and swears almost non-stop. When he really losses it he breaks things around the house. He's tried to hit my mother once but we stopped him. He calls us prostitutes and homosexuals when he's mad. When he's not he claims he's a good Muslim. I printed out the article I found on your site about controlling one's anger, but he took it lightly. I am not in need of him nor is any of my siblings. I find it hard to believe that even under these circumstances we must honor him when he stoops to the lowest levels to insult us. He can also be dangerous, he threatens to hurt us and I am afraid that one day he will deliver. What is the ruling on honoring this type of father? Can we move out?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

If you are not causing his anger then there is no blame on you. But at the same time you are obliged to treat him kindly and honour him. Allaah has enjoined honouring one's parents even if they believe in shirk (associating others in worship with Allaah), so how about those whose sin is less than that?

With regard to your moving out, if he agrees to that and it will be better for him, then there is nothing wrong with it. Otherwise, strive to be patient in putting up with what he does to you, for that will not be lost, and you will meet it before Allaah (i.e., it will count in your favour on the Day of Resurrection).

If a man who is employed can put up with bad treatment from a boss, and bears his anger and insults with patience for the sake of earning a living and keeping his job, then you should certainly be able to put up with your father's bad treatment and insults for the sake of pleasing Allaah and earning His reward. If he dies after you have been patient with him, you will not regret it, but if he dies when you are opposing him and shunning him, you might blame yourself and say, "If only I had been patient, if only I had put up with him…" I hope that you will convey my salaams to your father and tell him that whoever strives against his own nafs (self) and does not get angry will attain Paradise, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us. Tell him that destroying furniture is a waste of money and is something which is haraam. According to a saheeh hadeeth, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade us to waste money. And tell him that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to restrain his tongue, so let him follow his example, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Indeed in the Messenger of Allaah (Muhammad) you have a good example to follow"

[al-Ahzaab 33:21]

If your father gets angry, do not try to advise him when he is in the heat of his anger, for he might persist and get carried away. Offer him advice when his anger has ceased and he has calmed down, for then he will be more likely to respond. Make the person with whom your father isangry go away quietly so as not to make matters worse. There is nothing wrong with you defending your mother, in fact this is required of you, but not by means of you physically fighting with your father. Rather you should take your mother quietly away from the scene after reminding your father of Allaah and advising him to seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan. May Allaah help you and may He help us and you to do all that is good.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

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10033: He wants to limit having children because he is poor

Question:

please tell me if i should wait to try and have children based on my concern for giving any children Allaah ta'Ala might give me a good islamic family environment. i have debts from long ago that involve paying ribaa and i feel that i should wait to have children until i can pay off these debts. please advise. jazakum Allahu khairan

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings)

"And no moving (living) creature is there on earth but its provision is due from Allaah" [Hood 11:6]

"And so many a moving (living) creature carries not its own provision! Allaah provides for it and for you. And He is the AllHearer, the AllKnower" [al-`Ankaboot 29:60]

"Verily, Allaah is the AllProvider, Owner of Power, the Most Strong" [al-Dhaariyaat 51:58]

"so seek your provision from Allaah (Alone), and worship Him (Alone), and be grateful to Him" [al-`Ankaboot 29:17]

Allaah condemned the people of the Jaahiliyyah who killed their children for fear of poverty, and He forbade doing what they did. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We shall provide for them as well as for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin"

[al-Israa' 17:31]

Allaah has commanded His slaves to put their trust in Him in all their affairs, and He is Sufficient for those who put their trust in Him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"and put your trust in Allaah if you are believers indeed"

[al-Maa'idah 5:23]

"And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him"

[al-Talaaq 65:3].

So you have to put your trust in your Lord and believe that He will provide for you and your children. Do not let the fear of poverty prevent you from seeking to have children, for Allaah has guaranteed provision for all. By not wanting children for fear of poverty, you are imitating the people of the Jaahiliyyah.

You should also note that taking out loans with interest is ribaa (usury), for which Allaah issues the warning of a painful torment. It is one of the seven sins which condemn a person to Hell. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Avoid the seven sins which condemn a person to Hell…[which include] consuming ribaa." And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Allaah has cursed the one who consumes ribaa, the one who pays it…" Consumption of ribaa is one of the greatest causes of poverty and loss of blessings, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Allaah will destroy Ribaa and will give increase for Sadaqaat (deeds of charity, alms)" [al-Baqarah 2:276]

I think that you do not know the ruling on interest-based loans. So seeks Allaah's forgiveness for what is in the past, and do not do it again. Wait for your Lord to grant you a way out and seek provision from Him. Put your trust in Him for Allaah loves those who put their trust in Him. Shaykh `Abd al-Rahmaan al-Barraak (www.islam-qa.com)

