Chapter 3

Love and the steps that
lead to immoral actions

49687: He fell into the trap of visiting chat sites and talking to girls, but has now repented

Question:

I fell into the trap of visiting a website on the Net to which I subscribed by paying money. The site initially appeared to be good but most of those who visited it were just playing. But I started to correspond with more than one hundred girls, and I spoke with them on the mobile, and I spoke to them in romantic terms and I met some of them. Now I have repented to Allaah and I hope that you can advise the owner of this site, because it has now become a means of evil and a means of approaching the opposite sex. May Allaah reward you with good.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

We praise Allaah for having enabled you to repent, and we ask Allaah to make you steadfast in adhering to the truth and the right path. May He guide young Muslim men and women to guard their religious commitment and their honour.

You should note that it is not permissible for men to start such websites or to visit them. The owner of this site is one of those who are addressed by the warning in the verse (interpretation of the meaning):

"Verily, those who like that (the crime of) illegal sexual intercourse should be propagated among those who believe, they will have a painful torment in this world and in the Hereafter"

[al-Noor 24:19]

Indeed he is more deserving of this warning, because the warning in this verse was addressed to those who like immorality to be propagated, so how about one who actually works to make that happen and become widespread?

This is the way that is known to end in what we see and hear and read about those who use these means to approach the opposite sex. How many men have lost their religious commitment and how many women have lost their honour? Some of them have found no other way but suicide to escape from the dark tunnel that they got into because of corresponding and speaking to non-mahrams.

We have already discussed the ruling on corresponding and speaking to non-mahrams. Please see the answers to questions no. 22101, 26890, 23349 and 10221.

And Allaah knows best.

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44819: He had a relationship with a girl for two years, can he propose marriage to her?

Question:

I am a young man who had a lot of problems in my life and I could not find anyone to show me sympathy, especially in the absence of anyone who is sincere in friendship. So I turned to a girl who overwhelmed me with her kindness and sincerity which I will never forget as long as I live. But now after going out with her for two years during which I have not done anything wrong like zina, may Allaah keep us safe from that and from our bad deeds, I want to propose marriage to her. Is this relationship permitted or not?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

The relationship mentioned in the question is a forbidden relationship and an obvious sin. It is not permissible for a man to form a relationship with a non-mahram woman where they become friends and go out together, because that involves doing things which Allaah has forbidden, namely looking, touching, being alone together and talking softly. Such relationships are not free of these things. It is one of the tricks of the Shaytaan to make such relationships attractive to people, so that a person feels his worries have been relieved or reduced because of this relationship. This is obvious from your words "I turned to" … "her sincerity" "I will never forget" etc. … In addition to your denial of having done anything wrong despite the fact that what has happened is a kind of forbidden relationship, even if we assume that it has not reached the level of zina.

What you have to do is to repent to Allaah and to be convinced that what you have done is wrong. You have to give up this evil action and regret what has happened in the past. Remember the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to the one who came to him and asked him for permission to commit zina: "Would you like it for your mother?" He said: "No, by Allaah, may Allaah cause me to be sacrificed for you." He said: "And people do not like it for their mothers." He said: "Would you like it for your daughter?" He said: "No, by Allaah, O Messenger of Allaah, may Allaah cause me to be sacrificed for you." He said: "And people do not like it for their daughters." He said: "Would you like it for your sister?" He said: "No, by Allaah, may Allaah cause me to be sacrificed for you." He said: "And people do not like it for their sisters." He said, "Would you like it for your paternal aunt?" He said: "No, by Allaah, may Allaah cause me to be sacrificed for you." He said: "And people do not like it for their paternal aunts." He said, "Would you like it for your maternal aunt?" He said: "No, by Allaah, may Allaah cause me to be sacrificed for you." He said: "And people do not like it for their maternal aunts."

Narrated by Ahmad, 22265; classed as saheeh by Shaykh Shu'ayb al-Arnaa'oot in Tahqeeq al-Musnad.

With regard to proposing marriage to her, there is no reason why you should not, after establishing that she is righteous and that she regularly fulfils the duties required in Islam, and that she keeps away from haraam things, and that she has repented from this sinful relationship.

And Allaah knows best.

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40618: Can she uncover her face in front of her sister's husband?

Question:

My sister's husband sleeps in our house sometimes and sometimes he stays all day, and I cannot cover my face in front of him. Am I sinning thereby? What is the solution?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Your sister's husband is a stranger (non-mahram) to you, and you have to cover your face in front of him and not be alone with him. Similarly it is haraam for him to look at you or to be alone with you. Unfortunately people are careless in their homes with regard to the in-laws, even though sharee'ah speaks strongly concerning them more than others, because people mix freely with them in their houses and the family members trust them.

