Chapter 2
Manners of Speaking With Women
45668: Is what he did to find out about his fiancée correct?
Question:
I have a cousin (daughter of my maternal aunt) who
seems to be religiously committed and of good character, but
I do not know much about her personality and outlook
on life, or how well we would get along. I used the
internet as a means to get to know her, whilst being very
careful to adhere to proper etiquette, especially since we
come from a conservative family. Praise be to Allaah, I
reached the decision to marry her in sha Allah, but it may
take two years or more until I am ready, because I am still
a student in the last year of university.
My question is: Is what I did permissible? Especially
since it went on for nearly a year, because the customs
of marriage in our society do not allow one partner to get
to know the character of the other until they get
engaged, but after that if it becomes clear that the two are
not compatible and they cancel the engagement, that will
lead to problems and severing of family ties. I feel
worried about what I did and I am afraid that it may be
considered a sin or an act of treachery. It is permissible to
continue our correspondence until I come and propose marriage
to her?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible to correspond or converse with a
non-mahram woman. If a man intends to propose
marriage then he should follow the Islamically-prescribed
means of doing so. If the woman whom he wants to marry is
one of his relatives, then it should be more
straightforward because either he will knows about her or he will be
able to find out about her from the women of his own family.
It is not possible for a man or a woman to find out
about the real character of one another through
correspondence and conversing before marriage, because neither of
them will show anything but their best side.
Shaykh `Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen was asked:
If a man corresponds with a woman and they fall in
love, is this regarded as a haraam action?
He replied:
This action is not permitted, because it provokes
desire between them and makes them hope to meet and get
in touch. This often leads to temptation and sows the
seeds of zina in the heart, which leads to immoral actions or
the things that lead to them. We advise all those who want
to protect themselves to avoid corresponding and the
like, so as to protect their religious commitment and
their honour. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/578, 579
We have already stated that correspondence between
the two sexes is haraam, in the answers to questions no.
26890 and 10221.
It is permissible for the man who has proposed
marriage to look at his fiancée, without being alone with her
or shaking hands with her. So you could do the
marriage contract and delay consummation of the marriage, so
that your meeting with her will be acceptable according
to sharee'ah, and during this period you could focus
on getting to know her more and more.
In the answer to question no. 7492 there is an
important discussion of this matter.
See also the answers to questions no.
7757, 2572 and 20069 to find out more about the limits of the
relationship between a man and his fiancée. And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
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1497: Manners when talking to women
Question:
I have heard a ruling regarding the reasons a male
Muslims is allowed to speak to a Muslim female and want to
know if it is correct. It said that there are only five reasons
one may talk to her:
1. to ask how her family
2. for medical purposes
3. for financial purposes (e.g. in a shop)
4. to find out about her personality for marriage suitability
5. to give her dawah (Islamic knowledge).
Is this correct? If it is, please provide the evidence
from where the ruling is made (i.e. Daleel).
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The conditions for speaking to a woman to whom one
is not related are mentioned in the following
aayaat (interpretation of the meaning):
". . . And when you ask (his wives) for anything you
want, ask them from behind a screen; that is purer for
your hearts and for their hearts . . ." [al-Ahzaab 33:53]
". . . then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is
a disease should be moved with desire, but speak in
an honourable manner." [al-Ahzaab 33:32]
Ibn Katheer, may Allaah have mercy on him, said in
his Tafseer: "This means that they should not speak
softly. Allaah commanded them to speak in a concise
and decisive manner (i.e., they should be serious and brief
in their speech, and not be vague or talk aimlessly).
There should be no possible indication on the face that could
be taken to indicate any softness in the heart, as the
Arab women (before Islaam) used to do when speaking to
men, by making their voices soft like women who are
taking care of small children, or like prostitutes. Allaah
forbade women to do that.
The phrase "lest he in whose heart is a disease should
be moved with desire" means lest such a person should
hope for immoral deeds, indecency or romance. "Speaking
in an honourable manner" means speaking in a way that
does not go against Sharee'ah or offend people. Women
are encouraged when speaking to men to whom they are
not related and to mahrams among their in-laws to
be somewhat rough or abrupt in their speech, without
raising the voice, because they are commanded to lower
their voice.