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5644: His father wants him to marry his cousin who is close in age to him

Question:

Alhamdo Lillah I am a practicing muslim and I am also involved in the work of Tabligh and Dawah. One thing that always gets me and makes me feel that I am not doing enough for my deen and my life hereafter is when I think about my Father. My Father is a good practicing muslim and it is from him that I have learned about Islam. I have three brothers all of them are elder to me and all of them are married. We had a great family and great atmosphere at home until it was time for the brothers to get married. My father wanted them to marry my cousins, but my brothers were against it and they were married to other girls who were not from our relatives. So now my father does not have the same attitude towards them and he always tries to elude them and ignore them. I was terrified to see him act like this as he is a staunch muslim and respects Islam and it's teaching. Now it is time for my marriage and he wanted me to marry one of my cousins. Now the problem that I am facing here is that me and my cousin we were kind of close as we were of nearly same age and did most of the schooling together. So I have known her mostly as a good sister and now my dad wanted me to marry her and I was in a state of jeopardy. I am very much aware of the rights of one's dad and that he is the doorway to my Jannah. The problem with my dad is that he does not say anything and he just behaves as if I do not exist. He would talk to me and everything but like a stranger and infront of others he would behave as if nothing is wrong, but that kind of attitude is killing me and I think that he is really pissed off with me. The question is about my life and who I would like to spend my life with, but on the other hand I run the risk of spoiling my Akirah by making my dad unhappy. My question is how do I handle this problem? How do I get my dad to be the same old self as he was, please guide me in this regards

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Note that is is impossible for things to stay the same forever. Glory be to the One Who changes His slaves' circumstances and directs them as He wills. Our advice to you concerning this problem is first to think of marrying the relative whom your father has suggested that you marry, regardless of the previous knowledge to which you refer. If she more or less has the qualities that you want in a righteous wife and she does not have any bad quality that you think you could not put up with, then marry her. Perhaps Allaah will decree much good for you in that, and your honouring your father will be the cause of happiness in your marriage.

But if there is an obvious fault that means that you could not marry her, then explain that to your father and try to convince him that forcing a man to choose a wife whom he does not like could cause the marriage to fail and could also cause harm to that girl. Advise your brothers to try to honour your father and keep in touch with him so as to strengthen the family ties and put right what has changed. And Allaah is the Source of strength.

by Shaykh Muhammad ibn `Abd-Allaah al-Duwaysh (www.islam-qa.com)

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11018: Ruling on a dispute between two brothers

Question:

My father and my uncle _ my father's brother _ are always arguing. We live in one house, with only a dividing wall between us. My father is single and my uncle is single; my mother has died and my uncle's wife has died. I always advise them not to fight, but sometimes my uncle picks on my father. How can I advise both of them _ my father and my uncle? Please note that my father prays and fasts, and my uncle prays sometimes and not at other times, but he does fast.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Advise your uncle to pray regularly and explain to him that the salaah is the most important pillar of Islam after the Shahaadatayn. Forsaking prayer is kufr, and his fasting is not valid if he is not praying. His good deeds will not be accepted if he does not pray. Advise them both to be righteous and to fear Allaah, and to uphold the ties of kinship and pay attention to the rights of relatives; whoever cuts the ties of kinship, Allaah will cut him off, and whoever takes care of the ties of kinship, Allaah will take care of him. Read to them both the aayaat of the Qur'aan and the ahaadeeth of the Prophet which speak of that. Then if you uncle responds, then praise be to Allaah, otherwise you have to shun him.

From Fataawaa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah, 12/363 (www.islam-qa.com)

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6990: Her husband wants to move far away from her family, and she does not want to go

Question:

my sisters husband does not like my sister coming to her parents house and her sister and brothers going to her house, he now wants to move far away but my sister is not willing because he does not treat her properly, and the situation is coming down to the divorse stage , what advice is there in the quran and hadith

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Basically the righteous wife should be obedient to her Lord and not disobedient to her husband. There is no better deed than a woman obeying her husband as Allaah has commanded, at the time when he is disobeying Him with regard to her.

The husband has the right to stop his wife from visiting her family _ if he thinks that doing so will serve some shar'i purpose, for example, if she is rebellious towards him every time she comes back from visiting them. But if he is doing them wrong and they are not disobedient towards Allaah and they do not try to turn his wife against him, then the husband is a sinner if he cuts their daughter off from them. She also has to obey him with regard to not going out.

