Chapter 4

Transactions

Marriage: Conditions of Marriage

43483: Obstacles to a Christian woman marrying a Muslim man

Question:

I allready posted my question yesterday, but in the section "submit feedback" because I didn't understand why this link wasn't working. Her followes my problem/question: My boyfriend is a Muslim and has problems with his parents accepting me. They never even have met me, but his mother allready said to him several times that if he doesn't leave me, he will never set a foot in their house again, she has treatend that they will cut him off. I don't know what his father thinks, he talkes to his mother most of the time. (I understand that talking to a father is often difficult in the Muslim culture) I know that Muslims can mary Christians and Jews if the're chaste, and I know that his parents aren't permitted to cut him off just because they don't approve of this, but what are we to do when even talking about it is out of the question ? What am I to do when they judge me before they even got to know me ? We are boy- and girlfriend and that isn't acceptable in Islam, but we would like to mary. (Our kids will be raised as Muslims and I'm planning to learn more about the Islam so that there's no confusion) My boyfriend doesn't want to hurt anyone, especially not his parents, he has great respect for them. He can't make his parents see that he loves me so much and that I'm a good girl. Also I can't help him and talk to them, because he said that it's not allowed to bring a woman/girl into his parents house. How can I help him with this ? Why is't talking about it possible ? How can you solve problems when you can't even have a discussion ? Didn't Allah create people so they would know one another ? I believe in God/Allah, I'm trying to be a good person and pray every day. My parents raised me as a christian, but sinds I got to know a little bit about the Islam I can't believe in the christian's ways anymore. I think that the Islam is for me, but my boyfriend and I agreed that we concentrate on this when our problem _ accepting of his parents of us - is solved. I want my relation with Allah to be pure and not being influenced by other things; A boyfriend can not be the reason why I should accept the Islam in my life, can it ? Am I to blame when I accept the islam _ and keep on believing in Allah as I do now- to make things easyer for us, because the parents want that. I know a good Muslim not only thinks about him-/her-self and has to think about all the people around him/her, but I can't accept the fact that our love has to end, just because his parents want this. Is this the will of Allah ?

Please give us advise on what to do. Why can't they talk to me ? How can we make them understand that they cannot judge before they even know me ? And do you have any advise for him, is it going to be a very difficult dicision.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah. We ask Allaah to guide you and to show you the right path, for He is Able to do that.

Firstly:

We thank you for submitting your question to this Islamic website, which indicates that you have trust and are keen to find out the correct answer.

Secondly:

A number of the things that you find strange, as mentioned in your question, are regarded by us Muslims as normal, whereas others find them objectionable.

The reason is well known among the Muslims: the attitude of worldview of the Muslim is based on full submission to the rulings of Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and total obedience to Allaah, the Creator, the Provider, the Giver of life and death, because He has enjoined that upon us, and He knows best what is right for us.

For example: you find it very strange that your boyfriend's parents denounce the relationship between you, because according to the way you were brought up and what you are used to in the non-Islamic society in which you live, you think that this relationship is something natural and normal, in which two human souls come together and feel at ease with one another and satisfy their physical inclinations; he does things for you and you do things for him in return, and he speaks softly to you and you speak softly to him, and you can exchange gifts, etc.

Islam does not forbid kind words, good treatment and gift-giving, but a Muslim man should not be alone with a non-mahram woman [i.e., one who is not a close blood relative] and be intimate with her outside the framework of marriage, because the evil consequences and harm that that leads to, such as loss of chastity, committing zina (unlawful sexual relationship), the violation of honour, conception of illegitimate children and confusion of lineage, are far worse than nice relationships and the exchange of gifts.

If it were not for the intimacy you are seeking from one another, the nice treatment you are giving to one another would not have taken place.

Also if there is the firm intention and resolve to get married in the future and have children who will grow up as Muslims, that still does not justify this forbidden relationship which involves many things that are forbidden in Islam.

We wonder, if the relationship is so deep and strong, and you have the sincere intention of getting married, why don't you both repent from this forbidden relationship and immediately enter upon a proper, legitimate relationship as allowed in Islam, based on marriage which Allaah has prescribed.

The Islamic marriage contract is not something difficult or complicated, rather it is very easy. See question no. 2127 and 813 for more information about the marriage contract in Islam.

Thirdly:

It is not true that speaking to one's father is difficult among Muslims. There is no society that is more distinguished by its strong family ties than the Muslim societies. Indeed, a quick glance at the state of the family in the west will show that sons are far away from their parents and the parents' rights are not respected, let alone what that leads to of children being neglected and daughters being lost. Islam enjoins children to show respect to their parents, as non-Muslims who do not enjoy such a relationship realize. Because the mother tends to be gentle, loving and compassionate towards her children, and the father tends be to strict and take a rational and unemotional approach towards things, many children find it easier to talk to their mothers than to their fathers, especially with regard to emotional problems. But that does not mean that it is difficult for Muslims to talk to their fathers.

But some people may have been brought up in a way that was not entirely right, which may have affected some of their behaviour and attitudes, but only in a general sense. The Muslim is supposed to love his fellow-Muslim who is a stranger, so what about one who is close to him _ what about sons and fathers? Each of them should care about the interests of the other and love that which is best for him. This brings us to the second point: which is that his parents' objection to this marriage does not mean that they are trying to control their son and does not mean that they have judged you without seeing you. Rather any father _ and especially in a Muslim society _ wants the best life for his son, and because the father has greater experience of life and has lived longer, and he knows how things are, he does not want his son to do something reckless which he may later regret.

The father will try to keep his son away from everything that may be labeled a failure, so he does not want him to embark on something risky such as this marriage, because marriage in Islam is a strong relationship which does not just last for a limited time like the forbidden love of boyfriends and girlfriends; rather it is a relationship between the two spouses which should be ongoing and stable. So the choice (of a marriage partner) should only be made after much serious consideration and consultation with those who know more about life than we do. Naturally the difference of religion will be a cause of division between spouses, or will cause problems in the future, especially when children come along. We have heard of many such problems on this site.

Yes, Islam does not forbid a Muslim man to marry a chaste Christian or Jewish woman; Islam allows that, but it does not encourage it. Our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) urged us to choose a wife who is righteous, religiously committed and has a good attitude.

Hence the fact that his parents have rejected this marriage was not a hasty judgement, rather it was because they know how things are.

You may say, "My marriage to this man will be different, but they don't realize that."

Again I say: it will be different, but no father wants his son to go through an experience he does not need, especially when the current relationship between you is forbidden according to Islam.

Fourthly:

You ask, Will there by any blame on me if I accept Islam _ outwardly _ and continue to believe in Allaah as I do now?

The answer is that this is a serious matter. Our pure monotheistic religion cannot be toyed with, or used for personal motives. Hence one of the basic principles of this religion is:

"There is no compulsion in religion. Verily, the Right Path has become distinct from the wrong path. Whoever disbelieves in Taaghoot and believes in Allaah, then he has grasped the most trustworthy handhold that will never break"

[al-Baqarah 2:256]

If a person enters the religion of Allaah as a game with no serious intent, he deserves the curse of Allaah and he will be with the disbelievers, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Verily, the hypocrites will be in the lowest depth (grade) of the Fire"[al-Nisa' 4:145]

Fifthly:

This problem may be solved in several ways, the first, best and quickest of which is for you to start to learn what Islam really is, the comprehensive nature of this religion, and how it is in accordance with the sound nature of man.

So learn about the religion of Islam, for no other reason than to find out the truth and to get out of the vicious circle of confusing ideas and beliefs that go against sound nature and reason.

Then _ if you strive hard _ you will come to know the clear truth and the light of certain faith, and the matter of marriage will become easy for you _ if Allaah wills. There is nothing wrong with your marriage to this man being a reason for you finding out about Islam.

But if you take this first step, it is better and more appropriate than getting married and then thinking about Islam.

If the family consists of two Muslim spouses from the outset, then Allaah will bless it and care for it, and they will be the basis of a family that is beloved to Allaah, because it is Muslim.

Perhaps if you and your boyfriend announce that you have repented and get married according to Islamic sharee'ah, this will reduce his parents' worries and negative attitude.

If you tell them that you have entered Islam, then the One Who is more important than anyone else will be pleased with that, namely Allaah, may He be exalted. If you please Allaah, no matter whom you anger among your family, He will be pleased with you and will cause people to be pleased with you.

It may be appropriate _ but you need to think about this and choose the right time_ for you to visit his mother yourself, without your boyfriend being with you, so you can tell her that you are keen to enter Islam and repent from this forbidden relationship, and marry her son according to the laws of Allaah.