Speaking with a woman to whom one is not related
(i.e., not mahram) should only be for a specific need, such
as asking a question, buying or selling, asking about the
head of the household, and so on. Such conversations
should be brief, with nothing doubtful in either what is said
or how it is said.
The idea of limiting speech with women to the
five instances mentioned in the question needs to
be approached with caution, because they could be taken
as examples instead of limits. One must also adhere to
the conditions set out by the Sharee'ah even in
instances where such conversations are necessary, such as
in da'wah, giving fatwas, buying or selling, etc. And
Allaah knows best.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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13791: He wants to talk to a woman before he
proposes marriage to her
Question:
I have never spoken to her, and generally do not speak
to women. We sometimes exchange salams.
How do I propose to her and approach her for
marriage, since I am a practising muslim, and do not talk to
sisters what is the best way?
Should I go and speak to her and get to know her
first, without stepping beyond the boundaries of Allah? or
shall I propose straight away?
I am afraid that because she does not really know
me, and that we are from different cultural backgrounds I
will be rejected instantly if I propose straight away
without getting to know her first.
Whilst on the other hand I fear that I am doing
something Un-islamic If I talk to her and get to know her.
I am in a difficult situation what is the best thing to do?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Note that it is permissible for a man to speak to a
non-mahram woman, subject to important guidelines
and conditions, the purpose of which is to prevent fitnah
and sin. These conditions include :
1- That it is not possible to speak to her through one
of her mahrams or through a woman who is his mahram.
2- That should be done without being alone with
her (khulwah).
3- That should not go beyond permissible topics.
4- There should be no fitnah (temptation). If his desire
is stirred by talking to her or if he starts to enjoy it, then it
is haraam.
5- The woman should not speak in a soft manner,
6- The woman should be wearing full hijaab and
be modest, or he should speak to her from behind a door.
It is better if they speak on the phone, and even better
if they communicate via letters or e-mail, for example.
7- That should not go beyond what is necessary.
If these conditions are met and there is no fear of
fitnah, then it is o.k. And Allaah knows best.
Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan said, in his answer on the
ruling about young men speaking to young women on
the telephone: "It is not permissible for young men to
speak to young women because of the fitnah involved,
unless the girl is engaged to the man who is talking to her,
and they talk only about matters pertaining to
their engagement; but it is preferable and safer for him to
speak to her guardian about that." (al-Muntaqa min
Fataawa al-Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan, 3/163, 164).
You have not proposed to this girl yet, so you have to
be very careful and avoid exposing yourself to the causes
of fitnah by taking all possible precautions to achieve
your goal without approaching this girl.
The basis for this is two aayahs from the Book of Allaah:
1 _ "O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any
other women. If you keep your duty (to Allaah), then be not
soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of
hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with
desire, but speak in an honourable manner"
[al-Ahzaab 33:32 _ interpretation of the meaning]
2 _ "And when you ask (his wives) for anything you
want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for
your hearts and for their hearts" [al-Ahzaab 33:53
_ interpretation of the meaning]
Finally I would like to remind you that the
Muslim's standards when choosing a wife should be the
standards encouraged by the Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he said:
"Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your
hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466).
And I warn you against everything that may lead you
into doing haraam things or bring you close to that, such
as being alone with her, going out with her, etc. I ask
Allaah to make it easy for you to find a woman who will
help you to obey Him.
Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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13819: Ruling on looking at a female employee for
work purposes
Question:
I'm a male college student that has begun the process
of looking for a job. Our school tells us that it is key,
when interviewing for a job, to look at the job recruiter in
the eyes, and not to stare at the ground or
otherthings. nowadays, woman are the the ones giving the
interviews and i was wondering if it is okay to look at her,
because she might not get the right impression of me if i stare
at the ground. please help, thanks?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The reason that you mention is not an excuse that
makes it permissible to look at non-mahram women. You
should seek halaal provision, and provision is in the hand
of Allaah; that which is with Allaah cannot be obtained
by disobeying Him. Rather Allaah has promised the
pious (those who fear Him and keep their duty towards
Him) that He will make a way for them to get out of
every difficulty and He will grant them provision from
(sources) they could never imagine, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to
Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from
every difficulty).