The husband has the right to relocate his family wherever he thinks will be good for them, and his wife does not have the right to disobey him with regard to that, unless it was made a condition in the marriage contract that he would not make her move. If this condition was not stipulated, then she has no right to object.

Good treatment of wives is a duty enjoined upon husbands by Allaah, when He said (interpretation of the meaning): "… and live with them honourably…" [al-Nisa' 4:19]. The husband does not have the right to treat his wife badly. If he sees her doing something that goes against the sharee'ah, he should follow the steps laid down by sharee'ah to put the matter right. Firstly, he should exhort her in a good manner, and if that does not work, he should adopt the method of forsaking her (i.e., not having marital relations with her). If that does not work, then he may strike her, in a manner that does not cause pain or injury.

If the husband does treat his wife badly, that does not mean that she should disobey him or go against what Allaah has commanded her to do with regard to him.

We advise the sister to do the following:

strive hard to do things that will please her husband such as speaking nicely and treating him well.

To deal with him not on the basis that she is his opponent and his equal with regard to commanding and forbidding, but on the basis that she is obedient to him and is at his beck and call, because this will make a decent man feel shy, and will make matters easier for her and help her to convince him. But he is the one who is in charge of her (he is qawwaam over her), not the other way round.

She should offer lots of du'aa' for her husband to be reformed and for things to be made easy for her. She should put things right between herself and her Lord so that Allaah will put things right between her and other people.

There is nothing wrong with asking someone whose religious commitment she trusts and who is wise to intervene between her and her husband, to convince him to change his mind about moving, if she thinks that this would have a bad effect on her religious commitment or that it would make matters between them worse. Otherwise, she should accept what Allaah has decreed for her.

We ask Allaah to make things easy for her and to choose for her whatever is better for her spiritual and worldly interests. And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

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3127: Tragedy of a woman who has become Muslim, but she has two children and their father is Hindu

Question:

I have read question 2803 in which you advised our sister to announce her marraige as it is sunnah and I have also read the other questions with regards to parents rejecting their son's/daughter's choice of marraige because of various reasons. What advice do you give to a person in the following situation:

She is divorced frmo her ex husband and has embraced Islam for she has reliaed the truth and she was guided to the right path, Al Hamdulilah, her conversion is kept secret from her family for obvious reasons and her two children whom she has custody of are still Hindu because her ex husband would rather kill her than see his children embrace Islam. He is strong enemy of Islam and has sworn our deen and ALLAH on a few occassions. She is now in love with a religious and well mannered Muslim man who has asked her to marry him. The problem is that his parents object to their marraige because the mother feels that the lady in question is a convert and that converts don't make good muslims. In fact her exact words were "Thery will never be one of us" If they do decide to make Nikaah can they for these reasons keep their marraige a secret. The man who has asked for her hand in marraige says that he will accept her children provided they embrace Islam because two religions cannot be practiced in one house especially when the other one is idol worshipp and I can't agree with him more. How do these two people who love each other make a life of their own.
His parents are a problem on the one hand and the ex husband not wanting the children to embrace Islam is another problem.

My friend does not want to give up custody of her children because her ex husband is abusive. Please advise our sister as soon as possible as she is suffering from depression and sleepless nights.

May ALLAH bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Jazak Allah

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

First of all, we would like to congratulate our sister for embracing Islam, which is the joy for which wealth and souls would be sacrificed, for all the blessing of Islam makes all grief and distress fade into insignificance.

The sister says that she loves a Muslim man. We say: it is not appropriate for a Muslim woman to fall into the trap of nonsensical emotions and forbidden relationships into which others fall. The love which people hear about and read about is one of the dazzling tricks of the Shaytaan, and it usually happens with regard to things that Allaah has forbidden. If a man finds that he likes a girl, the only option he has is to ask her guardian (walee) for permission to marry her.

The man's mother's comment that new Muslims cannot be good Muslims is false. Were the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them) anything but new Muslims, given that prior to their Islam they had been believers in Shirk? Does any Muslim have any doubts about their commitment to religion and their character? Moreover, we see that many new Muslims are many times better than many (born) Muslims! Just because a Muslim is new does not mean that he will never be good, and just because a Muslim is born in Islam does not mean that he is good. What counts is Taqwa (piety, awareness of Allaah) and righteous deeds, as well as the length of time one has been in Islam and has been worshipping Allaah.

There is no reason why knowledge of the man's marriage should not be withheld from his parents, especially since this is in the interests of the sister and there are so few people who can help her to overcome her difficulties. It is the woman who needs a walee according to sharee'ah, not the man. However, we would prefer that he wins his family's approval by convincing them, because this is in their best interests, benefits which may be lost if they find out that their son concealed his marriage from them.