As we have mentioned above, Islam allows marriage to chaste non-Muslim women, so why not start to live a chaste and pure life, far away from any relationship that goes against that?

Your saying that your boyfriend cannot be the reason why you accept Islam is true in a sense, in that you will become Muslim not for love of this person but for love of the truth and love of Allaah Who has chosen Islam as the religion for mankind. The evidence for this is clear and does not need a strong emotional motive, because the evidence and proof of the truth is sufficient.

We must not forget, before ending this answer, to commend the phrase you used in your question, which is,

"Since I got to know a little bit about Islam I can't believe in the Christians' ways any more."

This indicates that you are very close to the truth and that your conviction is taking the right shape, and that truth and falsehood cannot reside together in your heart. This is a good sign.

Ask Allaah to guide you to the path of truth and to open your eyes to the light.

May Allaah guide you to the straight path. And Allaah knows best.

For more information please see questions no. 33656, 20884. 2527.

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48992: A new Muslimah has married a Muslim man without her family's knowledge

Question:

I am a Chinese girl married to a Lebanese Muslim man. The main reason for this is that I have become Muslim… we got married in the Islamic manner, but this marriage was done without the knowledge of our families, because of some difficult circumstances.

Do you think that this is haraam? I mean, is it against the Qur'aan [Qur'an, Quran]?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

The evidence from the Qur'aan [Qur'an, Quran] and Sunnah indicates that a woman should not get married without a wali (guardian) to look after her and protect her interests, lest she be deceived by the devils among men. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Wed them with the permission of their own folk (guardians, Awliyaa' or masters)" [al-Nisa' 4:25]

It was narrated from Abu Moosa al-Ash'ari that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There is no (valid) marriage without a wali (guardian)." Narrated by the five and classed as saheeh by Ibn al-Madeeni.

Al-Tirmidhi said: This is the correct view concerning this issue, based on the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), "There is no marriage without a wali (guardian)," according to the scholars among the companions of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), such as `Umar ibn al-Khattaab, `Ali ibn Abi Taalib, `Abd-Allaah ibn `Abbaas, Abu Hurayrah and others.

If one of your close male relatives is a Muslim, such as your father, brother, uncle or cousin, then he is your wali with regard to marriage, and your marriage is not valid without his permission and consent. He should do the marriage contract for you himself or appoint someone to do it on his behalf.

If all your close male relatives are non-Muslims, then a kaafir cannot be the wali (guardian) of a Muslim.

Ibn Qudaamah said: With regard to a kaafir, he cannot be the wali of a Muslim in any situation, according to scholarly consensus.

Ibn al-Mundhir said: Those from whom we acquired knowledge are unanimously agreed on that.

Imam Ahmad said: We have heard that `Ali allowed a marriage done by a brother, but he rejected a marriage done by a father who was a Christian. Al-Mughni, 7/356.

And a Muslim cannot be a guardian for the marriage of his kaafir children's marriage. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was asked about a man who had become Muslim; could he still be a wali for his children who were people of the Book?

He replied: He cannot be their guardian with regard to marriage, or with regard to inheritance. A Muslim cannot do the marriage contract for a kaafir woman, whether she is his daughter or anyone else. And a kaafir cannot inherit from a Muslim or a Muslim from a kaafir. This is the view of the four imams and their companions among the earlier and later generations. Allaah has severed the ties of guardianship between believers and disbelievers in His Book, and has decreed that they should have nothing to do with one another, and that the ties of wilaayah (guardianship) exist among the believers. (32/35) But a Muslim woman should tell her family about that and seek their approval, so that this will help to open their hearts to Islam.

The question here is: what should a Muslim woman who does not have a Muslim wali do?

The answer is:

A Muslim who is in a position of authority or status should do the marriage contract for her, such as the head of an Islamic centre, the imam of a mosque, or a scholar. If she cannot find anyone like this, then she should appoint a Muslim man of good character to do the marriage contract for her.

Shaykh al-Islam said: In the case of a woman who does not have a wali among her relatives, if there is in her locality a representative of the ruler or the chief of the village, or a leader who is obeyed, then he can do the marriage contract for her with her permission. (32/35).

Ibn Qudaamah said:

If a woman does not have a wali or a ruler, then there is a report narrated from Ahmad which indicates that a man of good character may do the marriage contract for her with her permission. (7/352).

Al-Juwayni said: If she does not have a wali present, and there is no (Muslim) ruler, then we know definitively that closing the door of marriage is impossible in sharee'ah, and whoever has any doubt about that does not have a proper understanding of sharee'ah. To suggest that the door of marriage may be closed is as bad as suggesting that people may be prevented from earning a living. Al-Ghayaathi 388. Then he stated that the ones who should do that (do marriage contracts for women who have no wali) are the scholars.

Conclusion:

If the marriage contract was done in this manner, and the imam of an Islamic Centre in your country or a Muslim man of good character did the marriage, then your marriage is valid. But if you did the marriage yourself (with no wali) then you have to go with your husband to the nearest Islamic centre and repeat the nikaah (marriage contract), and let the head of the centre, for example, be your wali in marriage.

With regard to your husband, he does not have to tell his family, because there is no stipulation that the husband should have a wali.

And Allaah knows best.

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45645: A realistic look at marriage to women of the People of the Book

Question:

Does a Muslim man have the right to marry a Christian or Jewish woman as the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married Maariyah al-Qibtiyyah?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not marry Maariyah al-Qibtiyyah, rather she was his concubine. The Muqawqis, the ruler of Egypt, gave her as gift to him after the Treaty of al-Hudaybiyah.

It is permissible to have intercourse with a slave woman, even if she is not Muslim, because she is part of "what one's right hand possesses," and Allaah has permitted "what one's right hand possesses" without stipulating that the slave woman be a Muslim. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)

6. Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their right hands possess,.. for then, they are free from blame" [al-Mu'minoon 23:5-6]

With regard to marrying a Christian or Jewish woman, this is permissible according to the text of the Qur'aan [Qur'an, Quran]. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Made lawful to you this day are AtTayyibaat [all kinds of Halaal (lawful) foods, which Allaah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits)]. The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends"

[al-Maa'idah 5:5]

Ibn al-Qayyim said:

It is permissible to marry a woman from the People of the Book. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"(Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste [muhsan] women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time" [al-Maa'idah 5:5]

Muhsan here means chaste; the same word is also used in Soorat al-Nisa' to describe married women, who are forbidden in marriage to anyone else. And it was said that the chaste women to whom marriage is permitted is free women, so slave women from the People of the Book are not permissible. However, the first view is the one which is correct, for several reasons…

The point is that Allaah has permitted us to marry chaste women from among the People of the Book, and the companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did that. `Uthmaan married a Christian woman, as did Talhah ibn `Ubayd-Allaah; and Hudhayfah married a Jewish woman.

`Abd-Allaah ibn Ahmad said: I asked my father about a Muslim man who married a Christian or Jewish woman. He said: I do not like for him to do it, but if he does, then some of the companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did that too.

Ahkaam Ahl al-Dhimmah, 2/794, 795.

Although we say that it is permissible, and we do not doubt that there is a clear text concerning that, nevertheless we do not think that a Muslim should marry a kitaabi woman (a woman of the people of the Book), for several reasons:

1 _ One of the conditions of marriage to a kitaabi woman is that she should be chaste, but there are very few chaste women to be found in those environments.

2 _ One of the conditions of marriage to a kitaabi woman is that the Muslim man should be in charge of the family. But what happens nowadays in that those who marry women from kaafir countries marry them under their laws, and there is a great deal of injustice in their systems. They do not recognize a Muslim's authority over his wife and children, and if the wife gets angry with her husband she will destroy his household and take the children away, with the support of the laws of her land and with the help of their embassies in most countries. It is no secret that the Muslim countries have no power to resist the pressure of those countries and their embassies.

3 _ The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged us to look for Muslim wives who are religiously committed. If a woman is Muslim but is not religiously committed and of good character, then the Muslim is not encouraged to marry her, because marriage is not simply the matter of physical enjoyment only, rather it is the matter of Allaah's rights and the spouse's rights, and preserving his household, his honour and his wealth, and bringing up his children. How can a man who marries a kitaabi woman be certain that his sons and daughters will be raised according to Islam when he is leaving them in the hands of this mother who does not believe in Allaah and associates others with Him?

Hence even though we say that it is permissible to marry a kitaabi woman, it is not encouraged and we do not advise it, because of the negative consequences that result from that. The wise Muslim should choose the best woman to bear his children and think in the long term about his children and their religious upbringing. He should not let his desire or worldly interests or transient outward beauty blind him to reality; true beauty is the beauty of religious commitment and good morals.