It was narrated from `Uqbah ibn `Aamir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Beware of entering upon women." A man from among the Ansaar said: "O Messenger of Allaah, what about the in-law?" He said: "The in-law is death."

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4934; Muslim, 2172.

The in-law is the husband's relative.

We notice here that the Sahaabi wanted to make an exception in the case of the husband's relatives, but the ruling was re-emphasized in the strongest terms, because no one regards it as strange if he enters the house.

Al-Nawawi said:

With regard to the Prophet's words, "The in-law is death," what this means is that the fear in his case is greater than in the case of others, and evil is expected on his part and the fitnah (temptation) is greater, because he is able to reach the woman and be alone with her with no one denouncing him, unlike the stranger or non-mahram. What is meant by the in-law here is the husband's relatives, except for his father/grandfather and sons/grandsons.His father/grandfather and sons/grandsons are mahrams of the wife and it is permissible for them to be alone with her; they are not described as "death". Rather what is meant here is the brother, nephew, uncle, cousin and others who are not mahrams. People customarily take things lightly with regard to them, so a man will often be alone with his brother's wife. This is what is described as death and it is more important that he be stopped than a stranger, for the reasons we have mentioned above. What I have mentioned is the correct meaning of the hadeeth… Ibn al-A'raabi said: This is something that the Arabs say, as in the phrase al-asad al-mawt (the lion is death), because meeting it is like dying. Al-Qaadi said: What is meant is that being alone with the in-laws leads to fitnah (temptation) and the destruction of one's religious commitment, so this is described as being akin to the destruction of death.

Sharh Muslim, 14/154.

We advise this sister and others to fear Allaah and strive to wear proper hijaab in front of non-mahram men.

Please see also questions no. 13728, 6408, 13261

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41693: She has committed haraam actions with her fiancé

Question:

I am a Muslim girl. I pray and I fear my Lord a great deal, but I have a problem. I know a person who came and proposed marriage to me. My father agrees but he always postpones the matter because of family reasons. We cannot be patient and the more time goes by, the more I find myself attached to him. He used to ask me to meet him often, and we have met more than once. We spoke together and kissed one another as if we were married, and even touched one another. I know that this is haraam and is wrong. Every time that happens I end up arguing with him and get angry with myself. I asked my Lord for forgiveness and I prayed Istikhaarah, asking whether this person is right for me or not. Every time I tell him that we should only meet in permissible ways, but then we make the same mistake. I want a solution. Please help me.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

You say in your question that you regularly observe the five daily prayers and that you fear Allaah a great deal. We hope that you will be fine, and we ask Allaah to make you steadfast in faith and in doing righteous deeds, and to keep evil and corruption far away from you.

Secondly:

Islam has blocked all the ways that may lead to committing immoral actions. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Come not near to Al-Fawaahish (shameful sins and illegal sexual intercourse) whether committed openly or secretly" [al-An'aam 6:151]

"Coming near" implies doing something that may lead to those actions. Islam also warns against men mixing freely with women. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Beware of entering upon women." They said: O Messenger of Allaah, what about the in-law? He said: "The in-law is death." Agreed upon.

"In-law" refers to the husband's relatives, his brothers, uncles, cousins, etc.

Islam also warns us against being alone with a non-mahram woman. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No man is alone with a (non-mahram) woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present." Narrated by Ahmad, al-Tirmidhi and al-Haakim; al-Albaani said: It is saheeh. Saheeh al-Jaami', no. 2546.

All of this is for the purpose of protecting people's honour against committing immoral actions, and blocking all paths that may lead to the crime of zina (fornication, adultery).

Thirdly:

The fiancé is a "stranger" (non-mahram) to his fiancée until the marriage contract has been done. So your going out with this non-mahram man, kissing him, meeting him and the other things that you mention are all haraam. Fear Allaah and refuse to meet him until the marriage contract has been done, and be frank with him about that.

See also questions no. 2572 and 23432.

Fourthly:

If this person sees that you are determined and righteous, this will make him more keen to marry you, because he will see that you have a strong personality and that you do not give in to your emotions. Who would not want his wife to have a strong personality and be keen to protect her honour? That will affect him and make him change his ways and become more righteous, and you will be the cause of that.