The fact that the husband says he wants to call the children to Islam is good. We ask Allaah to help him to achieve this. The fact that the Hindu father is evil is sufficient reason for him not to make an open display of his calling the children to Islam, if that could lead to this kaafir taking the children away by going to the kaafir courts. You have to act with wisdom in this case.

The woman who is asking this question should not arrange her own marriage even if she has been previously married, because sharee'ah does not permit this. If she does not have a walee as required by sharee'ah, then her walee may be the qaadi (judge) or whoever is in charge of the Muslim affairs in her country, such as the head of the Islamic centre or his deputy.

They _ especially the sister _ have to seek the help of Allaah in dealing with these problems which are giving her sleepless nights. Everyone should know that whoever puts his trust in Allaah, Allaah will show him a way out. She has to make du'aa' sincerely, and he has to try as hard as he can to advise his family and change their views about new Muslims by showing them real examples of people who are the opposite of what they think. With regard to the tragedy caused by the former husband, we advise her again not to make an open display of her calling the children to Islam, lest that should cause the father to do something that will have bad consequences. If they feel suspicious about his intentions, there is no harm in calling the police to do whatever is necessary with regard to him.

If getting married means that the sister will lose her right to custody of her children, we advise her not to get married now, for fear that these two souls may end up in Hell in the Hereafter _ unless she fears that she herself may commit some immoral action, in which case she should marry the Muslim man whom she has told us about, with witnesses and a walee as we have stated above. Publicizing the marriage is sunnah, although it does not have to be announced officially and in writing. But this sister has to live in a protective Muslim environment and those people will have to know about her marriage lest she bring upon herself gossip about her honour. If it will be better for her to leave the place where her ex-husband lives and move to another place where she can be free, have custody of her children and be able to marry a believing Muslim man who will protect her and her children, then she should do that.

She has to make du'aa' and turn to Allaah to relieve her distress and grief. We pray that Allaah will give her the strength to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

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7833: The problem of children stealing

Question:

I became very upset after I discovered that one of my children had stolen something, and I am afraid that he may become a thief in the future. What advice can you give me?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

A young child may steal for a number of reasons:

He steals because he does not know the difference between borrowing and stealing, and the concept of personal ownership is not clear in his mind.

Some children steal because they are deprived of things that others have.

To take revenge on the parents or to attract their attention.

What do we advise?

Keep calm. Instead of rebuking him and putting him to shame, keep calm. This situation is an opportunity to teach your child.

Advise and exhort the child. Explain to him the Islamic rulings concerning stealing, and tell him that Allaah says in His Book (interpretation of the meaning):

"Cut off (from the wrist joint) the (right) hand of the thief, male or female…)" [al-Maa'idah 5:38]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) accepted the pledge of women, when they made bay'ah (oath of allegience) to him, that they would not steal, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"… that they will not steal…" [al-Mumtahinah 60:12].

Remind your child that Allaah is always watching. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"He is with you (by His Knowledge) wheresoever you may be" [al-Hadeed 57:4]

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"… Allaah is Witness to what you do." [Aal `Imraan 3:98]

Tell him: Allaah can see you even if you steal something in secret, far away from the view of people, because He says (interpretation of the meaning):

"He knows the secret and that which is yet more hidden." [Ta-Ha 20:7]

Confront the child: you have to confront the child with the reason and motive for stealing. For example, you could say to him, "I know that you took candy from the store, and that you took it because you felt that you needed it, but stealing it was not the answer. Next time, if you want something, talk to me first. I know that you want to be honest." Try to make the child see how others feel _ "If you were in the place of the person whose property was stolen, how would you feel?"

Making the punishment severe, such as making the child return the stolen property and apologize, or making him pay the value of the item if it has been damaged or used up, whilst also depriving him of some privileges at home.

Supervising the child and not leaving him alone for a long time.

And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path.

See: Tanweer al-`Ibaad bi Turuq al-Ta'aamul ma'a al-Awlaad by Dr. Haamid Nahaar al-Mutayri, p. 37.

Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

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6540: What should I do with my drug-addicted brother?

Question:

MY BROTHER IS TAKING ECSTASY DRUGS AND I MADE HIM UNDERSTAND IT IS HARAAM. hE IS SAYING IT IS WRONG BUIT IT IS DIFFERENT TO WINE AND HE IS PERSISTING IN IT.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

No doubt your brother is in a state of major crisis, and we ask Allaah to help you to deal with this crisis.

We advise you to be kind and gentle when you deal with him and advise him, because attention must be paid to his condition, just as with all other sick people _ whether they are suffering from a disease of the mind or of the body.