And He will provide him from (sources) he never
could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then
He will suffice him. Verily, Allaah will accomplish
his purpose. Indeed Allaah has set a measure for
all things"[al-Talaaq 65:2-3]
What your teacher has told you goes against the words
of Allaah:
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from
looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts
(from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily,
Allaah is AllAware of what they do"[al-Noor 24:30
_ interpretation of the meaning]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah beu
pon him) said in a saheeh hadeeth: "Avert your
gaze." (Narrated by Ahmad, 18715; Muslim, 2159). Who is
more deserving of being obeyed, Allaah and His Messenger,
or your teachers?!
So I advise you to adhere to taqwa and to keep away
from that which is haraam. Allaah will make it easy for you
by His Leave and His Bounty. You can find more
discussion on the rulings on looking at women in the answer
to Question # 1774. Please refer to this as it is important.
May Allaah give you strength and make things easy
for you.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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12608: An example of the dangers of internet chat
between the sexes
Question:
I have been using chat session for some time I am
a married woman mother of two. During one session
with a Male member, i got a little emotionally involved
and even went to the extent of sending my photo thru
email.I feel very guilty now and feel very ashamed of
my behaviour.I also want to say that i never once indulged
in immoral behaviour and any usage of bad language.
Please tell me if what i have done is Haram. I have been
asking for Almighty Allahs pardon since then. Could you
please help me out in this.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly, there is no doubt that such conversations, if
they lead to evil and to fitnah (temptation) _ as happened
to you when you were infatuated with this man _ are
haraam and are not permitted. Everything that leads to haraam
is also haraam. See the answer to Question # 6453.
Secondly: you have to repent to Allaah and seek
His forgiveness for doing this haraam thing. You have to
regret it and immediately stop engaging in chats with
non-mahram men on these channels. You have to ask
Allaah to cover your faults in this world and in the Hereafter.
We advise you to use your time in things that will benefit
you in your religious and worldly affairs, such as
learning about your religion, taking care of your husband
and looking after your children. Undoubtedly these are
things for which Allaah will reward you. And you have to do
a lot of righteous deeds, and get to know good women
so that you will have alternatives to harmful uses of
your time that bring no benefits. We ask Allaah to guide us
all and give us all strength.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
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13004: Warning and comment on the Peking
Women's Conference
Question:
What is the view of the Muslim scholars on the recommendations of the Peking Women's
Conference? What is the ruling on getting rid of all forms
of discrimination against women?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The fourth international conference on women has
been announced in the media, to be held from 9-20/4/1416
(4/10/1995) in Peking, the capital of China. I have read
a agenda prepared for this conference which includes
362 items in 177 pages, and the statements published by
a number of scholars in the Muslim world stating the
danger posed by this conference and the evil consequences it
will bring to humanity in general and the Muslims in
particular. It became clear to us, from the agenda mentioned
above, that this conference is a follow-up to the conference
on population and development which was held in Cairo
in Rabee' al-Thaani 1415 AH, concerning which
statements were issued by the Council of Senior Scholars and
the Founding Committee of the Muslim World League,
both of which were headed by myself. The two statements
both condemned the conference mentioned, because it
went against the religion of Islam and opposed Allaah and
His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him), and because it promoted promiscuity and the violation
of sanctities, and aimed to turn human societies into
herds of animals, so the conference should be boycotted… etc.
Now comes this conference which is along the same
lines as the Cairo conference, focusing on the equality of
men and women in all areas. The proposals of the
document referred to above have been adopted by the
General Secretariat of the United Nations on the basis of
principles of kufr and misguided means of achieving that,
including the following:
Calling for the abolition of any law that
distinguishes between men and women on the grounds of
religion; calling for promiscuity in the name of "practising
safe sex"; encouraging single-parent families; educating
the youth, boys and girls, about sexual matters;
fighting discrimination between men and women; calling
upon young men and women to destroy the differences
between the two sexes that are based on religion; telling them
that religion is an obstacle to equality… and other
obvious examples of kufr and misguidance that are mentioned
in the document. This plot is against Islam and the
Muslims, and indeed against humanity as a whole, to rid it
of chastity, modesty and honour.