He should realize that if he forsakes these type of women for the sake of that which is better for his religious commitment and that of his children, Allaah will compensate him with something better, because "Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better than that, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us, the one who speaks the truth and does not speak of his own whims and desires. Allaah is the source of strength and the One Who guides to the Straight Path.

See also the answer to question no. 2527

And Allaah knows best.

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44695: Are the Jews and Christians who exist nowadays mushrikeen (polytheists) and is it permissible to marry their women?

Question:

What is the ruling on marrying a Jewish or Christian woman? Are the Jews and Christians of this age regarded as people of the Book or as mushrikeen?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Marriage to a Jewish or Christian woman is permissible according to the view of the majority of scholars. Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Mughni (7/99):

There is no difference of opinion among the scholars concerning the permissibility of marrying free women of the people of the Book. Among those from whom this view was narrated are `Umar, `Uthmaan, Talhah, Hudhayfah, Salmaan, Jaabir, and others.

Ibn al-Mundhir said: There is no sound narration from any of the earliest generation to suggest that this is haraam. Al-Khallaal narrated, with his isnaad, that Hudhayfah, Talhah, al-Jaarood ibn al-Mu'alla and Udhaynah al-`Abdi all married women from among the people of the Book. This was also the view of the rest of the scholars.

The main evidence concerning that is the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Made lawful to you this day are At Tayyibaat [all kinds of Halaal (lawful) foods, which Allaah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits)]. The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. And whosoever disbelieves in Faith, [i.e. in the Oneness of Allaah and in all the other Articles of Faith i.e. His (Allaah's) Angels, His Holy Books, His Messengers, the Day of Resurrection and Al Qadar (Divine Preordainments)], then fruitless is his work; and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers"

[al-Maa'idah 5:5]

What is meant by muhsanah (translated here as chaste) is free and chaste women. Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his Tafseer:

This is the view of the majority here, and this is what appears to be the case; lest she not only be a dhimmiyah but also unchaste, in which case she will be totally corrupt and her husband will end up as described in the proverb, "He bought bad dates and was cheated in weights and measures too". The apparent meaning of the verse is that what is meant by al-muhsanaat (chaste women) is women who refrain from zina, as Allaah says in another verse (interpretation of the meaning):

"they (the above said slave-girls) should be chaste [muhsanaat], not committing illegal sex, nor taking boyfriends"

[al-Nisa' 4:25]

The Christians and Jews are kuffaar and mushrikeen, according to the Qur'aan [Qur'an, Quran], but they are excluded from the prohibition on marrying their women, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And do not marry Al-Mushrikaat (idolatresses) till they believe (worship Allaah Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress), even though she pleases you"

[al-Baqarah 2:221]

This is the clearest way of reconciling between the two verses.

Allaah has described them as being mushrikeen as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

"They (Jews and Christians) took their rabbis and their monks to be their lords besides Allaah (by obeying them in things which they made lawful or unlawful according to their own desires without being ordered by Allaah), and (they also took as their Lord) Messiah, son of Maryam (Mary), while they (Jews and Christians) were commanded [in the Tawraat (Torah) and the Injeel (Gospel)] to worship none but One Ilaah (God — Allaah) Laa ilaaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He). Praise and glory be to Him (far above is He) from having the partners they associate (with Him)"

[al-Tawbah 9:31]

So they are kuffaar and mushrikeen, but Allaah has permitted us to eat their meat and to marry their women if they are chaste. This is an exemption from the general meaning of the verse in Soorat al-Baqarah.

But it should be noted that it is better and safer not to marry women of the people of the Book, especially nowadays. Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: "… as this is the case, it is better not to marry a woman of the people of the Book, because `Umar said to those who married women of the people of the Book: `Divorce them,' so they divorced them, except Hudhayfah. `Umar said to him: `Divorce her.' (Hudhayfah) said: `Do you bear witness that she is haraam?' He said: `She is a live coal, divorce her.' He said: `Do you bear witness that she is haraam?' He said: `She is a live coal.' He said: `I know that she is a live coal, but she is permissible for me.' A while later, he divorced her and it was said to him: `Why did you not divorce her when `Umar commanded you to?' He said: `I did not want the people to think that I had done something wrong (by marrying her).' Perhaps he was fond of her or perhaps they had a child together so he was fond of her."

Al-Mughni, 7/99

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: "If the woman of the people of the Book is known to be chaste and to keep away from the means that lead to immorality, it is permissible, because Allaah has permitted that and has permitted us to marry their woman and eat their meat.

"But nowadays there is the fear that those who marry them may be faced with much evil. They may call him to their religion and that may lead to their children being raised as Christians. So the danger is very real and very serious. To be on the safe side, the believer should not marry them. And in most cases there is no guarantee that the woman will not commit immoral actions, or bring along children from a previous relationship… but if the man needs to do that then there is no sin on him, so that he can keep himself chaste and lower his gaze by being married to her. He should strive to call her to Islam and beware of her evil and of allowing her to drag him or the children towards kufr."

Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/172

And Allaah knows best.

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12708: Is it acceptable to marry a girl who has not yet started her menses?

Question:

I have not yet reached the age of puberty. Is it correct that a girl could get married before her menses start, or is that just a traditional myth?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Marriage to a young girl before she reaches puberty is permissible according to sharee'ah, and it was narrated that there was scholarly consensus on this point.

1 _ Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And those of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the `Iddah (prescribed period), if you have doubt (about their periods), is three months; and for those who have no courses [(i.e. they are still immature) their `Iddah (prescribed period) is three months likewise"

[al-Talaaq 65:4]

In this verse we see that Allaah states that for those who do not menstruate _ because they are young and have not yet reached the age of puberty _ the `iddah in the case of divorce is three months. This clearly indicates that it is permissible for a young girl who has not started her periods to marry.

Al-Tabari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The interpretation of the verse "And those of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the `Iddah (prescribed period), if you have doubt (about their periods), is three months; and for those who have no courses [(i.e. they are still immature) their `Iddah (prescribed period) is three months likewise". He said: The same applies to the `idaah for girls who do not menstruate because they are too young, if their husbands divorce them after consummating the marriage with them.

Tafseer al-Tabari, 14/142

2 _ It was narrated from `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married her when she was six years old, and consummated the marriage with her when she was nine, and she stayed with him for nine years.

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4840; Muslim, 1422.

Ibn `Abd al-Barr said:

The scholars are unanimously agreed that a father may marry off his young daughter without consulting her. The Messenger of Allaah married `Aa'ishah bint Abi Bakr when she was young, six or seven years old, when her father married her to him.

Al-Istidhkaar, 16/49-50.

Secondly:

The fact that it is permissible to marry a minor girl does not imply that it is permissible to have intercourse with her, rather the husband should not have intercourse with her until she becomes able for that. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) delayed consummating the marriage to `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her).

And Allaah knows best.

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22760: Do I have to obey my father in choosing a husband, and how can I make him more even-tempered?

Question:

I have a question about marriage, my father believes that being Bengali, he's daughters should only get married to a Bengali man, the thing is, my dad likes to be a pillar of society and likes to have control over everything we do, Can you give me proof that it is ok for the daughters to choose who they get married to, despite whether they are Pakistani, Indian or Bengali, as long as he is good in terms of religion and suitability, my father believes that girl's haven't got the right to choos who they get married to, only he does, but I think the people he chooses are only chosen for the fact that they will give him a good name and because he they are Bengali. Is it possible for the girl to make her own choice in terms of who she gets married to if she finds a suitabaly compatible, religious and good man of a different nationality with similar status and wealth, even if her dad doesn't like him because of his nationality?

Also my father is very controlling, picking and choosing what he wishes to believe in terms of religion, he likes to show off his wealth and power and build his name, can you give me any supplications which will help to make him a more mild mannered and diplomatic man? I would be very grateful if you could help me in this matter.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The presence of the wali (guardian) is one of the conditions of marriage, and a woman's marriage is not valid unless this condition is met. This is the correct view and is the view of the majority of scholars. See question no. 2127.

The person who has the most right to be a woman's guardian is her father, but if it is proven that he is not qualified for this role then it moves to the next closest relative, such as her grandfather for example.

For more information on this issue, with evidence, please see question no. 7193 and 31119.

Secondly:

With regard to the conditions and qualities that should be present in the husband, the most important of these is religious commitment. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry [your daughter or female relative under your care] to him, for if you do not do that there will be fitnah (tribulation) on earth and much corruption." Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1005) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1084.

See also question no. 6942 and 5202.

Thirdly:

One of the shar'i conditions of marriage is the consent of the wife, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "A previously-married woman should not be married without consulting her and a virgin should not be married without asking her permission." They said, "O Messenger of Allaah, how does she give her permission?" He said, "If she remains silent." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4741; Muslim, 2543.