You have to do everything you can to stop him from having the drugs and to stop him from meeting the bad friends who are giving or selling him the stuff and thus helping him to do wrong.

You should not give him anything he wants, if you can withhold it from him, until he gives up what he is doing.

We advise you to consult with a specialist doctor who can treat him properly until he gets better and gives up this habit.

If he has young sons or daughters, or brothers and sisters, we suggest that they should also advise him and denounce what he is doing. Perhaps then he will give up because he feels ashamed in front of his children or siblings.

You could describe to him, with the support of other people's testimonials, how he looks and behaves when he is in an intoxicated state and is out of his mind, so that when he comes back to his senses he will see the evil sin that he has committed.

Do not forget to pray to Allaah to help him to get rid of this habit. Try to make du'aa' during the last third of the night, and may Allaah show you the way out. We ask Allaah to guide him and to give you patience. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

Search Inside This Book At Google Book Search - (280 pages)

5435: Her son is two years old and is not eating solid food yet

Question:

My son is two years old.I fed him with my milk till he is two.He is not drinking other regular milk and not at all interested in eating any food.Is there any particular duvaa or any soora or aayaa or Allah's name to recite to improve his eating habit?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

You should pray to Allaah to make his weaning easy. There is no specific du'aa' for this particular matter, but it is OK to recite general du'aa's.

Among the du'aa's for children narrated in the Qur'aan are:

What the wife of `Imraan said when she gave birth to Maryam (interpretation of the meaning):

"Wa innee u'eedhuhaa bika wa dhurriyyatahaa min ash-Shaytaan ir-rajeem (I seek refuge with You (Allaah) for her and for her offspring from Shaytaan, the outcast)."

[Aal `Imraan 3:36],

and what the believer said (interpretation of the meaning):

"wa aslih li fi dhurriyyati (and make my offspring good)"

[al-Ahqaaf 46:15].

The words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him):

"U'eedhuka bi kalimaat Illaahi't-taammah min kulli shaytaanin wa haammah wa min kulli `aynin laammah (I seek refuge for you in the perfect words of Allaah from every devil and every vermin, and from every bad eye)"

and:

"Allaahumma innee as'aluka al-'afu wa'l-`aafiyah fi ahli wa maali (O Allaah, I ask you for forgiveness and good health and protection with regard to my family and my wealth).

It is also OK to make du'aa' by yourself with regard to this matter, such as saying, "O Allaah, provide him with blessed food, hasten good nourishment for him and make his weaning easy, and make him independent by Your grace and mercy," and so on.

You should also consult with doctors and seek their help _ you may find that they can give you some good advice. May Allaah help you to do all that is good.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

Search Inside This Book At Google Book Search - (280 pages)

2967: His wife claims that she was raped

Question:

I am a Muslim immigrant in North America. 18 years ago I was newly married and had to go out of town for business. My wife told me that during my absence someone got into the house and just kissed her, but then left, telling her that she is too young. But now after 18 years of our marriage she is telling me that yes she was raped by him. The man had sexual intercourse with her several times that day. During the last intercourse she could not hold back and had orgasm several times from him and hugged and kissed him Since the man was a rapist he never came back afraid of getting caught. I feel devastated from this incidence and very upset that why she did not tell me 18 years ago. I was kept in the dark for so many years, under the impression that no one has ever touched her. Please reply me ASAP what should I do? Is our marriage still valid? Should I divorce her? I also don't feel like going to the mosque and pray to Allah anymore. Please email me your reply ASAP to XXXX. Another point is that from the start when the man got into the house, she did whatever the man told her to do, she did not resist or scare him, or made him realize that it is a crime he is comitting, etc. She also did not scare him that my brother who used to live with us, is going to come in the house anytime. Her excuse is that she was too scared. I will wait for your advice.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

If what your wife has recently told you is what really happened, then she has committed a major sin and an act of clear betrayal by giving in to this attacker and not trying to escape or stop him or call for help and so on. Her claim that she was forced to do it is not acceptable, because she makes no mention of being threatened with a weapon or being tied up, etc. If this is indeed the case, and she clearly did not try to defend herself, then what should you do and how should you regard her?

There is no doubt that you should warn her and remind her about Allaah and the Last Day and its horrors, and explain to her the seriousness of overstepping the limits set by Allaah and betraying one's spouse. You should also remind her of the terrible punishment dictated by sharee'ah for the married person who commits adultery, which is stoning to death.

After warning her in this fashion, if you see that she regrets what she did and is striving to be righteous, there is nothing wrong with staying with her, and your marriage will still be valid. It seems most likely that this woman is indeed sorry for what she did and has repented, because she is the one who ha