Hence it is obligatory for the Muslim authorities and
all those to whom Allaah has given power over the
Muslims' affairs, to boycott this conference and to take the
necessary measures of preventing its evils from reaching
the Muslims. They must present a united front against
this immoral assault. The Muslims must take
precautions against the plots of the plotters and the hatred of
those who hate.
We ask Allaah to foil the plots of our enemies and
turn them against them. We ask them to bring these efforts
of theirs to naught, and to give the Muslims and their
leaders the strength to do what is in their best interests. May
He reform them, men and woman alike, and grant
them happiness and salvation in this world and in the
Hereafter, for He is the One Who is Able to do that. May
Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad and his family
and companions, and grant them peace.
Majmoo' Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutawwi'ah li
Samaahat al-Shaykh al-`Allaamah `Abd al-`Azeez ibn
`Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him), vol. 9,
no. 203 (www.islam-qa.com)
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6118: He is being taught by a female teacher _ what
should he do?
Question:
I am a high school student and my question is: What
can I do about the women at my school? They are my
teachers and class mates and I have to talk to them and look
at them.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We put this question ( What should medical students
do in lectures given by female teachers? ) to Shaykh
`Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him), who
replied as follows:
People like these students have no other option, so
they have to try hard to lower their gaze, protect
themselves and keep away from temptation which could lead
them into haraam actions. If he notices that he is starting
to slip towards something haraam, he should stop
attending the lecture.
And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Shaykh `Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen (www.islam-qa.com)
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7576: Muslim women giving talks in gatherings where
non-mahram men are present
Question:
is it allowed for a brother to organise i talk and the
speaker is a sister. the issue is on women in islam but the sister
is talking to every on (brothers and sister)i thought it's
not but the organisors say it is allowed but they ask
for evidence is there any on this issue
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We put this question to Shaykh `Abd-Allaah ibn
Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) who answered as follows:
In our opinion this is not permissible except in cases
of necessity, and on the condition that the men cannot
see her. There should be a screen between her and them,
and she should not soften her voice too much, because
her voice may be `awrah. Women are not allowed to
say Tasbeeh out loud in the prayer _ if the imaam makes
a mistake _ instead they are commanded to clap [to
draw the imaam's attention to a mistake], lest their voices
be recognized.
Shaykh `Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen
At this point we would ask the brothers who are
organizing these lectures: what need is there for a woman to give
a lecture in front of a group of people which includes
men? We hope that the answer will not be because they want
to prove that Islam does not oppress women or to prove
that they are open-minded and enlightened! Or any other
weird and mistaken reasons that can never be used to
justify opening the doors to fitnah (temptation) which Islam
seeks to shut firmly. We constantly repeat our advice:
organize your activities within the framework of sharee'ah.