No one has the right to force a girl to marry anyone, but at the same time she does not have the right to get married without her guardian's permission.

The presence of the guardian is an important condition for a marriage to be valid, but a girl should not be forced into marrying someone who she does not want to marry, and she is not regarded as disobeying her parents in this case. Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] said: "The parents do not have the right to force their son to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses he is not being disobedient, like eating something that he does not want." Al-Ikhtiyaaraat, p. 344

Fourthly:

With regard to your father and the way he is, we offer the following advice:

(i) Make du'aa' for him in his absence. There is no specific du'aa', so pray to Allaah to reform him and open his heart.

(ii) Seek the help of some of your father's friends or relatives whom you trust to try to change him.

(iii) Give him some books or tapes in your language that will encourage him to have a good attitude and warn him against the opposite, and give them as a gift using a good approach when you do so. Allaah may make this a cause of his reforming.

We ask Allaah to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.

And Allaah knows best.

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40496: Ruling on marrying a women when she is menstruating

Question:

Is it permissible to enter into the marriage contract with a woman when she has her monthly period?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

The basic principle concerning that is that it is permissible. There is nothing to suggest that it is not allowed in the Qur'aan [Qur'an, Quran], Sunnah, scholarly consensus, words of the Sahaabah or correct analogy. I do not know of any scholar who regarded that as haraam or makrooh. But some of the fuqaha' regarded it as makrooh for a woman to have the wedding party if she is menstruating, lest her husband have intercourse with her at that time and thus fall into sin.

The common folk confuse the ruling on this matter with the ruling on divorcing a woman when she is menstruating; there is nothing in common between the two.

It is permissible to marry a woman when she is menstruating, according to consensus, and it is haraam to divorce a menstruating woman with whom one has had intercourse, according to consensus.

Shaykh Sulaymaan ibn Naasir al-`Alwaan

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22737: Announcing marriages

Question:

In reading a Q/A about marriage, the part of the answer stated to `announce marriages.'What is the reason behind this statement?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Announcing marriages is obligatory and the reason for that is:

1 _ The Sunnah enjoins this, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Announce this marriage."

Narrated by Ahmad and classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', 1072.

2 _ So as to distinguish the valid shar'i marriage that is enjoined by Islam from immorality, because zina is done secretly, whereas legitimate marriage is that which is proclaimed openly, so as to distinguish the one from the other. This is the wisdom behind announcing marriages.

Dr. Khaalid ibn `Ali al-Mushayqih (www.islam-qa.com)

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5333: Paying the girl's dowry with her brother's money

Question:

Suppose if a parents have Son and Daughter and after long search they found a husband for their daughters but bridegroom is requesting for a dowry but the parents are not affordable to pay them, so they try to get dowry for their son in order to pay for their daughter. Certainly they are not going to use this money except to give dowry for their daughter marriage.

I like to through some lights and give us proper guidence to handle this situation.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is very strange indeed that in some countries the dowry is paid by the bride or her family to the groom or his family. This is contrary to the Islamic principle, because the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded a man who was getting married to give a dowry even if it was an iron ring, and when he did not even have that, he made the dowry that he would teach her what he had memorized of the Qur'aan [Qur'an, Quran].

What is important is that in the marriage contract something should be mentioned as the dowry, even if it is little.

It was narrated that Sahl ibn Sa'd said: A woman came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: "I give myself to you (in marriage)." He paused for a while, then a man said, "Marry her to me, if you have no need of her." He said, "Do you have anything you can give to her as a dowry?" He said, "I do not have anything but my izaar (lower garment)." He said, "If you give that to her, you will not have any lower garment. Think of something." He said, "I cannot think of anything." He said, "Think of something, even if it is an iron ring." But he did not have anything. (The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)) said, "Have you memorized anything of the Qur'aan [Qur'an, Quran]?" He said, "Yes, Soorah such and such, and Soorah such and such" _ and he named the soorahs. He said: "We marry her to you on the basis of what you have memorized of the Qur'aan [Qur'an, Quran] [i.e., that you teach it to her]."

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4842; Muslim, 1425)

This hadeeth indicates that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not agree to the man marrying without a dowry to give to the woman; he did not ask the woman for anything.

Moreover, the concept of qawaamah (being maintainers and protectors of women) that Allaah has enjoined on men implies that the man is the one who gives the mahr to the woman, because he is her supporter and she is his dependent.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means"

[al-Nisa' 4:34]

Moreover, the mahr is the woman's right, because the man enjoys intimate relations with her, and the mahr is paid in return for that intimacy.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"…so with those of whom you have enjoyed sexual relations, give them their Mahr as prescribed…"

[al-Nisa' 4:24]

Imam Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The phrase "so with those of whom you have enjoyed sexual relations, give them their Mahr as prescribed" means, as you are going to enjoy intimacy with them, then give them their dowries in return for that, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And how could you take it (back) while you have gone in unto each other"

[al-Nisa' 4:21]

"And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart"

[al-Nisa' 4:4]

"And it is not lawful for you (men) to take back (from your wives) any of your Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) which you have given them"

[al-Baqarah 2:229]

Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/475

It was narrated from `Aa'ishah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If the marriage has been consummated then the mahr is hers, because she has permitted (the man) to be intimate with her. If (the guardian) refuses to arrange her marriage, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian."

Abu `Eesa al-Tirmidhi said: this is a hasan hadeeth.

From this we can see that the dowry is to be paid by the man to the woman, not by the woman to the man.

Shaykh `Abd-Allaah ibn Qa'ood said: "The mahr is the right of the wife, and it must be defined. The wife or her family do not have to pay anything unless they do so voluntarily."

Based on this, it is not permissible for you to take from your son's money and give it as a dowry for your daughter. Shaykh al-Barraak said:

"If it is not permissible for the son to take the dowry in the first place, it is not permissible to take it for the daughter."

If you fear Allaah, Allaah will grant a way out for your daughter. So she has to be patient and seek reward, and turn to Allaah and make du'aa'. If a person thinks of Allaah in positive terms, he will find that Allaah is as he thinks.

The scholars, prominent figures and the ordinary people in your country have to strive to change this bad custom and follow the Sunnah, and to do the right thing and follow the right way which no one is permitted to go against. That is by establishing proof to the people from the Qur'aan [Qur'an, Quran] and Sunnah and the words of the scholars.

And Allaah knows best.

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26069: Marrying a second wife when one is not able to take care of two wives

Question:

One man (muslim of course) much older than me (20 years)proposed me the merriage but he is not divorced with his first women. He helped me many times in my life and showed me the first steps towards Islam. My father and mother are mulims but they didn't learn me something about praying, fasting or zekat.

That brother is going to have two womens but he is not able to take care about both of them. I asked my cemaat about this problem and some people gave the positive answer some of them don't accept it. I feel respect for that brother but I am not sure that I can live with him. Could you give me the advice, please?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah has enjoined certain things on a man who wants to marry more than one wife, which he must fulfil before he marries a second wife. One of these things is that he should be able treat them both fairly with regard to spending, staying overnight and providing accommodation. If he knows that he is unable to do that or that it is most likely that he cannot do so, it is not permissible for him to marry more than one wife.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice"

[al-Nisa' 4:3]

Mujaahid said: do not deliberately try to mistreat any of them, rather adhere to equal treatment with regard to dividing your time and spending, because this is something that a man can do.

Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 5/407

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: As for fairness with regard to spending and clothing, this is the Sunnah, following the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He treated his wives equally with regard to spending just as he did with regard to dividing his time amongst them.

Majmoo' al-Fataawa, 32/269

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: [The Prophet] (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to treat them equally with regard to spending the night with them, providing accommodation and spending on them… but it is not obligatory to treat them equally with regard to that _ i.e., love and intercourse _ because that is something that a man has no control over.

Zaad al-Ma'aad, 1/151

Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar said: If he provides each one of them with sufficient clothing, maintenance and accommodation, it does not matter what he does after that of being more inclined towards one of them or giving gifts to them…

Al-Fath, 9/391

This is what Allaah has enjoined upon the one who wants to marry more than one wife. If a man is able to do that, there is nothing wrong with agreeing to marry him. If he is not, then we do not advise marrying him, rather it is not permissible for him to propose marriage in the first place.

With regard to your saying that he is not able to take care of two wives, if he is religiously-committed and of good character, and you can be patient and put up with some hardships in life, then there is nothing wrong with your agreeing to marry him. Allaah has promised the poor man who wants to get married that He will make him independent of means. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty"

[al-Noor 24:32]

Some of the salaf used to get married seeking provision, acting in accordance with this verse. But if you think that you will not be able to put up with some hardships in life, then there is nothing wrong with your refusing to marry him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised Faatimah bint Qays, when Mu'aawiyah (may Allaah be pleased with him) proposed to her, not to marry him. He said, "He is a pauper and has no money." (Narrated by Muslim, 1480).