Fifthly:

Put your trust in Allaah and make a lot of du'aa', especially at the times when prayers are answered. Be patient and remind yourself of that which Allaah has prepared for those who are patient, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning"

[al-Zumar 39:10]

Sixthly:

We remind you that Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands AlFahsha' [i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and AlMunkar [disbelief and polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is forbidden in Islam)]. And had it not been for the Grace of Allaah and His Mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins. But Allaah purifies (guides to Islam) whom He wills, and Allaah is AllHearer, AllKnower"

[al-Noor 24:21]

The Shaytaan gradually calls people to falsehood; before a Muslim commits zina, the Shaytaan draws him towards it by his being alone with a woman, and speaking to her, then kissing her, then meeting her in haraam ways, then the great evil which is zina _ we seek refuge with Allaah.

As the saying goes: A look, then a smile, then a greeting, then speaking, then an appointment, then a meeting.

Seventhly:

You should avoid blind trust in anyone. How many women and girls have said, "My fiancé is decent, he is not what people think"? Then they fell victim to their naïveté. So you should not think of him in a positive way, rather you should be extremely cautious and careful.

Eighthly:

You should think carefully about this husband and find out more about him, because he is going to be your life partner. Is he fit to be your life partner even though he has tried to do something haraam and persisted in that?

Ninthly:

Try to find out what obstacles and problems are making your father postpone this marriage, and talk to him about the matter. If you cannot address him directly, then you can bring in someone who has an influence over him, whether that is your mother or your brothers, or any person who has any status in your father's eyes and can urge him to hasten to do the marriage contract and explain to him the danger of a woman being left without a husband, especially as she grows older, because the opportunity may not come again, and can remind him of the bad consequences if he is careless in this matter.

Some guardians _ may Allaah guide them _ exaggerate about family problems, even simple ones, and make them an obstacle to proceeding with matters such as marriage; others may suffer as a result but they do not care about that or pay attention to their responsibilities.

And finally:

We ask Allaah to guide you to all that is good, and we ask Him to guide your fiancé and to make it easy for you to do that which pleases Him, for He is Able to do that.

May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his family and companions.

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27329: She has repented from an illicit relationship but she wants to contact him in order to get married to him

Question:

I have recently started wearing hijjab al hamdilla and since then i have realized how dead iw as before hijjab.. This hijaab is a responsibility i have taken and i am trying my best to become a better muslim

Before hijjab i knew this boy and we liked each other .. i know relationships are haram .. but then i wasn't aware of right and wrong.. well.. hamdilla we never did zina.. i am now 3rd year university and he is 4th
he is mutdayin now too.. even if i dont talk to guys anymore.. i will always have feelings for him and i wish he would propose to me or at leat he would tell me something that will make me wait.. but that isnt possible
unless if i email him or try to contact him.. so.. my question is .. if i write him and emaling asking him if i should wait for him to propose or not.. will itbe haram? i want to marry him 3al sunat Allah wa rasooloh..
and i think maybe he thinks i don't like him anymore.. so please let me know if i should send an email or not.. he is a very muhtaram respectable man and he too doesnt talk to girls anymore.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is well known in the religion of Allaah that it is forbidden to follow in the footsteps of the Shaytaan, and that all the steps that may lead to falling into something haraam are forbidden, even if they are permitted in principle. This is what the scholars call "preventing the means (that lead to haraam)."

The basic principle of sharee'ah is that when Allaah forbids a thing, He also forbids the ways and means that lead to it, so that it may indeed be forbidden.

We are happy when we hear of or see someone who has come back to Allaah and to His religion after having lost their way, but at the same time we fear that the Shaytaan may make what they used to do when they were astray attractive to them, thus preventing them from following guidance and making them go astray again.

Obviously this is what we fear for the sister who asked this question and for her former friend who has also repented. Hence we cannot condone her idea of getting back in touch with the one with whom she had a relationship before she was guided, even if that is on the basis of wanting to get married according to sharee'ah.

For a non-mahram woman to be in touch with a person with whom it is not permissible for her to be in touch leads to evil consequences which are obvious to any wise person. Hence Allaah has forbidden establishing relationships and taking close female friends. We have already posted some of the fatwas of the scholars on this issue. See questions no. 23349, 20949and 10221.

Secondly:

With regard to the answer to your question, which may be summed up as: Is it permissible for a woman to propose marriage to a man or to tell him that she wants to marry him? The answer is that in sharee'ah the word khutbah (proposal) refers to the man asking the woman. See question no. 20069.

If a woman wants to marry some man, there is nothing wrong with her sending someone whose religious commitment and honesty she trusts to offer her in marriage to him, as Khadeejah (may Allaah be pleased with her) did when she heard of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and saw his good attitude and trustworthiness, and wanted to marry him. So she sent one of her relatives to offer her to him in marriage, and he agreed to marry her.