And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path. And Allaah
knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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12085: He speaks improperly with a woman, with
the excuse that he is teaching her
Question:
I am a girl who has been on the Internet for a short
time, but I have noticed that some people are very
confused and they mix truth with falsehood. From the way some
of them speak, they appear to be good and pious, but
some of the things they do are very strange. When I first
starting going on the Internet, some of the sites I went to
were chat rooms. I admit that this was a mistake on my
part, but I have put matters right, alhamdu-Lillaah. I
stopped going into chat rooms two weeks after I started. But
whilst I was visiting chat rooms I got to know a man who,
from what he says, appears to be righteous and pious, and
keen to pursue good. He tries to put right whatever he can,
and he sends out letters containing words of
religious exhortation by e-mail to everyone he knows. He goes
into chat rooms on the basis of the belief and principle that
he adheres to, which is that good people should be
present in these sites, in which there are a lot of bad people,
in order to crowd out the bad people. The main thing is
that I stopped going to the chat rooms, but I continued
to communicate with him by e-mail. He was trying
to persuade me that I had to go to the chat rooms in order
to reform the women, because women are closer to
other women, especially on sites where there are so
many women that the "wolves" are tempted to come and
"hunt" them. I did not respond to his request because I
knew how damaging it is to go to those sites where the
evil outweighs the good. The way he spoke to me in his
letters was very respectful and he was very selective in the
words he chose; I was equally careful in the way I spoke to
him. This encouraged me to ask him to teach me the basics
of the Internet via e-mail, or, if that was not possible,
via "messenger". He agreed to do that via "messenger"
so we started the lessons, and he carried on being
respectful and serious. But I noticed that sometimes he would
joke or get carried away in talking about matters that
had nothing to do with the lesson, which he called
educational topics. And he also asked about some personal
matters such as the city where I live, etc. I knew that he was
in touch with a group of women with whom he
discussed educational matters and the state of the Muslims,
etc., and that these discussions might go on for hours. I
did not like this state of affairs and I told him that frankly.
I also told him that this joking was not permitted, and
that he should be formal when speaking with women, and
not use certain phrases. He quoted as evidence that it
is permissible to speak with women the fact that the
shaykhs answer questions from women; and he quoted as
evidence that it is permissible to joke the hadeeth "No old
women will enter Paradise" _ meaning that the Prophet
SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was
joking with that old woman when he said that to her. He
said that being too formal and reserved may lead to the
opposite result. I was not convinced by his arguments,
because from the little knowledge that I have, this is not
permitted. I asked him to complete the lessons via e-mail and not
to use the "messenger", and until now he has not replied
at all. I find it strange and wonder how he could do
that when he has reached such a high level of knowledge
and religious commitment, as well as being haafiz
al-Qur'aan (i.e., he has memorized the Qur'aan by heart). I want
to point out that this is a subtle trap that is one of the
snares of the Shaytaan, by means of which he confuses
people. What is the final word on this problem? Please
excuse me for writing such a long question. May Allaah
reward you with good.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
You should cut off all contact with this man
immediately, and make use of books and educational web-sites so
that you will have no need to consult him. Make sure that
you yourself do not become a means of misguiding a
daa'iyah or haafiz in the first place by doing something that
is wrong. We ask Allaah to guide us, you and him, and
to make us all steadfast.
Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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3396: He wants to talk to a girl without saying
anything improper
Question:
What type of love affair is allowed in Islam? Can I talk
to her privately or write without any sexual insinuation?
Or, can I tell her that I like her? And if my parents
disagree, Do I still possess the right to marry her?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The kind of love that is permissible is that which
arises in a person's heart without there being any intention
to do something haraam such as looking or mixing etc.
As far as talking or writing to the girl is concerned, if
this will lead to haraam actions or there is the fear that it
may do so, then it is not permitted.
In general terms, we advise you not to do that, because
it may start off innocently and in a proper manner,
then develop in such a way that it makes a person do
something haraam. If your parents do not want you to marry
this girl, then try to convince them, and if you cannot,
then look for someone else, because there may be
something good in that although you may not realize it.
Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh (www.islam-qa.com)
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10221: What is the ruling on girls corresponding
with boys?
Question:
Many young girls correspond with boys, and they
write in their letters things that I would not dare to write
or mention to you. This phenomenon is widespread in
this society. Hence we earnestly hope that you can do us
the favour of writing to us a letter in which you tell us
the answer to this problem, with evidence (daleel) and
proof. I have told many of them about how serious this
matter is, but I cannot do much and I do not have deep
knowledge, so I failed to convince them despite my repeated attempts.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. One of the essential aims of
sharee'ah is to protect people's lineage and honour. For this
reason, Allaah has forbidden zinaa and ordered that it be
punished by whipping or stoning. And He has forbidden the
means that may lead to zinaa, such as a man being alone with
a non-mahram woman, sinful looks, and women
travelling without a mahram or going out of their homes
wearing perfume and make-up, clothed yet naked, seeking thus
to attract young men and provoke their desires and
tempt them away from their religious commitment. This
also includes a man speaking to a woman in a deceitful
manner, and her speaking to him in a soft voice so as to tempt
him and provoke his desire, so that he will fall in her trap
_ whether this is done in person, over the phone,
via correspondence or in some other manner. For this
reason, Allaah forbade the wives of the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him), even though they
were good and pure, to make a display of themselves in
the manner of the first Jaahiliyyah, or to speak in soft
voices so as to provoke the desire of those in whose hearts was
a disease; and He commanded them to speak in a
manner that was honourable. Allaah said (interpretation of
the meaning):
"O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any
other women. If you keep your duty (to Allâh), then be not
soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of
hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with
desire, but speak in an honourable manner.