We hope that there will be no unlawful relationship between you, either now or after you refuse to marry him. If he has done you some favour by showing you the right path and teaching you, that is no justification for meeting, corresponding, speaking in private and so on.

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7989: He married a woman without a guardian

Question:

I am in a foreign land and married a Christian girl who is also a foreigner in that country. Both of us do not have any relatives or friends or contacts in that country. I proposed to her and she accepted so I read the marriage statements and she accepted and than I read the marriage statement for my acceptance. I forgot the Mehr in statement but later paid some amount to her. There was no guardian for her as she is adult and independent and we could not arrange any witness. Question is:

1. Whether this is a valid religious marriage and is it not sin in Islam as we do not care for the social or legal aspect because we are foreigners. In other word we married keeping in view our God and do not want to be punished by God on day of judgment. (We lived like man & wife for some days).

2. As I was not sure about religious aspect of this marriage, we mutually decided that I should divorce her, and I did. Is it OK?

3. Do I need to marry her again if our marriage was not OK, in front of witnesses and any Guardian / Wali to relieve myself of any sin.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is not permissible for a man to marry a woman without the permission of her guardian, whether she is a virgin or previously-married. This is the view of the majority of scholars, including al-Shaafa'i, Maalik and Ahmad. This is based on evidence which includes the following:

The verses in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands"

[al-Baqarah 2:232]

"And do not marry Al-Mushrikaat (idolatresses) till they believe (worship Allaah Alone)"

[al-Baqarah 2:221]

"and marry those among you who are single"

[al-Noor 24:32]

The point here is that these verses clearly stipulate that there be a guardian in marriage, because Allaah is addressing the guardian with regard to the marriage of the woman under his care. If the matter were up to her and not him, there would be no need to address him.

It is indicative of Imam al-Bukhaari's deep understanding of issues of sharee'ah that he quoted these verses in a chapter which he entitled "Baab man qaala la nikaaha illa bi wali (Chapter on those who say that there is no marriage without a guardian)."

It was narrated that Abu Moosa said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There is no marriage without a guardian."

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Abu Dawood, 2085; Ibn Maajah, 1881. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1/318)

It was narrated that `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. But if the marriage is consummated then the mahr is hers because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian."

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah, 1879. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa' al-Ghaleel, 1840)

Secondly: If her guardian prevents her from marrying the person she wants for no valid reason according to sharee'ah, then the role of guardian passes to the next closest relative, so it passes from the father to the grandfather, for example.

Thirdly: if all of her guardians prevent her from getting married for no valid reason according to sharee'ah, then the ruler is her guardian, because of the hadeeth quoted above ("…If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian")

Fourthly: if there is no guardian and no ruler, then her marriage is to be arranged by a man who has authority in the place where she is, such as the head of a village, or the governor of a province, and so on. If there is no such person, then she should appoint a trustworthy Muslim man to arrange her marriage.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

If there is no relative who can act as her guardian, then the position of guardian passes to the one who is most fit among those who have any kind of authority in matters other than marriage, such as the head of a village, the leader of a caravan, and so on. Al-Ikhtiyaaraat, p. 350.

Ibn Qudaamah said: If a woman does not have a guardian and there is no ruler, then there was narrated from Ahmad that which indicates that her marriage should be arranged by a man of sound character, with her permission.

Al-Mughni, 9/362.

Shaykh `Umar al-Ashqar said:

If there is no ruler of the Muslims, or if the woman is in a place where the Muslims have no ruler, and she has no guardian at all, like the Muslims in America and elsewhere, if there are Islamic institutions in that country that take care of the Muslims' affairs, then they should arrange her marriage. The same applies if the Muslims have a leader who is in charge or someone who is responsible for their affairs.

Al-Waadih fi Sharh Qanoon al-Ahwaal al-Shakhsiyyah al-Urduni, p. 70

The marriage contract must be witnessed by two adult male Muslims of sound mind. See question no. 2127.

Hence you have to repeat your marriage contract, and it is essential that the woman's guardian be present, as stated above, as well as two witnesses.

And Allaah knows best.

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6402: A kaafir married a Muslim woman then he became Muslim

Question:

A hindu married a muslim widow. After some years, attracted by the islamic manners of his wife, has converted himself to islam. Do they have to their remake the Nikah, or the one they made earlier when he was a hindu and she a muslim is sufficient?

Muslims in india are reciting Salawat un Naria 4444 times to get rewards and to avoid calamities. Eventhough we explained that it is enough to do Salawaat to Muhammed (PBUH) as he prescribed and not to recite Salawaat un Naria, they continue reciting, saying there is no harm in it. Is it permissible to recite and also please explain in detail if there is any shirk associated in the meaning of Salawaat un naria.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

The marriage of a Muslim woman to a kaafir, no matter what his religion, is invalid according to sharee'ah and their intimacy is tantamount to fornication. They must be separated, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And do not marry Al-Mushrikaat (idolatresses) till they believe (worship Allaah Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress), even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to AlMushrikoon till they believe (in Allaah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikoon) invite you to the Fire, but Allaah invites (you) to Paradise and forgiveness by His Leave"

[al-Baqarah 2:221]

And Allaah says, stating that the Muslim women are not permissible in marriage for kaafir men (interpretation of the meaning):

"They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them"

[al-Mumtahanah 60:10]

Al-Qurtubi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book al-Jaami' li Ahkaam al-Qur'aan [Qur'an, Quran] (3/72): The ummah is unanimously agreed that a kaafir man cannot marry a Muslim woman at all because that undermines the position of Islam.

But if the man becomes a Muslim _ as mentioned in the question _ then he must re-marry the woman with a new marriage contract, because the first marriage contract was invalid and does not count for anything in sharee'ah.

Shaykh `Atiyah Muhammad Saalim said in his completion of the book Adwa' al-Bayaan, 8/164-165:

Why is it permissible for a Muslim man to marry a kaafir woman from among the People of the Book (i.e., Jews and Christians), but it is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir man from among the People of the Book?

This question may be answered from two angles:

1 _ That Islam should prevail and not be prevailed over. The role of maintainer and protector in marriage belongs exclusively to the husband, so the man may influence his wife and she may not be able to practice her religion as she should, and she may leave her religion altogether. Similarly the children will follow the religion of their father.

2 _ Islam is comprehensive and other religions are limited, on which there is based a social matter that affects family life and the relationship between the spouses. This means is that if a Muslim man marries a Jewish or Christian woman, he believes in her Book and her Prophet, so he will deal with her on a basis of respect for her religion because he believes in it in general terms, and that will give them some common ground which may lead to her becoming Muslim as her own Book tells her. But if a Jewish or Christian man marries a Muslim woman, he does not believe in her religion so he will not have any respect towards her religion or her principles. There is no room for common ground with him with regard to something that he does not believe in at all. So there is no room for harmony or mutual understanding; there is no goodness in such a marriage, so it is forbidden in the first place.

So they must make a new marriage contract.

And Allaah knows best.

With regard to the question about al-Salaah al-Naariyyah, please see question no. 7505.

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21380: Ruling on a Muslim man marrying a non-Muslim woman and vice versa

Question:

I have some questions about Islam, could you explain them for me? Is it permissible for someone who follows Islam to marry someone who does not follows Islam without that person converting to Islam after marriage?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman if she is Christian or Jewish, but it is not permissible for him to marry a non-Muslim woman who follows any religion other than these two. The evidence for that is the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Made lawful to you this day are AtTayyibaat [all kinds of Halaal (lawful) foods, which Allaah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits)]. The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends" [al-Maa'idah 5:4]

Imam al-Tabari said in his commentary on this verse:

"chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture" means, free woman among those whom have been given the Scripture, namely the Jews and Christians who believe in what is in the Tawraat (Torah) and Injeel (Gospel) from among the people who came before you, O believers in Muhammad, whether from among the Arabs or other people; you are permitted to marry them "when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)" which means, if you give to those whom you marry of your (Muslims') chaste women and their (Jews' and Christians') chaste women their mahrs or dowries."

(Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 6/104)

But it is not permissible for a Muslim man to marry a Magian (Zoroastrian) woman or a communist woman or an idol-worshipping woman, etc.

The evidence for that is the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And do not marry Al-Mushrikaat (idolatresses) till they believe (worship Allaah Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress), even though she pleases you"

[al-Baqarah 2:221]

A mushrikah is an idol-worshipping woman who worships stones, whether from among the Arabs or others.