Based on this, we say to the sister who asked this question: If you want to marry this young man, and he has a good attitude and is religiously committed, then there is nothing wrong with suggesting marriage to him through a trustworthy relative of yours.

You should avoid getting in touch with him or with any other non-mahram men, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that.

And Allaah knows best.

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39931: He has repented from a relationship with a non-mahram woman but he still loves her and feels attached to her

Question:

I am a young man who had a relationship with a girl, but I did not commit any haraam action with her. I know that what I did is not permissible according to sharee'ah, so I ended my contact with her and she accepted that. But I cannot forget her. I love her very much but I cannot marry her, and I often meet her. Is there any means of ridding myself of these feelings and forgetting this girl? I am confused and my confusion may cause me to make a mistake.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

We have already explained in the answers to more than one question that it is haraam for a man to have a relationship with a non-mahram woman outside the framework of marriage. See the answer to question no. 23349 and 9465.

The haraam things that the people who have these relationships fall into include: betrayal, being alone with a non-mahram member of the opposite sex, touching and looking; these are the ways that lead to falling into the sin of zina (fornication, adultery). This is in addition to the harmful effects it has on the heart, causing confusion and distracting it from the purpose for which it was created.

You say that you still meet this girl, and the results of these meetings are obvious to anyone with common sense. You have to persist in your repentance from your former relationship with her, and cut off all ties with this girl.

The solution to such a problem is to marry this girl, thus foiling the Shaytaan and protecting yourself from falling into sin. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "We do not think there is anything better for two who love one another than marriage." Narrated by Ibn Maajah, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah, 1847.

What this hadeeth means is that the greatest remedy for treating love is marriage, because this is the only cure for it. See Fayd al-Qadeer by al-Mannaawi, 295.

But you say that you cannot marry her, so you have no choice other than to be patient, strive to control your nafs (self), and keep yourself busy so that you will not think of her. Your marriage to someone else may be the means of your forgetting her, and you should avoid meeting her as much as you can.

You should know that the life of this world is very short, and the shortest thing in this life is haraam pleasure and the moments in which a person disobeys his Lord. But the joy of the Hereafter will last forever, so how can a smart person like you sacrifice that eternal joy for a moment of brief pleasure that will blacken the record of his deeds?

You should know that Allaah may decree death for you when you are alone with her, so how will you meet your Lord in such a state? What will you leave behind of shame and scandal for your family and for hers?

You should know that Allaah may punish you through your daughter or sister, because you were content to besmirch the honour of another, so you may expect the punishment of Allaah in this world rather than the Hereafter. Allaah protects the family and children of the righteous Muslim by means of his righteousness, but if a man is corrupt the only result can be is that his family and sons and daughters will be corrupt too. How can it be otherwise when he has set them the example by his own actions?

There is no way to forget about this girl except by filling your heart with the love of Allaah and fear of His punishment, and trying to keep the blessing of Allaah from being diminished because of this sin. Think about the consequences of this action whether in this world or in the Hereafter. Hasten to give up this sin and seek the reward for that with Allaah, so that you will then see _ in sha Allaah _ the blessings of faith, piety and delight in worship that your Lord will bestow upon you.

And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path.

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20949: Friendship and love between a man and a woman

Question:

I know keeping girlfriend will destroy the family and so on but what if we were just friends secretly were no one knew. this way we will we will stay togethr until marraige and we can garentee we wont perform any zinna. are there any cases in the old times of love .

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Taking a girlfriend does not only destroy the family, it destroys society, and those who do this are threatened with the punishment and wrath of Allaah. Love is a sickness that destroys the heart and leads to evil and immorality. The Shaytaan will keep tempting them and pushing them until they commit immoral actions and thus each gets what he or she wants from the other.

There are many forbidden matters associated with this, such as transgressing against the honour of others, betraying trust, being alone with a member of the opposite sex, touching, kissing, speaking immoral words, then the greater evil which occurs at the end, which is the sin of zina.

The fact that the questioner says "no one knows about us" is strange. How can he forget about his Lord Who knows what is secret and what is yet more hidden, and who knows the fraud of the eyes and all that the hearts conceal. (cf. Ghaafir 40:19).

Our advice to you, as you are still young, is to discipline yourself to obey Allaah and always remember that He is watching; fear Allaah concerning people's honour; strive for the Day when you will meet your Lord with your deeds; remember the scandal that may happen in this world and the Hereafter. Remember that you have sisters and will have a wife and daughters, so would you like for one of them what you are doing with the daughters of the Muslims? The answer is that you would certainly not like it, and other people do not like it either. Remember that you may see the results of your sin in some of your family members as a punishment to you from your Lord.