And stay in your houses, and do not display
yourselves like that of the times of ignorance…" [al-Ahzaab
33:31-32]
So Muslim youths must fear Allaah, protect their
chastity and lower their gaze. They should refrain from
speaking or writing any obscene words of immoral romance
or deceit. Muslim girls are obliged to do likewise, to
remain chaste and not to go out wearing make-up, clothed
yet naked.
It was reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "There are two types of
the people of Hell that I have not seen yet: men with
whips like the tails of cattle, with which they strike the
people, and women who are clothed yet naked, walking with
an enticing gait, with something on their heads that
looks like the humps of camels, leaning to one side. They
will never enter Paradise or even smell its fragrance,
although its fragrance can be detected from such and such
a distance." (Narrated by Ahmad and by Muslim in
al-Saheeh).
If young men and women obey Allaah and His
Messenger, and rise above worldly matters, keeping away from
fitnah and sources of suspicion, that will be better for them,
purer for their hearts and better for their reputations and
their societies. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
From Fataawaa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah, 12/381-381
(www.islam-qa.com)
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6453: Men and women talking to one another on
the internet within the limits of good manners
Question:
Well a year from now one of my friend, a girl,
had introduced me to one of her online brother..and we
have been talkin online for about a year now. Its not like
we have ever talked about anything indecent, we talk in
a well respected manner, and he sometimes jokes around,too. We both are aware of our religion..and
we know how it is haraam to have girlfriends or
boyfriends. But over time we both hav grown interested in each
other.. and he has told me that he wants to marry me, but
right now is too soon, i m only 16 and will be 17 in 2
months... the situation is too hard to explain...and i am
really confused on what should be done..and what shouldnt.
I really dont want to do anything that is Haraam or
isnt right.. and i do have faith in Allah..that if he is good
for me oneday we will be together... So i just needed
some advice on this.. is talkin to a non-mahram guy
online wrong?.. And this is the only way we know each
other which is through internet...we havent met..but we
have seen each other's pictures.. Well i hope all this
makes sense to you..and you will be able to help me out
here, cause right now i really need it.. i have been lookin
through ur site and trying to learn more about our religion..and
it is mashallah a good source.. but me still
confused..about this situation... we havent done anything wrong..just
talk online.. and hoping that Allah will guide us to be
together... but the question that keeps coming up on my mind is
if Islaamicaly is all this acceptable.. i have talked to
other ppl..and he has talked to people too..and some say
its wrong...and some say its ok as long as our niyyat is
good and we havent done anything wrong.
please give me some advice here..thank you.. khuda hafiz
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is known in the religion of Allaah that it is forbidden
to follow in the footsteps of the Shaytaan. Everything
that could lead a person to fall into haraam things is
also haraam, even if in principle it is originally permitted.
This is what the scholars call "the principle of warding
off harm."
Concerning this matter, Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps
of Shaytaan." [al-Noor 24:21].
With regard to the second matter, He says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And insult not those whom they (disbelievers)
worship besides Allaah, lest they insult Allaah wrongfully
without knowledge…" [al-An'aam 6:108]
Here Allaah forbids the believers to insult the
mushrikeen lest that leads to them insulting the Lord, may He
be glorified and exalted.
There are many examples of this principle in
sharee'ah. Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on
him) mentioned many of them and explained them well in
his excellent book A'laam al-Muwaqqi'een. (See
3/147-171 thereof).