It is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim from any other religion, whether from among the Jews or Christians, or any other kaafir religion. It is not permissible for her to marry a Jew, a Christian, a Magian, a communist, an idol-worshipper, etc.

The evidence for that is the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And give not (your daughters) in marriage to AlMushrikoon till they believe (in Allaah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikoon) invite you to the Fire, but Allaah invites (you) to Paradise and forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember" [al-Baqarah 2:221]

Imam al-Tabari said:

What is said concerning the interpretation of the words "And give not (your daughters) in marriage to AlMushrikoon till they believe (in Allaah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you" is that what Allaah meant by that is that Allaah has forbidden the believing women to give birth to a mushrik, no matter what kind of shirk he believes in. So, O believers, do not give your daughters in marriage to them, for that is forbidden to you. For you to give them in marriage to a believing slave who believes in Allaah and His Messenger and that which he brought from Allaah is better for you than to give them in marriage to a free mushrik even if he is of noble descent and honourable origins, even if you like his descent and background…

It was narrated that Qutaadah and al-Zuhri said, concerning the phrase "And give not (your daughters) in marriage to AlMushrikoon", It is not permissible for you to give them in marriage to a Jew or a Christian or a mushrik who is not a follower of your religion. (Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 2/379).

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30796: Should he get married without his father's approval?

Question:

Is it permissible for a man to get married to a woman whose religious commitment and character he admires, even though his parents do not approve?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

A son is not doing wrong if he chooses a woman who is religiously committed and of good character, for this is the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) with regard to marriage. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!" (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4802; Muslim, 1466)

There follows some advice for you and your father from Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen, that has to do with your situation.

The Shaykh (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The question leads us to offer you two points of advice. The first point is addressed to your father, if he insists on not allowing you to marry this woman whom you describe as being of good character and religiously-committed. What he should do is to give you permission to marry her, unless he has a legitimate shar'i reason that he knows and can explain to you so that you will be convinced and your mind will be put at rest. He should weigh up this matter himself: if his father had refused to let him marry a woman whose religious commitment and character he admired, would he not have thought that this was wrong and a suppression of his freedom? If he would not like his father to do this to him, then how can he let himself do the same to his son? The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself."

It is not permissible for your father to prevent you marrying this woman for no legitimate shar'i reason. If there is a legitimate shar'i reason then he should explain it to you so that you will understand.

With regard to the advice which we give you, we say that if you can forget about this woman and marry another, thus pleasing your father and avoiding a split (between you and your father), then do that.

If you cannot do that, because you are emotionally attached to her and you are also afraid that if you propose marriage to another woman that your father may also prevent you from marrying her _ because some people may have envy or jealousy in their hearts even towards their children, so they do not let them have what they want _ I say that if this is the case and you cannot be patient and forget about this woman to whom you feel emotionally attached, then there is no sin on you if you marry her, even if your father objects. Perhaps after you get married he will become convinced and the feelings in his heart will go away. We ask Allaah to enable you to do that which is in the interests of both.

Fataawa Islamiyyah, 4/193-194. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

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22442: On acting; and the ruling on marrying young girls

Question:

1)What is the ruling of islam acting in movies?.If it is allowed what type of filims must be them?.Also what is the role of women in movies ?.

2)Why islam allowed to marry children(girls) of age below 10 with out their permission(it is said that in the case of children,it requires the concern of their parents only.I also know it requires to get the permission in the case of adults).Actually marrage has to taken plce between the persons, who have even a little meturity.But in the case of children it not happend.Can you justify this ruling of islam(Child marrage ) ?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The question of acting and related issues has already been dealt with in Question no. 10836. We may add to that:

Shaykh Abu Bakr Zayd (may Allaah preserve him) said: chivalry [i.e., behaving in a proper and decent manner] is one of the aims of sharee'ah, and anything that undermines that renders a person unfit to give testimony in court. Islam enjoins the loftiest characteristics and forbids base and vile characteristics. How often do viewers see an actor doing silly actions or moving or speaking in a silly manner, or even playing the role of a madman, idiot or fool. Based on this, it is clear to the wise man that acting is one of the things that most undermine chivalry, so it is one of the things that render a person unfit to give testimony in court. Anything that is like that is not approved of in sharee'ah.

See al-Muru'ah wa Khawaarimuhaa, p. 221, by Mashhoor Hasan

Secondly:

Marrying a young girl before she reaches the age of adolescence is permitted in sharee'ah; indeed it was narrated that there was scholarly consensus on this point.

(a) Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And those of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the `Iddah (prescribed period), if you have doubt (about their periods), is three months; and for those who have no courses [(i.e. they are still immature) their `Iddah (prescribed period) is three months likewise"

[al-Talaaq 65:4]

In this verse we see that Allaah has made the `iddah in the case of divorce of a girl who does not have periods _ because she is young and has not yet reached puberty _ three months. This clearly indicates that Allaah has made this a valid marriage.

(b) It was narrated from `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married her when she was six years old, he consummated the marriage with her when she was nine and she stayed with him for nine years.

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4840; Muslim, 1422)

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married `Aa'ishah when she was six years old and consummated the marriage when she was nine."

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim; Muslim says `seven years')

The fact that it is permissible to marry a young girl does not mean that it is permissible to have intercourse with her; rather that should not be done until she is able for it. For that reason the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) delayed the consummation of his marriage to `Aa'ishah. Al-Nawawi said: With regard to the wedding-party of a young married girl at the time of consummating the marriage, if the husband and the guardian of the girl agree upon something that will not cause harm to the young girl, then that may be done. If they disagree, then Ahmad and Abu `Ubayd say that one a girl reaches the age of nine then the marriage may be consummated even without her consent, but that does not apply in the case of who is younger. Maalik, al-Shaafa'i and Abu Haneefah said: the marriage may be consummated when the girl is able for intercourse, which varies from one girl to another, so no age limit can be set. This is the correct view. There is nothing in the hadeeth of `Aa'ishah to set an age limit, or to forbid that in the case of a girl who is able for it before the age of nine, or to allow it in the case of a girl who is not able for it and has reached the age of nine. Al-Dawoodi said: `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) was reached physical maturity (at the time when her marriage was consummated).

Sharh Muslim, 9/206

It is preferable for a guardian not to marry off his daughter when she is still young unless there is a valid reason for that.

Al-Nawawi said:

It should be noted that al-Shaafa'i and his companions said: It is preferable for fathers and grandfathers not to marry off a virgin until she reaches the age of puberty and they ask her permission, lest she end up in a marriage that she dislikes. What they said does not go against the hadeeth of `Aa'ishah, because what they meant is that they should not marry her off before she reaches puberty if there is no obvious interest to be served that they fear will be missed out on if they delay it, as in the hadeeth of `Aa'ishah. In that case it is preferable to go ahead with the marriage because the father is enjoined to take care of his child's interests and not to let a good opportunity slip away.

And Allaah knows best.

Sharh Muslim, 9/206.

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13780: Marriage of a convert: must he marry someone of the same race?

Question:

I would like to ask for your advice, I am a br. who prays believes in allah prays 5 times a day, fasts in ramadan
and converted to islam over 5 years ago. I am looking to get married, however on meeting the sr. that I like, I am finding out that since her family is from another Race and because of this they will not accept me as her husband.
She is a practising muslimah from an Indian/asian/pakistani/bengali type of background, and it is typical of people of these background never to let their children (especially girls) to marry outside their own cultures even if the one proposing is a practising muslim man.
Hence the mariage cannot take place on this basis alone. Since the majority of practising muslims in this country are from the indian subcontinent background,I have two questions

1- how does a relative new-comer such as my self get married?

2- Should reverts only marry reverts? Is there any basis for such cultural separation in islam? .

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

With regard to the first question, and the second, as soon as you entered Islam you became one of the Muslims, with the same rights and duties as they have. Based on that, then you may strive to guard your chastity by marrying any good and righteous woman, based on the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) [regarding looking for a wife], "Look for the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper)!"

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466) _ whether she is also new in Islam (i.e., a convert) or not. What matters is that she should be righteous, as I mentioned.

Then if you propose marriage to a righteous woman, and she or her family do not agree, then you must be patient and continue looking, whilst also continuing to pray that Allaah will make it easy for you to find a righteous woman who can help you to obey your Lord.

Secondly, with regard to the discrimination that you mention, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has AtTaqwa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious]" [al-Hujuraat 49:13]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "O you who believe, verily your Lord is One, and your father [Adam] is one. There is no superiority of an Arab over a non-Arab or of a non-Arab over an Arab, or of a red man over a black man or of a black man over a red man, except in terms of taqwa (piety). Have I conveyed (the message)?" They said: "The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has conveyed (the message)."