You have to look for righteous friends, and you have to keep yourself busy doing that which Allaah loves and is pleased with. Pay attention to the best and most sublime things and leave alone the worst and most vile things. Make the most of your youth in obeying and worshipping Allaah, seeking knowledge and calling others to Allaah. Remember that there were those of your age and younger who were men who had memorized the Qur'aan, who sought knowledge, whom the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent to call others to Allaah and to enter the religion of Islam.

We advise you to get married to a righteous, religiously-committed woman who will help you adhere to your religion and encourage you to adhere to the laws of Allaah, who will look after your children and bring them up with good morals and religious commitment. Give up this woman who agrees to go out with a man who is a stranger to her (a non-mahram) and meet him and talk to him; if she agrees to do immoral actions now then what is going to prevent her from continuing to do so in the future?

Remember that you are angering your Lord with such sins as being alone with her, meeting her and talking to her, and anything more than that is even more serious.

You should realize that zina does not only involve the private parts, rather the eyes may commit zina, the ears may commit zina, the hand may commit zina and the foot may commit zina, as was proven from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). All of that leads to the zina of the private parts. So do not let the Shaytaan deceive you, for he is an enemy to you who wishes you evil and tells you to commit immoral actions.

Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-`Uthaymeen said:

Contact between lovers in improper and unlawful ways is a calamity and a real disaster. It is not permissible for the man to contact the woman in this case, or for the woman to contact the man. If he says that he wants to marry her, then he must tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as `Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and `Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them).

But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is the source of fitnah (temptation).

As'ilat al-Baab il-Maftooh (Question no. 868).

Secondly:

With regard to your question about such forbidden relationships in the ancient love stories, the fact that such stories existed among those who came before us cannot be taken as proof with regard to shar'i rulings, because the rulings of sharee'ah having to do with what is forbidden and what is allowed are to be taken from the shar'i evidence of the Qur'aan and Sunnah, and the commands and prohibitions contained therein.

Some of those mentioned in these stories came before Islam, such as `Antarah and others, and such stories are to be found in other cultures as is well known. But we cannot take shar'i rulings from this because Islam came to bring people forth from being controlled by their desires to complete submission to Allaah the Lord of the Worlds.

We ask Allaah to guide us and you and to give us strength.

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39770: Ruling on being intimate with a non-mahram woman without intercourse

Question:

What is the ruling on being intimate with a non-mahram woman without intercourse in the vagina? Is anal intercourse regarded as sodomy?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is by Allah's wisdom that when He forbids a thing He forbids the things that lead to it, because indulging in things that may lead to haraam may make the heart inclined towards it, in such a way that the individual develops a psychological conflict between falling into this sin or the suffering that results from standing in the middle of the road, so that he is not shunning the haraam thing entirely, with the peace of mind that comes from keeping away from it, nor is he committing the sin and fulfilling the desires of his self that is inclined towards evil. In most cases of this type, the person will fall into major sins that he thought he would never commit, major sins that corrupt his religious and worldly affairs, ruin his life, and destroy the blessing in his wealth and children, as a befitting punishment for his sin, because he moved away from his Lord and transgressed His sacred limits, and did not care that Allaah was watching him and was aware of what he was doing. The wise man is the one who is not careless about things that lead to real disasters that affect his religious commitment, which is a man's capital and comes before any worldly consideration.

The one who thinks about this question will realize that it is impossible for a man to reach that level of evil and then be able to control himself and refrain from falling into that great sin, which is as nothing compared to the anger and wrath of Allaah and the corruption that it causes, all just for the sake of the short-lived pleasure that the sinner is trying to achieve, which will be followed by never-ending regret.

The Muslim has to understand things as they are and what they lead to, and not be tempted by the things that the Shaytaan makes attractive, or be deceived when the Shaytaan tries to make him think of evil actions as insignificant as a trick to make people join his party of losers. He has to fear Allaah his Lord in private and in public, and know that Allaah sees him and knows his intentions and his actions, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Allaah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the breasts conceal" [Ghaafir 40:19]

He should remember that what is with Allaah is better and more lasting, and that the Hereafter and its blessings are better for him than this world, and that the reward for being patient in abstaining from evil actions is Paradise as vast as the heavens and the earth, in which there is whatever a person could want of absolute and untainted pleasure.

For more information on the ruling please see question no. 27259

Secondly:

Anal intercourse, if done with a man, is homosexuality which is condemned in the Qur'aan and Sunnah.