The issue under discussion here also comes under
this category. Conversation _ whether verbally or in writing
_ between men and women is permissible in and of
itself, but it may be a way of falling into the traps of the Shaytaan.
Whoever knows that he is somewhat weak, and is
afraid that he may fall into the traps of the Shaytaan, has to
refrain from such conversations, in order to save himself.
Whoever is sure that he will be able to remain
steadfast, then we think that it is permissible in his case, but
there are certain conditions:
The conversation should not be allowed to wander
too far from the topic being discussed; or it should be for
the purposes of calling others to Islam.
They should not let their voices be soft, or use soft
and gentle expressions.
They should not ask about personal matters that have
no bearing on the matter being discussed, such as how old
a person is, how tall he or she is, or where he or she
lives… etc.
Other brothers (in the case of men) or sisters (in the
case of women) should take part in the conversation or
read the correspondence, so that the Shaytaan will find no
way to enter the hearts of the people who are conversing
or corresponding.
The conversation or correspondence must be
halted immediately if the heart starts to stir with feelings
of desire.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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1121: Limits and conditions within which a man may
speak to a non-mahram woman
Question:
My question is about the adab or the manner between
a brother and sister?
I need clarifcation, are we allowed to give salam to
sister who is not your muhram or talk to her as you talk to
a brother, and how much you allowed to talk? and
what about the non-muhram who are cousine, for example
the uncles daughter Am I allowed to give salam and talk
to her, and how is her life?please provide for me daleel(proof) and what about marriage? what
allowed talk and salam, ( what is allowed and not) all these
things! because today people mixed between culture and
deen, when you tell them about that they say you are
bringing new religon!, even alot brothers who relgious don't
know this, you may see salafy brother talking weetlgy to
sister who were nikab and not his muhram,
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
In brief, what the fuqaha' have said about women's
voices is that they are not `awrah in and of themselves, and
there is nothing wrong with listening to them when there is
a need to do so, so they do not forbid listening to them,
but certain conditions apply, as follows:
The woman should speak without elongating the
words, making her voice soft, or raising her voice. It is
haraam for a man to listen with enjoyment, for fear of
fitnah (temptation).
The decisive factor for knowing what is haraam in
the matter of women's speaking is what is included in
the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):
"O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any
other women. If you keep your duty (to Allaah), then be not
soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of
hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery, etc.) should be moved
with desire, but speak in an honourable manner."
[al-Ahzaab 33:32]
What is forbidden is being too soft in speech. It
is obligatory for women to speak in an honourable
manner, which means, as the mufassireen explained, that
they should not make their voices soft when addressing
men. In conclusion, what is required of the Muslim
woman when she speaks to a non-mahram man is that she
should adhere to what is mentioned in this aayah. She
should refrain from what is forbidden and should fulfil her
duties. She should speak only when necessary, and only
about matters that are permissible and honourable, not
evil. Between a woman and a non-mahram man there
should be no intonation, gestures, chat, joking, flirting or
playful talk, so that there will be no room for provocation
of desires and doubts. Women are not prevented from
talking to non-mahram men when it is necessary to do so,
such as dealing directly with them when buying things
or conducting any other financial transaction, because in
such cases it is necessary for both parties to speak. A
woman may also ask a scholar about some legal Islamic
matter, or a man may ask a woman such questions, as is
proven in various texts of the Qur'aan and Sunnah. Within
the guidelines described above, there is nothing wrong
with a woman speaking to a non-mahram man. It is
also permissible for men to greet women with salaam and
vice versa, according to the most correct opinion, but
this greeting must be free of anything that may provoke
desire in the person in whose heart is a disease, so as to be
safe from fitnah and pay attention to the regulations
outlined above.
If there is fear of fitnah being provoked by this
greeting, then the woman should refrain from either initiating
or returning the greeting, because warding off fitnah
by neglecting the greeting is warding off mischief,
and warding off mischief takes precedence over
doing something useful.
(See al-Mufassal fi Ahkaam al-Mar'ah by `Abd
al-Kareem Zaydaan, vol 3/276). And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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