(Narrated by Ahmad, 5/411; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Ghaayat al-Maraam, 313; it was also narrated from Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah that its isnaad is saheeh, in al-Iqtidaa', 69).

According to another hadeeth, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Those who boast about their forefathers should desist or they will be less significant before Allaah than the beetle that rolls up the dung with its nose. Allaah has taken away from you the arrogance of Jaahiliyyah and its pride in forefathers, so a person is either a pious believer or a doomed evildoer. All the people are the children of Adam and Adam was created from dust." (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3890; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, no. 3100; and in Ghaayat al-Maraam, 312, it was said that al-Tirmidhi and Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah classed it as saheeh).

The dung beetle is a black bug that rolls up excrement.

Hence it should become clear to you that Islam does not discriminate between one Muslim and another by any earthly standards, whether that be colour, lineage, wealth or country. Rather the only criterion by which people are regarded as superior to others before Allaah is taqwa (piety, consciousness of Allaah). Indeed, the sharee'ah commands the guardian of a woman, if a person comes to propose marriage who is religiously-committed and of good character and attitude, to hasten to arrange the marriage, and to beware of rejecting him and not accepting him, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry your daughter [or female relative under your care] to him, for if you do not do that then there will be much tribulation and mischief in the land." They said, "O Messenger of Allaah, what if there is some other objection?" He said, "If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry your daughter [or female relative under your care] to him," three times.

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 866

See the answer to question no. 13993.

We ask Allaah to make it easy for you to marry a woman who will help you to obey your Lord. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

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20227: Wants to marry Christian woman

Question:

I like one girl, and we are gonna get WED in future. My parents are fully agreed with my decision, so her parents. Everything is going alright. The problem I am encounted with is, "She is Christian." While discussing with each others, I have asked her to Embrace ISLAM, And I have been given many information regarding islam so she can understand each and everything, It seems she doesnt want to EMBRACE islam. As she said " I am very very strong christian, I just cannot accept any faith than christianity, I cannot become muslim. She doesnt eat pork, nor, does she drinks, She is a Chaste lady with her true feelings and a Clean heart. This is true that she has nothing against my faith. She is agree to accept me with my faith and she wants me accept her with her faith, and the children would be MUSLIMS. This is what we have decided so far. Some of my friend adviced me to FORCE her to EMBRACE ISLAM, Like threaten "I won't marry you if you dont Embrace islam" This is what my friend adviced me, But as far as I realize, This wouldnt be fair at all. please Tellme Should i force her to become muslim? I guess, to embrace islam she must have the feelings that ALLAH is one and she should have the real feelings instead of fake feelings. I dont want to force her cause I scare, that IF she becomes muslim JUST to show me, JUST to get married with me, Its gonna be SIN on me. I want she to become muslim from her true feelings and real feelings with that ALLAH is one and he is the god. I am trying my best to provide her knowledge of islam and to showing her the right path. Please tellme Should i force her?

IF she refuses to embrace Islam, Can i marry her? Can I and her get married and lives as husband and wife?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah has permitted us to marry Jewish and Christian woman, on condition that they are chaste and avoid zina (unlawful sexual relations), and that the wali (guardian) of that Christian woman is a Muslim.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Made lawful to you this day are AtTayyibaat [all kinds of Halaal (lawful) foods, which Allaah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits)]. The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. And whosoever disbelieves in Faith, [i.e. in the Oneness of Allaah and in all the other Articles of Faith i.e. His (Allaah's) Angels, His Holy Books, His Messengers, the Day of Resurrection and AlQadar (Divine Preordainments)], then fruitless is his work; and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers" [al-Maa'idah 5:5]

What is meant by chaste is refraining from zina (unlawful sexual relationships).

Ibn Katheer said:

This is the view of the majority, which the most correct opinion, so as to avoid the combination of her being a non-Muslim with her being unchaste, which would mean that she is totally corrupt and thus her husband will get, as the Arabic proverb says, "Bad goods and cheated on the weight." The apparent meaning of the aayah is that what is meant is those who are chaste and refrain from zina. Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/55

The condition of the woman's wali being a Muslim is indicated by the verse (interpretation of the meaning):

"And never will Allaah grant to the disbelievers a way (to triumph) over the believers"

[al-Nisa' 4:141]

However, we do not advise you to marry a non-Muslim woman, nor do we advise you to marry just any Muslim woman. For married life is not based only on beauty and attraction, rather the wise Muslim must look with insight at what is beyond that, because he needs to be sure that his house will be looked after in his absence, and he needs to bring up his children, and he will not be able to find that or other things which every wise husband seeks, except with a religious Muslim woman. This is the advice of our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "A woman may be married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]."

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4802; Muslim, 1466).

Al-Nawawi said:

The correct meaning of this hadeeth is that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was describing what people usually do, for they seek these four characteristics, the last of which in their view is religious commitment, but you, the one who is seeking guidance, should look for a wife who is religious. But this is not an absolute command.

This hadeeth encourages keeping company with people who are religiously committed in all things, because the one who keeps company with them will benefit from their good attitude and morals, their blessing and their good ways, and he will be safe from mischief at their hands.

Sharh Muslim, 10/52

But marriage to women of the People of the Book leads to a great deal of mischief and trouble, such as:

1. He may have to be courteous to this wife of his at the expense of his religion, especially if she is "very committed" to her own religion. This may mean that she will hang up crosses and go to the church, and the children will not be safe in this environment.

2. She is not going to wash properly after finishing her period, or tell him not to have intercourse with her when she is menstruating; she is going to make him do something that is wrong according to sharee'ah and cause him physical harm.

3. He is going to be put in an embarrassing situation because of her careless attitude concerning dress and her mixing with men and speaking to them.

4. The states and governments of these women of the Book will be on their side and will give them custody of the children if differences arise and divorce takes place. This will cause these children to be lost and to fall into kufr. Such cases are too well known to need mentioning here and too many to count.

One of the poets said:

"Marriage to a Christian is an abhorrent action which leads to the kufr of the children for sure.

Whoever accepts for a child of his to be a kaafir is himself a kaafir, even if he claims to be a Muslim.

A man may become a kaafir, following his wife, and enter the Fire of Hell forever.

You must look for one who is religiously committed, if you want a sound marriage.

Forget about the people of kufr and beware of marrying them, for that will lead to a lot of evil.

The children of such a marriage will not be guided; they will swell the ranks of evildoers.

Secondly:

It is not permissible for you to force your Christian wife _ if you do marry her _ to become Muslim. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"There is no compulsion in religion. Verily, the Right Path has become distinct from the wrong path. Whoever disbelieves in Taaghoot [falsehood, false gods] and believes in Allaah, then he has grasped the most trustworthy handhold that will never break. And Allaah is All-Hearer, All-Knower"

[al-Baqarah 2:256]

Ibn Katheer said:

Allaah says: "There is no compulsion in religion" meaning: do not force anyone to enter Islam, for it is obvious and clear, and its proof and evidence are apparent. There is no need to force anyone to enter it, rather whomever Allaah guides to Islam and opens his heart to it and illuminates his insight will enter it with conviction; but whoever Allaah makes blind in his heart and seals his hearing and insight will not benefit from being compelled to enter the religion by force. They said that the reason for the revelation of this verse was concerning some people among the Ansaar, even though this ruling is general.

Tasfeer Ibn Katheer, 1/311

We advise you _ once again _ to leave this woman and to pray to Allaah to guide your heart to that which is in the best interests of your religion. So long as you give her up for the sake of Allaah, then you should be certain that Allaah will replace her for you with someone better, for whoever gives up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

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20213: She got married without her father's approval

Question:

My sister married a man who is muslim but she married him against my Father's will. My Father is religios. He rejected that man because he has bad manners so my sister ran away and married without a Wali.

My question is : Is this Marraige Valid?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

You father did well by not agreeing to (your sister's) marriage to that man who has bad manners. Allaah has put him in a position of trust with regard to his daughters and anyone who is under his care, so he has to make a good choice and find a husband who is suitable from the point of view of sharee'ah.

Your sister has done a number of wrong things, such as making a bad choice in choosing this man who has bad manners; running away from her father's house; and _ worst of all _ getting married without a wali (guardian).

One of these bad deeds would be enough to understand the extent of the wrongs that she has done towards her Lord, herself and her family, so how about if they are combined?