It was one of the causes of the destruction of a nation, namely the people of Loot, the Prophet of Allaah.

With regard to anal intercourse with a woman: if this is with one's wife, it is not permissible, and is known as "lesser sodomy", so how about if it is with a woman who is not permissible for him?

(a) What was narrated concerning sodomy:

Ibn Hazam said:

The action of the people of Loot is a major sin and a forbidden immoral action, like eating pork, dead meat and blood, drinking alcohol, committing adultery, and all other sins. Whoever regards it as permissible or regards any of the things we have mentioned as permissible is a kaafir and a mushrik, whose blood may be shed and whose wealth may be seized. Al-Muhalla, 12/389

Ibn Qudaamah said:

The scholars are unanimously agreed that sodomy is forbidden. It was condemned by Allaah in His Book, and by the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And (remember) Loot (Lot), when he said to his people: `Do you commit the worst sin such as none preceding you has committed in the `Aalameen (mankind and jinn)?

Verily, you practise your lusts on men instead of women. Nay, but you are a people transgressing beyond bounds (by committing great sins)'"

[al-A'raaf 7:80]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "May Allaah curse those who do the deed of the people of Loot, may Allaah curse those who do the deed of the people of Loot, may Allaah curse those who do the deed of the people of Loot."

Al-Mughni, 9/59

Ibn al-Qayyim narrated from his shaykh Ibn Taymiyah and from others that there was consensus among the Sahaabah that the one who does the deed of the people of Loot should be put to death, but they differed as to how that should be done.

Zaad al-Ma'aad, (5/40). For more details on the ruling see also question no. 10050.

(b) What was narrated concerning anal intercourse with a woman:

Anal intercourse with a woman is a major sin, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed the one who does that.

Abu Dawood (2162) narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Cursed is the one who has intercourse with his wife in her back passage." Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. This curse applies to one who has anal intercourse with his wife, so how about if the woman is a stranger (non-mahram) to him?

Al-Tirmidhi (135) narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever has intercourse with a menstruating woman or with a woman in her back passage, or who goes to a soothsayer, has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)." Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

If a man and wife agree to anal intercourse and do not stop after being punished (with a ta'zeer punishment), then they are to be separated.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was asked about a man who has intercourse with his wife in her back passage.

He replied:

Having anal intercourse with a woman is haraam, according to the Qur'aan and Sunnah, and this is the view of the majority of earlier and later scholars. Indeed, this is "lesser sodomy". It was proven that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Allaah is not too shy to tell the truth. Do not have intercourse with women in their back passages." And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth, when or how you will"

[al-Baqarah 2:223]

The tilth (harth) is the place from which the child is born [the vagina], because the tilth is the place of planting and sowing. The Jews used to say that if a man had intercourse with his wife from behind, the child would be born with a squint, then Allaah revealed this verse, and Allaah allowed the man to have intercourse with his wife in all positions, so long as it is in the vagina only. Whoever has intercourse with her in her back passage, and she obeys him in that, they should both be punished, and if they do not stop, then they should be separated, as an immoral man and the person with whom he commits immoral actions should be separated, and Allaah knows best. Al-Fataawa al-Kubra, 3/104, 105

With regard to having intercourse with a non-mahram woman in her back passage, the scholars differed as to whether this is zina (fornication) or sodomy.

See al-Mabsoot, 9/77; al-Faakihah al-Dawaanah, 2/209; Mughni al-Muhtaaj, 5/443; al-Insaaf, 10/177; al-Furoo', 6/72

The view favoured by Shaykh al-Sa'di (may Allaah have mercy on him) is that having intercourse with a non-mahram woman in her back passage is considered to be zina (fornication). He said: Zina means having an unlawful sexual relationship in the front passage or the back passage. Manhaj al-Saalikeen, p. 239.

We ask Allaah to keep us safe from evil and to purify our hearts of evil thoughts, and to help us to be steadfast in adhering to His religion and obeying His commands. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

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27259: Ruling on the things that lead to zina _ kissing, touching and being alone together

Question:

What is the ruling on one who is intimate with women but does not commit zina, i.e. kissing etc?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Zina (adultery, fornication) does not refer only to penetration, rather there is the zina of the hand, which is touching that which is forbidden, and the zina of the eyes, which is looking at that which is forbidden, even though zina that is committed with the private parts, is the zina which is punishable with the hadd punishment.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Allaah has decreed for every son of Adam his share of zina, which he will inevitably commit. The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the tongue is speaking, one may wish and desire, and the private parts confirm that or deny it."

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5889; Muslim, 2657.

It is not permissible for the Muslim to long for the things that lead to zina, such as kissing, being alone, touching and looking, for all these things are haraam and lead to the greater evil which is zina.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)"

[al-Isra' 17:32]

Looking at that which is forbidden is one of the arrows of the Shaytaan, which leads a person to doom, even if he did not do it intentionally at first. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is AllAware of what they do.

And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)"

[al-Noor 24:30-31]

Think about how Allaah connects the issue of lowering the gaze with the issue of protecting the private parts (guarding one's chastity) in these verses, and how lowering the gaze is mentioned first, before protecting the private parts, because the eye influences the heart.

Shaykh `Abd al-`Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

In these two verses, Allaah commands the believing men and women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, which is because of the serious nature of zina and what it leads to of great corruption among the Muslims. Letting one's gaze wander freely is one of the causes of sickness in the heart and the occurrence of immoral actions, whereas lowering the gaze is one of the means of keeping oneself safe from that. Hence Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is AllAware of what they do."

[al-Noor 24:30]

Lowering one's gaze and guarding one's chastity is purer for the believer in this world and in the Hereafter, whereas letting one's gaze wander freely and not guarding one's chastity are among the greatest causes of doom and punishment in this world and in the Hereafter. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound.

Allaah tells us that He is All-Aware of what people do, and that nothing is hidden from Him. This is a warning to the believer against doing that which Allaah has forbidden and turning away from that which Allaah has prescribed for him, and it is a reminder to him that Allaah sees him and knows all that he does, whether it is good or otherwise. As Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Allaah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the breasts conceal"

[Ghaafir 40:19]

End quote. From al-Tabarruj wa Khataruhu.

The Muslim has to fear his Lord in secret and in public, and keep away from that which Allaah has forbidden of being alone with a member of the opposite sex, looking, shaking hands, kissing and other haraam actions which lead to the immoral action of zina.

The sinner should not be deceived into thinking that he will not commit zina and that he will stop at these haraam actions and not go that far, for the Shaytaan will never leave him alone. There is no hadd punishment for these haraam actions, such as kissing etc., because the hadd punishment is only for intercourse (zina), but the judge may punish him with a ta'zeer punishment to deter him and others like him from committing these sins.

Ibn al-Qayyim said:

Ta'zeer punishments may be prescribed for every sin for which there is no hadd punishment or specific expiation (kafaarah), for sins are of three kinds: those for which there is a hadd punishment but no kafaarah is required; those for which kafaarah is required but there is no hadd punishment; and those for which there is neither a hadd punishment nor kafaarah. The first type includes such crimes as stealing, drinking alcohol, zina and slander. The second includes having intercourse during the day in Ramadaan, or when in ihraam. The third type includes having intercourse with a slave woman who is owned jointly with someone else, kissing a non-mahram woman and being alone with her, entering the public baths without a waist wrapper, eating dead meat, blood and pork, and so on.

I'laam al-Muwaqqa'een, 2/77

The person who has committed any of these actions has to repent to Allaah, for whoever repents Allaah will accept his repentance, and the one who repents is like one who did not sin.

One of the greatest means of expiation for such sins is offering the five daily prayers regularly and on time. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The five daily prayers, and from one Jumu'ah to the next, and from one Ramadaan to the next, expiates for the sins that come in between, so long as you avoid major sins." Narrated by Muslim, 1/209

And Allaah knows best.

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34841: Men and women talking in chat rooms

Question:

I am a sister, who usually logs in to Paltalk and then goes to the Islamic rooms so that I may gain some knowledge related to our religion. Sometimes while I am in one of those Islamic rooms in Paltalk,a muslim brother(looking for a wife) in the room asks me to have a private written chat with him so that we get to know one another. Some of the questions he asks me are: where i live, my age, whether i am married(by the way I am not married), if I am planning to get marry, whether I live with my parents, and so on. My problem is, I don't know whether I am allowed(Islamicly) to give non-muharim brother those kinds of informations which related to me.

Is it really SIN to talk to a brother in writing ??.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

There is nothing wrong with a Muslim woman making use of the internet and entering the Paltalk website for that purpose, so long as that does not lead to anything that is forbidden in Islam, such as talking privately with men. That is because talking to men may turn into chat which usually leads temptation. Hence it is essential to be strict and avoid that, seeking the pleasure of Allaah and fearing His punishment.

How often have these conversations lead to bad results, and even caused people to fall in love, and have led some to do things that are even more serious than that. The Shaytaan makes each of them imagine attractive qualities in other, which leads them to develop an attachment that detrimental to their spiritual welfare and worldly affairs.