With regard to the marriage, it is invalid, because the wali's consent is one of the essential pillars of a valid marriage. This is what is indicated by the texts of the Qur'aan [Qur'an, Quran] and Sunnah:

1 _ Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands"

[al-Baqarah 2:232]

2 _ Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And give not (your daughters) in marriage to al-Mushrikoon (idolaters) till they believe (in Allaah Alone)"

[al-Baqarah 2:221]

3 _ Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband)"

[al-Noor 24:32]

From these verses we may understand that the consent of the wali is an essential condition for marriage, because these verses are addressed to the wali concerning the marriage of the women under his care. If the matter was up to the woman, there would be no need to address the wali, especially in the case of the first verse quoted, as we shall explain below.

Part of the fiqh of Imam al-Bukhaari is that he quoted these verses in a chapter which he called Baab man qaala Laa nikaah illa bi wali (Chapter: the view of those who say that there is no (valid) marriage without a wali)'.

With regard to the Sunnah:

1 _ It was narrated that Abu Moosa said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There is no (valid) marriage without a wali."

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Abu Dawood, 2085; Ibn Maajah, 1881. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1/318).

2 _ It was narrated that `Aa'ishah said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Any woman who gets married without the permission of her wali, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If the marriage has been consummated then she is entitled to the mahr because she allowed the man to be intimate with her. If she does not have a wali then the ruler is the wali of one who does not have a wali."

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah, 1879. This hadeeth was classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi and as saheeh by Ibn Hibbaan (9/384) and al-Haakim (2/183)).

So your sister has to repent and pray for forgiveness, and she has to go back to her father and ask him to forgive her. She should realize that her marriage is null and void, and so it is not permissible for her to stay with this man because he is not a legitimate husband for her. A new contract should be done in the presence of her wali, if he agrees to her staying with this man, after weighing up the evil of his bad manners versus the evil of her leaving him; or if he does not approve of her staying with him, then the marriage contract is automatically annulled, and this man should be obliged to divorce her so as to avoid any doubts and so that the matter will be final.

She should agree to the person whom her father chooses for her, and he has to look for someone person of religious commitment and good manners who fears Allaah who will take good care of his daughter.

And Allaah knows best.

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13501: An invalid marriage contract must be done again, even if ten years have passed

Question:

My question is that we know that a girl's marriage without the consent of the guardian is invalid according to the shareeah. Then there are a lot of cases where the couple have eloped and got married. My question is, if the marriage is invalid, how do these people make it valid, lets say after 5 years of marriage or 10years of marriage and they have children now.

My other question is that if a couple runs away and gets married and then after certain period, lets say 2years or 4years the parents then give consent or come to acceptance of their marriage, then is the marriage valid.

How do some one make this marriage valid?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah. If a woman gets married without the consent of her wali (guardian), her marriage is invalid and is not valid even if ten years have passed and even if they have children. It is essential to repeat the marriage contract after her guardian's approval is obtained, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There is no valid marriage without a wali and two witnesses." (Narrated by Ahmad and the authors of Sunan except al-Nasaa'i. See Saheeh al-Jaami', 7558).

There is a stern warning against a woman who arranges her own marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "A woman should not arrange another woman's marriage and a woman should not arrange her own marriage, for the zaaniyah (adulteress) is the one who arranges her own marriage." (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1782; see also Saheeh al-Jaami', 7298).

With regard to the second question, which has to do with the approval of the wali; in this case it is essential to repeat the marriage contract, because the first nikaah was not valid. The couple must also repent sincerely to Allaah for what they have done, and Allaah is Forgiving, Most Merciful.

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31119: She loves him and he treats her orphaned daughter kindly, but their families refuse to let them marry

Question:

I have fallen deeply in love with a very good man, but his family vehemently reject me. The first reason for their rejection is that I was married before and I have a daughter. The other reason is that I previously tricked them with a big lie but now I am trying to make up for that lie, and I pray that Allaah will forgive me and that they will forgive me. Now, praise be to Allaah, I have started to adhere to Islam more, and I have started to wear niqaab and memorize Qur'aan [Qur'an, Quran], praise be to Allaah.

My question now is: is our marriage valid without his family's agreement? Is his marriage to me considered to be disobedience towards them? Even though we love one another very much, and I acknowledge, praise be to Allaah, that this person has changed me a lot and made me more religious.

Is it permissible for me to get married without the consent of a wali (guardian), because my father is insisting that this man's family must agree to the marriage before he gives his consent, otherwise he will refuse to allow this marriage so long as this man's family refuse to agree to it. Please note that my father ignores me and rarely asks about me, and this man _ may Allaah reward him with good _ is the one who is taking care of me and my daughter, giving me love and security and taking the place, for my daughter, of her dead father. He gives her the love and care that her own family does not give her. My daughter and I are in great need of his love and care towards us. I hope that you can advise us. Thank you very much.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Your question, may Allaah bless you, raises a number of issues, some of which are mentioned in the question and some to which attention must be drawn.

One of the issues raised in the question is that you ask about having your father's agreement. You have to realize that sharee'ah stipulates that there must be a wali (guardian) in order for the marriage contract to be valid, because there is a great deal of evidence to that effect, such as the hadeeth in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There is no (valid) nikaah (marriage) without a wali (guardian)." (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Abu Dawood, 2085; Ibn Maajah, 1881. It is saheeh as stated in Irwa' al-Ghaleel by al-Albaani, 6/235).

There is great wisdom in what Allaah has prescribed by stipulating that there must be a wali. For example, the basic principle is that men are more perfect in reason, and have more understanding of where interests lie and they have more insight into the circumstances of men and what is suitable for a woman, and they are more able to take decisions, especially since a woman may be overwhelmed and swayed by her emotions. If we assume that there is some fault in the wali that make him unqualified to take responsibility for the woman under his guardianship, or he is preventing her from getting married to a compatible man with no legitimate shar'i reason, then guardianship passes to the next in line, for example from the father to the grandfather. (For more detailed information in this issue, please see Question no. 7193).

With regard to his family's approval, this is not a necessary condition for the marriage to be valid, because the man is his own wali, so his marriage does not require the agreement of his family. They have no right to prevent him from marrying for no legitimate shar'i reason. His concern about their approval, especially his parents, is a good thing, and he may gain their approval by treating his parents well and doing whatever he can to make them agree to his choice, and seeking the help of Allaah in that by making du'aa', debating with them in a polite manner, and seeking to convince them in gentle ways.

We are happy to congratulate you for Allaah's blessing in enabling you to wear correct Islamic hijaab and to memorize His Holy Book. We ask Allaah to make us and you among those who act in accordance with it.

We would like to draw your attention to what you mention in your question about "falling deeply in love", "we love one another very much", "he gives us love" and "My daughter and I are in great need of his love and care towards us". You have to realize that both Muslim men and Muslim woman must protect themselves against the things that may lead to forming an emotional attachment to someone who is not a spouse, whilst accepting that people may not be able to have full control over their emotions. But there are many things that a person may do that may lead to such attachments, and these are the things which are forbidden. For example, chat between a man and woman to converse, which may provoke these emotions and desires. Repeated visits are also forbidden. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Beware of entering upon women." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4934; Muslim, 2172). These things are forbidden in order to close the door to things that may develop from them. The wisdom behind this is that it prevents the formation of an emotional attachment to a person whom it may not be easy to marry, which would result in heartache for both parties, examples of which are well known, both ancient and modern. This may also distract the heart from things which are obligatory, namely loving and obeying Allaah. Ibn al-Qayyim spoke of the damage caused by such attachments in some of his books, such as al-Daa' wa'l-Dawa', and Ighaathat al-Lahfaan, which are worth reading. You can also refer to Question no. 9465.

What we advise you to do, since Allaah has enabled you to wear the hijaab, is to complete the hijaab of cloth with the hijaab of the heart by taking an impartial look at the relationship you have with him now, and keeping away from everything that could make you form an emotional attachment to him, such as speaking to him, letting him visit you and your daughter, etc, which are haraam or nearly haraam. He, since according to what you say he is religious, should keep even further away from such things, lest the Shaytaan intervene between the two of you.

With regard to his kindness towards your daughter, we ask Allaah to reward him for that, but that should not result in any haraam action, such as his entering upon you when there is no one else apart from your daughter with you, because her being with you does not cancel out the fact that you are alone together in the haraam way which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned against when he said: "No man is alone with a (non-mahram) woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present." (Narrated by Ahmad and by al-Tirmidhi in his Sunan, 2091; see also Saheeh al-Jaami', 2546). See also Question no. 2986.

With regard to your hopes for marriage to him, we advise you to do a number of things:

1. Pray istikhaarah a great deal until your Lord chooses for you that which is in your best interests in this world and in the Hereafter. To learn how to pray istikhaarah, please see question no. 2217.

2. Avoid the things mentioned here that may create an emotional attachment, because the most important means of attaining what one wants is adhering to sharee'ah and keeping within its limits.

3. Strive to reduce the intensity of love referred to in the question by understanding