Sharee'ah blocks all the ways that may lead to fitnah (temptation, trial), hence it forbids softness of speech and does not allow a man to be alone with a non-mahram woman. Undoubtedly these private chats are not regarded as khulwah in the sense that he people involved cannot see one another, but they are one of the greatest causes of fitnah as is well known.

What has happened to you is the best testimonial to the truth of what we are saying, because it is difficult for a man to ask these personal questions of a believing woman, unless he uses these means that are being used in a bad way.

Fear Allaah, and do not speak to non-mahram men. This is safer for your religious commitment and purer for your heart. You should note that marriage to a righteous man is a blessing from Allaah, and a blessing cannot be acquired by means of sin.

Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and women, if this correspondence is free from immorality and love?

He replied:

It is not permissible for any man to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that. A person may think that there is no fitnah, but the Shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded those who heard of the Dajjaal to keep away from him, and said that a man may approach him as a believer, but the Dajjaal will keep trying until he leads him astray.

Correspondence between young men and women involves a great deal of fitnah and danger, so we must avoid it, even though the questioner says that this correspondence is free from immorality and love.

From Fataawa al-Mar'ah, compiled by Muhammad al-Musnad, p. 96.

Undoubtedly correspondence via chat rooms is more dangerous than correspondence by mail, but both are bad.

And Allaah knows best.

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33702: He fell in love with a girl then he repented. Can he be friends with her?

Question:

A young Muslim man went to study aboard, far from his family. He got to know a Muslim girl and the relationship between them grew until it became love, and they touched one another and kissed, but they did not commit fornication (zina). He feels fear of Allaah and he asked her to change the relationship with him or to give it up because what they did is a sin. She understood that and said, "Let's remain friends and we will never speak of love again, we can just be friends." He feels that he has made a sacrifice for the sake of Allaah, because he loves her very much, but he feels that this is not enough to please Allaah. Is it permissible for him to speak to her as just a friend? How can he explain to her that he does not want to be selfish, because he loves her very much but his love for Allaah is greater?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Following the paths of fitnah is one of the reasons why Muslims fall into the traps of the Shaytaan. The rulings of Islam bar the way to many of these paths and warn against following them. Islam also warns against following in the footsteps of the Shaytaan.

One of these reasons or causes is Muslims travelling to kaafir countries and settling there either alone or with their families; studying in mixed universities and keeping company with immoral people who do not point him in the direction of good or warn him against evil; giving his faculties free rein to commit sin, such as letting his ears listen to singing or his eyes look at haraam things, and so on.

A man cannot protect himself unless he keeps away from these paths that lead to evil, and looks for the ways of peace and guidance with which his Lord is pleased.

Secondly:

We think that our brother is on the right track and is guided in sha Allaah, because he fears his Lord and has given up his relationship with this girl, after committing sin with her because of his following the paths of evil mentioned above.

The attitude of fearing Allaah is very important, and giving up one's desires for the sake of Allaah is something which no one can achieve except those who understand Tawheed truly, in whose hearts faith is alive and manifests itself in their physical actions.

But he has to remain steadfast in his actions, and not let the Shaytaan lead him down another path that will lead to the same result of committing haraam actions. There can be no friendship between him and this girl who is a stranger (non-mahram) to him. What this friendship leads to is well known, so he must not respond to her request. He should adhere to his stance and seek the help of Allaah, asking Him to guide him to the straight path and make him steadfast in following true guidance.

Thirdly:

If he really loves her, then the sound way that is prescribed in sharee'ah is for him to marry her; there is no other option. But if he thinks of marriage he should choose one who has a good character and is religiously committed, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised. If he does not marry her, then being friends with her will lead to him doing haraam things, as he himself says happened. Indeed, if the heart remains attached in this way, even if no physical immoral actions take place, it will still affect his heart and his relationship with Allaah and his submission to Him, in a way that is worse than committing physical immoral actions.

Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-`Uthaymeen said:

If it so happens that there is love between a man and a woman, the most effective means of warding off fitnah (temptation) and immorality is for them to get married, because his heart will still remain attached to her if he does not marry her, and that may lead to fitnah.

A man may hear that a woman has a good character, and that she is knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her; or she may hear that this man is of good character, knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she wants to marry him, but the communication between the two is not done in the proper Islamic manner _ this is very serious. In this case it is not permissible for the man to contact the woman or vice versa, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her guardian that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her guardian that she wants to marry him, as `Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and `Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both).

But if the woman gets in touch with the man directly, this is what leads to fitnah.

As'ilat al-Baab al-Maftooh, question no. 868.

And Allaah knows best.

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